DD (only child) going to live in California

It must be hard to face your only child moving so far away. I’m sure that you will grow to accept the situation, and hope that they keep in regular touch with you. Hopefully, they will decide to return to the U.K. if not, it’s something that you will come to accept, I’m sure. Four of my five children moved to Australia, the first over twenty years ago. One daughter came back after seven years, when she split with her husband, and now lives very near me.

I will be making my ninth trip over there in November - this time to walk my daughter down the aisle. It will be lovely to see them all again, especially my 2 year old granddaughter, and I will be there until the end of January. In the meantime we will continue to have lots of chats on social media.

The USA is much nearer to visit, and I’m sure that you will enjoy going over to see them. It’s natural for you to be sad, but try not to let yourself get too depressed. Our children are meant to fly the nest. Some fly further than others, but some migrate back home again!

Hello Cotswoldslass, I think the first thing that I would do is to find out that should the breast cancer return ( I hope not) what would be your options be re further treatment in America.
Maybe take it one step at a time and slowly think it over. You may be happier and also your daughter being closer to each other. I wish you well, chew it over. xx

If they settle Winter in California and summer I the Cotswolds

I like to see and hear from my four children. I don't miss them, though, when they're not around - and never have. I always think my 'parent' job is done and over with. It was tough so it's a sense of relief. Two of them have lived on the other side of the world and I'm proud of their independence.

Maybe because I've had a career, my own friends and interests, I've never felt lost or abandoned without their company. Cotswoldslass should consider moving close to her daughter, I think, as she feels so strongly attached to her.

I think I'd feel similar to you. But obviously they must go and take up the job offer. However it might well not be a permanent one and they might well be back. For those who say, 'go and join them' - have any of you faced the US immigration dept? They aren't keen on anyone just wandering over there and setting up home!

No flack from me, Gonegirl. I'd be just like you.

My 2 DD went to live in New Zealand and son went to the USA. We decided to move to NZ......2 years later DD2 comes back to UK, earthquakes hit NZ DD1 moved to Australia and eventually we came back to the UK. We saw them all this year for a family wedding, we are all going to Australia for granddaughter wedding in 2 years and we have visited USA several times.

Our son is keen for us to move to USA now we are older but the health care costs would be prohibitive and it’s not easy to get in unless you are well off or have a job etc etc.

My advice is let them go, yes it’s hard but you bring your children up to spread their wings and fly, don’t tie them down or put them on guilt trips, give them courage faith and lots of support. My children both in USA and Australia have fantastic lives, homes etc. While we here in Blighty live in very small homes, pay all kinds of bills not found anywhere there and have to choose carefully what we spend our money on if on a small income. It will get easier with time then there is Skype so makes everything seem that much closer. You can sit with a cuppa in front of the screen and your daughter can have her cuppa and you can have a right old natter but no hugs is the only thing. I hope you find a solution, my advise would be don’t follow your children to another country, we learnt that the hard way.

Hi cotswold lass
I know exactly what you are going through. My eldest DD emigrated to California 20 years ago with her childhood sweetheart partner, (they are now married) with our 2 grandchildren 3&6 years
I was beside myself. It was like someone had ripped the heart out of me.
I learnt to live with it and carried on studying to become a Beautician and opened my own salon
My youngest daughter then met an Australian In London where her company was and that was it
I knew she would emigrate as her sister had done so, and she was going and froing back and forth and then she did it. I was in despair, they got married there and I went over for the wedding 10 years ago, they have had 2 beautiful girls who I adore and have been over a few times to visit.
I had to have counselling and antidepressants as I just couldn't accept both my DD and 4 grandchildren gone and was crying all the time.
I have no other children.
I no.longer have counselling but still on the meds I have learnt to accept it and recently retired so when I go visit I can stay longer, my DD give me the most wonderful time when I visit them and we love each other very much.
It is hard even after 20 years of it, but I know they have good lives, good husbands and wonderful family
So I have to be thankful for that
X

My heart goes out to you but you will develop a new norm and with your friends support will get to grips with it.

When my twin went Australia 26 years ago it was £1 a minute to phone. My parents did go and see her 3 times over the years but there was no Facebook, WhatsApp and only airmail letters. It was 5 years before I saw her after she went.

Out for lunch today with a friend whose son is in America she said I probably hear from him more than I would if he was here. I miss a physical hug but knows he loves me.

I certainly hear from my sis a lot more than my brothers and have seen her more in the last 2 years than my eldest.

Good luck ?