Why does he do it?

oh gosh,, how you can tolerate that is beyond me..
but then we are all different... it would finish me...

My OH sometimes forgets to tell me he is going out and it’s so embarrassing when people ring and I have to say ‘just a minute I’ll check if he’s in’. It looks as if I am asking if he wants to speak to the person.

When the children were growing up, they were taught to tell me if they were going out, or friends coming in, in case there was an emergency and I had to get everybody out of the house. The same goes for husbands!

The cynical and suspicious part of me would have alarm bells going off! You sure he is playing golf etc?

He sounds completely selfish to me. Why on earth he wouldn’t say goodbye is very odd. I would ask him why he does it and tell him it upsets you that he is so inconsiderate. It’s not very caring or nice behaviour at all.

I know this situation, mine frequently goes out without telling me, although I do know he’s going. If I ask him why he doesn’t say goodbye he’ll say that he wouldn’t be long! Because I’ve complained about it for years, he has improved and is more likely to shout ‘Going now’ but not always!
He also frequently leaves the front door open, either when he’s gone out, but more usually on his way back in. Also regularly doesn’t lock up, the back door completely unlocked, and sometimes the front door too! He will never deadlock the doors if he’s leaving alone, but will if I’m with him as I insist or do it myself.
And don’t get me started on mobile phones. He almost never takes his phone with him, never uses it really, only occasionally when he wants to get in touch with someone. The whole family know what he’s like with phones, but he never changes.
However, he’s a good man, will do anything for anyone, adores his family, and has a mountain of good points. So I’m just putting up with his idiosyncrasies.

Thankfully, no, I don't have one like that. Mine is at the other end of the spectrum, very solicitous and we have a thing about always parting with a kiss and 'love you'. On a really negative point, you never know for certain they will come back, and I know people whose partners have died suddenly and deeply regret not saying 'love you' more often or at the very least, the last time they saw their partners. I would point out, in case you think I dwell on the negative aspect, that I don't but my first husband collapsed and died suddenly aged 29, and I wish I'd been there so the last words he heard were 'love you'.

Yes! maddyone they sound like identical twins! (although it sounds as if yours has become slightly more considerate over the years).
Like your DH, mine is generally a lovely, kind man. He'd go out of his way to help anyone, is a great father and is very active and intelligent. To answer those who have implied he may be 'playing away', or have a second phone(!) - no way, I trust him 100%. As maddy describes, he is very absent-minded, leaves doors unlocked, forgets appointments and loses things frequently. (He's always been like this).

To me this sounds rude, insensitive and inconsiderate and I would be highly suspicious as to why he leaves his phone. Why does he not want to be contacted ?

Very rude behaviour. Not taking his phone is irresponsible, think if he or yourself needed to get in touch,there could be an emergency,has he thought of that!

Well, I would give him a dose of what’s sauce for the gander is also good for the goose.
Get yourself booked and off somewhere you really want to go. Don’t tell him, just vanish. Do no shopping, cleaning, ironing, nothing. Just leave him there. See how he likes them apples. I do hope he’s not violent. But really, a little of what you fancy will make you feel better. Ok, so you’re maybe alone stick it out, head up and goforit, just do it. It ain’t going to stop you know.

I have been divorced twice and as soon as I read the post, alarm bells rang. Where is the respect for you as his loving wife? none it appears.

Book yourself a weekend away and just go without telling him. When you return, if asked, swear blind that you mentioned it.

Bad manners, no consideration for your feelings, and I also have alarm bells ringing with no phone. Do you actually know where he is in case of an emergency ? I’ve divorced 2 husbands, one a controller, one verbally abusive, so I’ve been treated badly and know exactly what I would do here, play him at his own game. Before he gets back I’d go away for a spa break or a weekend abroad, see how he likes it, not knowing where you are and unable to ring you. I know 2 wrongs don’t make a right however, this is clearly upsetting you so don’t accept it. Any relationship should consist of equal respect and consideration, not all about what he wants.

Why would you allow anyone resident in your house to treat you with such contempt? Surely there must be some reason? As someone said upthread it is literally as if you are staff!

Yes, my husband was exactly the same although I didn't speculate as to why he behaved like that...................however, I have a friend whose husband ALWAYS calls out goodbye and tells her where he is going and for how long and she finds it immensely irritating so I think it is fair to say that we all behave differently even within a marriage. why not just accept each others differences?

Where is he going that he needs to be out of contact at and during?

This is what I would wonder.

My DD partner used to do this. He had lived on his own since 15 years old and never had to answer to anyone. We got him out of it by being excessively polite and letting him know what we were doing ALL the time. He got the message!

Once a long time ago now, a friend of mine lost her child through an accident. She was obviously grief stricken but one thing that stuck in my head ever since was that morning she dropped her daughter off at school and didn't say 'goodbye'. That simple act has plagued her ever since because she never forgave herself.
This tragic event made me realised how our time on earth is short and we never know when it is our turn to leave. I made sure that all the family no matter how short or long the trip away from our home was, we always said goodbye to each other. If this was not possible in person, a note was left, so everyone knew they were loved and missed until they returned. Now a mother, my daughter asked why we always do this ritual as it does not happen in her household. I explained the event that lead to the ritual and now she also has taken on the tradition and feels happier for it.

Maybe you too should tell you husband why it is important to you for him to say goodbye whenever he leaves home. You never know he might actually feel better to know that his absence is missed because you love him.

I don't think he still love you. When was the last time you made love?

It is very thoughtless and MALE. I have an Aunt who never lets you out of the door unless she gives you a hug. Her philosophy is that if anything happened there would always be that memory of a hug

I'm sorry to say that I agree with others here. It does look suspicious. My alarm bells would be ringing....

My first husband used to do this but he did take his phone with him but switched it off. He was not playing golf although he said he was!! I tried the same trick and stayed away all night in a hotel but he didn’t even try to contact me. Needless to say he is an EX.

It’s very rude and unpleasant, whatever the reason. I don’t think I could put up with it.

Since one of my family was killed in a road accident, I always make a point of parting on good terms and saying goodbye. If anything happened to you your husband would regret not doing that.

Mine leaves for golf at 7.10. I don't bother to appear til 7.15, then I can have a leisurely breakfast in front of the tv.

This story has a familiar ring about it. DH's PA had a DH that went off for golfing weekends and wasn't reachable, no signal. Except he wasn't on golfing holidays, he was a serial monogamist and was lining up the next wife before he ditched the present one. That rat went on a holiday of a lifetime with his wife and then ditched her on landing back in the UK, added insult to injury by taking her to the cleaners during the divorce.