Unwanted Gift

Alexa is a very regular poster and a long time member of GN.
She is not given to fake posts and is “rather old” as am I.
This will not be fake and deserves our consideration.

Not fake. Other posts by the OP confirm this.

Alexa is a regular poster.

Chin up, Alexa, you deserve some respect.
At least you are still on good terms with your DIL and she is fond enough of you to buy you a present (even if it wasn't suitable).

People often buy something they'd love themselves as presents for others.
Tell your DS that the rake has his name on it.

Hetty and Elaine1 with all respect (not that you have show any) kindly withdraw your unfounded accusations against Alexa - a long-standing and respected member ???
Who do you think you are?

I totally agree, Maw.
Alexa, please ignore the two posters who are accusing you of being fake.
You have been on GN for even longer than me!.
I was on the receiving last week of some nastiness, I know exactly how it feels.
Elaine1 and Hetty, hopefully you will be as quick to apologise, as you are to accuse.?

I was taught to always accept a present with a smile and a thank you. Never to say I don’t like it. Think of all those hand knitted gloves, hats and scarves I had received at Christmas when I was a child.

dear Alexa, you are continuing to explain and justify why you had no room for the cushion.
but you do not need an excuse to do anything with presents.
what is concerning us is that you seem to think you do need a good reason not to use it. and the interaction with you son underlines this attitude, in both of you.
both you and he seem to think he has the right to tell you what to do. that is what is wrong. nothing to do with the cushion. he tells you what to do, even the correct form of words to use. does your other son behave like this. have you abased yourself because you were conditioned to regard males as superior.

Alexa, I am afraid it's your son that has the promlem, to have three ex wives is one for a start. However pleasant they might be to him now, they obviously didn't get on that well when married or they would not be ex. Forget the cushion, keep it until the dog drags the stuffing out if it , oops. In future if he starts ranting, give him the stare and tell him he's making your head ache. He sounds as if he needs counselling to be honest and is under stress, which you haven't caused.

Another angle. Does he have a need for your attention and approbation? You say you have 2 sons so does he feel his brother is more highly thought of, although I am sure this is not true. He may have felt rejected when he found the cushion in the cupboard and so ranted on for 2 hours getting rid of all his emotions. The same with the rake - in saying you didn’t want it did this make him feel rejected so he reacted by insisting you had to keep it?He said 2 of his exwives were the same. Also 3 wives have now rejected him so maybe he has lost his self confidence.

This is definitely about more than just a cushion. Maybe you could have a chat with him and find out why he is behaving this way.

There is a reason your son has at least three ex-wives. He has no right to have words with you, let alone harangue you for two hours. He is rude and uncouth. What was he doing, riffling about in your cupboards. Please do not allow him to invade your privacy in this manner. Gifts do not have strings attached - he would not have had the right to say anything, even if you threw it into the middle of the street, as a speed-bump. He has no respect, no sense of decency. Tell him, and mean it, that you would rather not receive anything at all, than be forced to accept something for which you have no use.

I’m sorry Alexa, if any of my sons went on and on for 2 hours over a cushion they would be wearing it! I wouldn’t put up with such rudeness, he sounds a controller to me, he’s showing no respect to you. Very very over the top, he compared your behaviour unfavourably with two of his ex wives, how many ex wives has he got!! I’d be locking him in that cupboard, what a awful son, he sounds as if he has problems, he has no respect,

I'm really sorry to say this but your son's behaviour is bullying. Nobody should be told what to do with things in their own home, let alone be made to feel as if they are in the wrong if they have been bought an extremely practical present, like a rake, which they never requested and for which they have no use. Prolonged haranguing of another person and demeaningly comparing their actions to another is bullying behaviour. I have no idea what you can do about this but please don't feel bad about yourself. You've done nothing wrong.

You are hilarious.

I think the words ‘two of his ex-wives’ speak volumes. He is obviously a difficult person and seems to bully you. Don’t let him do this; stand your ground and tell him that although you like the cushion you don’t as yet, know where to put it.

This is not about the gift, it's about his behavior. I can see he was disappointed that you had put the cushion in the cupboard but he should not be telling you off in such a way.
By the way - how many ex wives does he actually have. This is very telling, he sounds like a bully to me. Sorry Alexa.

Sometimes we do love a present when we're given it but then realise that there's nowhere to put it / we will never use it. That's completely different from hating it at first sight. So he is being unreasonable and you need to find a way of stopping his bullying (sorry, that's the first word that came up for me - 2 hours !!!) If you're afraid of standing up to him (?) then I suggest when a birthday is coming up or other celebration, you circulate a small list of things you would be grateful for (and things like "being taken out for lunch" could be on there). Explain that yours is a small home and you don't have any room for new things to be added (although a bunch of flowers is always appreciated)?

I would tell him to button up otherwise he might have an ex-mother to add to his collection of ex-wives! Really, who does he think he is?

Men behaving badly!

Don’t let him get to you. I have three sons and if any one of them went like that with me they would certainly be told in no uncertain terms to be quiet! My eldest son is lovely but very oppiniated and sometime s I let him rant on but recently when he told me which car I needed I firmly thanked him for his opinion and sorted the car I wanted myself!

Rather than asking not to get you anything for Christmas could you say rather than ‘stuff’ you’d like a lovely meal out / stay somewhere or similar? People usually like to give something

I am sorry but I felt really cross that your son had spoken to you like this! You deserve to be treated like an adult and not a naughty child! Haranguing you for 2 hours!!
You really need to be firm with him and tell him that you will not be spoken to like this. You are an adult, his mother, and moreover the one who taught him what good manners mean, so it is not his place to lecture you.

Why not some time after bring up in the conversation that It's a pity you dont have space for little extras, but what you would love is a hand with the garden or a bit of DIY, very welcome presents

Not necessarily helpful regarding your son but having recently decluttered I have asked my family please not to give me any more 'stuff' but if they want to give me a gift then a nicer version than I would buy myself of something I actually use would be very welcome eg soap, handcream, wine, chocolate, candles.

I received a gift back from a friend the other day for my birthday which I had given her last Christmas! I said thank you to her and put it in the cupboard. Not worth falling out over. It's ridiculous your son us speaking and treating you this way over a cushion. Put it behind your chair& when he comes put it on it.

I think that maybe he has been over indulged all his.life (That's not meant as a criticism) . We all have our own tastes and it seems silly that your ex daughter in law would buy something for your house. You said your self you don't see her very much. We (My children and family) give a little list of gift ideas. We reach an age where we have everything, (one of my birthday presents from my sister was a moisturiser l love. Some may think a strange present but it's something l needed and love to use. Much better receiving something you need than a cushion that doesn't go anywhere! You are defending a son and his behaviour (and l understand that too) but no one should go on at you for 2 hours over anything.