Getting Married

I thought up to 30 people can attend a wedding at the moment, could you consider a civil ceremony which from a space perspective could accommodate all your children instead of the registry office?

Summerlove

My mother remarried without any of her kids, or her partners kids. Just her best friend and husband.

I was hurt, but ultimately understood it was her wedding and her day.

Nothing was soured between us, but I do wish I’d been there

That's exactly right Summerlove

One of our children was married in February, after 25 years together as partners, It was just before the lockdown and present restrictions did not apply but it was an absolutely lovely occasion. There were 16 people plus the registrar and assistant - bride, groom, their two children, and the six closest people from each family. It was a very happy day and exactly what a wedding should be - not about showing off to a huge number of friends.

We got married last year after 12 years together. We didn't tell our 4 daughters, 2 each, until the evening of the day. We only wanted a small wedding, had two friends as witnesses and went for afternoon tea afterwards.
We have 4 daughters and husbands and 10 grandchildren between us. The logistics of having them all there at the same time, plus the costs involved influenced our decision.
I think that this is your day and your choice as to what you do.
Hopefully everyone will be happy for you and respect your decision.
The best of luck and congratulations on whatever you decide

They are being selfish.
Don't put off your marriage - you want to have it soon for completely sensible reasons.

If OH's offspring won't co-operate, can he ask another relative or friend?

I'd do the whole thing quietly and not even tell them, if possible.

I gather that a civil partnership is a much shorter ceremony, could you do that instead and have a big family party later on?

Do the legal bit - presumably if you are shielding then you have reason to think that you are more at risk, so want that done and dusted. Then have a family celebration later as you planned.

OH's children really cannot dictate your choices. Explain your reasoning to them then just do it. Perhaps find some special role for them in the eventual celebration.

What are we doing tiptoeing round our AC!?

Just do it - who’s to say that you all survive COVID and come out the other end - we are each responsible for our own lives so don’t let your step-children to be dictate what happens in yours. If they all want to be there they can join on the pavement and see you from a distance. They are trying to control your day / say no.

Weddings are family occasions, however small. It's not just 'the legal bit', it's a wedding! And sorry, but I can see it from your partner's family's viewpoint.

Do it!

My daughter did exactly the same on Tuesday this week - she had the best man and chief bridesmaid as witnesses (they had to wear masks, but bride and groom didn't!) and we are having a celebration 'do' with everyone there later in the year with wedding dress (not worn to legal do) and the whole palaver later in the year - she will have someone ordaining it and we will have it in a friends large garden, small but lovely!

I did the flowers for Tuesday and baby sat the children - the idea was we would dress up a bit for photos, but the weather was so hot we all looked like wet rags!

You can't please everyone, do your own thing, if anyone is unhappy tough

Congratulations. I would go to Gretna if allowed at the moment.x

If his children don't want to do as you ask then you could have two of yours? How many have you got? I got married with 2 witnesses we grabbed from round the building. I had just promised my family we'd wait 6 months as they objected to the marriage. It lasted 27 years. We married then as he was in the Merchant Navy and I wanted to sail with him, only allowed then as a wife.

Top answer MissAdventure.

Why didn't you just go and do it without involving family having to make choices. If it's important to have your offspring in attendance then surely they should all be given same opportunity. Go do it without family then have celebration later.

Just do it with a couple of friends or random strangers as witnesses.
You both have decided to get married for understandable reasons when you have been together for over 10 years , not as if you only met each other yesterday!
Why not get it done (sorry, can't think of any other way to say it) , not tell either side, then have a blessing at a later date, with both sides of the family present? You could either wear a none wedding ring in the meantime and then exchange rings at the big do!

Just do it - and party later! (You never know what the future holds.- - we only have the "here and now".)

principles for planning COVID-19 secure marriages and civil partnerships
For the purposes of a marriage ceremony or civil partnership formation, the number of attendees should ideally be kept to a minimum as far as possible. The lower the number of attendees, the lower the risk of spreading the virus.

However, we understand the unique significance that marriages and civil partnerships hold in people’s lives. For this reason, up to 30 people, but no more, can attend a marriage or civil partnership, where this can be safely accommodated with social distancing in a COVID-19 venue.

This maximum number includes all those at the ceremony, including the couple, witnesses, officiants and guests. It also includes any third-party suppliers, such as photographers or security, but does not include staff employed by the venue or any third party catering staff.

During all activity linked to the marriage ceremony or civil partnership formation, all parties should adhere to social distancing guidelines. 2 metres or 1 metre with risk mitigation (where 2 metres is not viable), are acceptable.

Those operating venues following COVID-19 secure guidelines should take additional steps to ensure the safety of the public and prevent large gatherings or mass events from taking place.

The marriage ceremony or civil partnership formation
Should only take place in COVID-19 secure environments. Where a marriage ceremony can take place legally in other places not covered by this guidance (such as outdoor weddings that are permitted under the Marriage Act), the legal restrictions on gatherings must be followed for that place.
It is advised that the ceremonies and services should be concluded in the shortest reasonable time, and limited as far as reasonably possible to the parts of the marriage or civil partnership that are required in order to be legally binding under the law of England and Wales.
Religious communities should therefore adapt traditional religious aspects, especially where celebrations would otherwise have taken place over a number of hours, or even days, to ensure the safety of those present and minimal spread of infection.
No food or drink should be consumed as a part of the marriage or civil partnership ceremony unless required for the purposes of solemnisation.
Where the exchanging of rings is required or desired for the solemnisation of the marriage or the formation of the civil partnership, hands should be washed before and after. The rings should be handled by as few people as possible.
Where an infant is involved in proceedings a parent/guardian or member of the infant’s household should hold the infant.

Your wedding, your decision. I get really cross with people who have to ‘put their two pennarth’ in to other people’s arrangements. Go ahead and have a lovely day.

Choose two friends instead

So why not have a registry office ceremony with up to 30 people and then all the children can attend.

A party to celebrate at a later date?

It’s your wedding, your choice. If as you say it’s mainly about the legal side, you need to just do it, the sooner the better. Who knows what the future has in store?

One of our AC and partner chose the simplest of ceremonies, just them and a friend each as witnesses. We were delighted for them, and very happy that they also had the day they wanted, and didn’t feel they had to please anyone else or stick to normal conventions.

As others have said, the problem might be with them having to choose one sibling from each side to be there. It might have been an issue if DH and I had been told one of us could be there, but not the other though obviously I would have been the one going

My daughter got married in our garden last Saturday. Just her, her husband, me , my husband and my son and future DIL. We had a fabulous day. My other son and DIL refused to come, as he said she should wait. I was heartbroken, as my wee granddaughter wasn't there either.
However, it was my daughter's wedding and I believe she did the right thing.
My health is so poor I was afraid I wouldn't see her married.

Her big wedding was sheduled for the day after lockdown. My daughter said this weekend had been the best weekend of her life. So we did the right thing. Go for it, life is too short!

Go ahead - do what you fancy - there is no way known to man to have a 'wedding' without offending someone! It is the legal bit - actually the important bit and I guess that's why you've decided to do it. IF you involve the family in any way - either on the day or later that's your choice. It's your life and your marriage.

I'd just do it and tell them when it's done. Have your children there and s*d his, or ask two friends.

There was even someone on mumsnet years ago who asked on the boards there if anyone was free to go and be a witness. Not only did she get a witness but several others were waiting to celebrate with her when she came out!