Getting Married

Just take the two people you want to have (as witnesses), your chosen child and maybe a favourite grand child and stuff the others. Life is far too short to bother with W⚓️S

Why not pick straws , have two go in the office while others wait and then all go for a socially distanced posh lunch or dinner so other siblings don’t feel left out ? Talk to them and say how can we do this we don’t want to wait .

Your day. Your choice.
This is no one's decision but your own.
If they are going to be joyless about your wedding, then sod 'em. Pick someone else!

Carpe diem that's what I say and good luck and best wishes to you.
We told no one two witnesses that were friends this was 2 days before Christmas the first our family's knew about it was Christmas day. It's what you and your partner to be wants. Did they take into account your feelings when they got married I know my kids didn't. All the best and do let us know what you decide ?

Thank you everyone for your thoughts.
OH highly vulnerable and Covid means that we need to tick the boxes on our "bucket list" where we can - this was one of them - and to be honest, he needed to have something to cheer him up - has been very down.
Before all this we had pondered getting married on one of our cruises of just with a couple of friends as witnesses and just prsenting the family with a fait accompli (now I wish we just had!) ... but it felt a bit like going behind their backs and we really didn't want to upset them so we had some Champagne delivered and took a bottle of chilled champagne to socially distant garden meetings in each of their gardens and told them face to face that we had booked our wedding.
We intend to go ahead as planned and we have plenty of other options for witnesses, we just thought it would be nice for us, and them to be asked/considered.
Thank you for listening to my rant - I was just so upset yesterday.

Get married with two strangers for witnesses. You can't pick and choose which family members to have, or friends for that matter. Someone is bound to be offended. When all this Covid madness is over (if it ever is!) renew your vows with everyone there. No one is left out then, and you have two lovely occasions to remember.

@janipans Just go and do it - the registry office with a couple of friends or even strangers off the street.... your day, your rules. That way you get the legal bit out of way, to make sure you’ve got “the piece of paper “and you feel financially safe, and then have a “proper wedding” with perhaps a marriage celebrant to bless your marriage, and you can say your vows and make it special in front of all your family. (It’s what YOU want not what THEY want) if anyone sulks don’t take any notice! You’re grown-ups you can do what the heck you like! Good luck!

Of course you should have the wedding you want & in these uncertain times I can understand wanting to not waste time & get on with it. However I would agree with PP who suggest having a couple of close friends as witnesses & having a family party when restrictions are lifted.
If you or your partner have several children it may be hard for them to decide amongst themselves who is to attend their parents wedding.

After 16 years together we 'just did it' with 2 friends as witnesses. Didn't tell anyone. OH's son put out but, after a bit of arguement, soon got over it. He'd had his wedding how he wanted it (mum on top table, OH not) so we had ours how we wanted it.
14 years on and all is well.

In the words of famous trainers... Just Do It.

This is a complex one. My father and stepmother married telling only my sister and her daughter and told them to keep it secret from us. In actual fact, we all knew but the hurt and resentment from this cast a long shadow. What you are proposing is open, honest and fair under the strange circumstances we are in. Have a great day and enjoy your family celebration when it’s safe to do so! ?

A lot depends on how well the children get on with each other, I think WW3 would break out if I chose one and told the others they couldn't come. As family disputes really upset me, I would have just got married with two friends as witnesses, but got one of them to film the whole ceremony and give it to the family to watch afterwards. Then make a great thing about asking everyone to agree a date for a really big celebration next year. You can wear the dress, repeat the vows, and make it your proper wedding then.

If you choose friends to be witnesses I think it will be a bit sad for your AC who agreed with your plans just because your DP's couldn't.

Do as Lulubelle said.

My DH, daughter and a girl from Ghana who was staying with us went to Gretna Green for the day. Just for sightseeing and to show our friend some of ghe sights.
DH was approached by a couple who needed witnesses for their wedding. He gladly agreed, so he and my daughter stood in as their witnesses.

The couple just wanted to be there by themselves without a lot of fuss.

Nothing riles me more than when others whoever they are try to tell you what you should be doing, it’s your day, Your choice. Hope you have a lovely day,

You can’t stop his children from behaving like selfish brats so go ahead and do what makes you happy.

Your children sound so much nicer.

What not think of it as the legal preliminary to your wedding, similar to what happens in the Asian community here or for everyone in France - the register office ceremony for the legalities and then a wedding in the religious venue/secular venue/your own back garden where you can celebrate with everyone you love together, whenever that might be?
All the Register Office ceremony will do is give you the legal protection that comes from being married (or civilly-partnered). And from what you say in your original post, that is important to you both because of health issues.
So, I'd say, do it. Without either side of your family being represented if they are going to be silly about it. Grab a couple of strayers to be your witnesses, or your closest friend each. Get the bit of paper for the legal protection, if for nothing else. And then plan a wonderful party for later on.
And Congratulations! If you lived near me I would volunteer to be your witness (and I'd take lots of photographs!)!

Just get married and ask anyone close by to witness it
You don't need to tell anyone, it's your affair
Have a party later and make sure you update your wills
Best of luck and all good wishes

Friends of ours got married last week. Her grandson gave her away & his granddaughter was his best 'man'.
They are having a big 'do' when all this social distancing is over.
Seems a very good idea to us.

Is there separate regulations for registry office weddings then? As my friends’ daughter got married (in church) at the weekend and there was a fair crowd of people there (from photos I’ve seen).

The older I get the less relevant marriage seems. Be happy living together.

Two of my elderly friends had lived together for years as Common law Husband and Wife with out their children ever knowing the fact, Everyone who knew tyem always assumed that they were Married and addressed them as Mr & Mrs H. As they got older, they decided that they did not wish their children to know about this, and plans were afoot for a Golden wedding anniversary party in their honour. They needed to act fast and very descreetly, went into town and booked the first available Marriage slot at the local register office, then nervously waited for the day to arrive. They just dressed in their usual clothes for a shopping trip, caught the bus into town, asked a couple of staff off tye local Market stalls tyey regularly visited if they could spare them half an hour to do them a favour, then made their way across the road to the register office to get married! Word soon spread around the market stall holders, and the regular little Cafe van quickly arranged a Celebratory wedding Breakfast of Sausage rolls, Tea and cakes, and they returned home happy from their Shopping trip with their children none the wiser of what had just taken place!

You have taken this decision sensibly and with great forethought in these difficult times. I am afraid "children" even as old as they are tend to be rather selfish and difficult at times. Just go ahead and get married and as you say have a big family celebration later when it is possible! Enjoy! May you have a lovely day!

We married 13 years ago with a couple who are friends, my two children and first grandchild aged two months. My Mum was fine with it, we got home and my husband rang his family, in N Ireland to tell them. He is one of nine, the logistics in getting the extended family organised would have been horrendous.
So, a couple of weeks later we flew over and had a party, everyone was fine with it.

JuliaM oh wow and they got away with it good for them, that's quite a lot of years ? and how nice of the market stall holders and café van a true wedding breakfast ?