So disappointed - what should I do now?

That’s very brave of you jac64. I was once in a relationship like that, so much invested I couldn’t believe it wasn’t true... when I had the evidence I quietly completed withdrew. I didn’t even want a showdown with him as I suspected he got off on his image as a cad.
I still shudder with relief that I got out with some dignity intact he also had other ‘platonic’ women. He went on holiday with an online mate...whilst writing to me of his trials across the desert. It was a joke to him. He still tries to get in touch ... not with a barge pole. Phew. Sorry you are going through this different but similar experience of male entitlement. Online dating which is over two thirds women make men think they are a rare commodity...

Leave.

I don't see that you are getting anything much out of the relationship he has used you and gone behind your back you can't have a relationship without trust you have a family look to them for support as it isn't going to be easy to end it as he seems to say all the right things to convince you so he can have his cake and eat it

Reading your follow on posts you are talking yourself out of what is the right thing to do, re holidays grandchildren etc. From someone that’s lived through this he will not change he will just deviate to another way of not getting caught out, by you catching him out he will just go under cover for a while until things settle down. Whilst all the time you will be driving yourself mad with everything whirling around in your head. Trust me when I say if there made that way and this is what flicks there switch nothing will stop them getting there kicks this way. It will crush your self esteem and make you feel worthless and think that it’s your fault some how. It’s not your fault. If you stay with him your life will be one big worry. Forget the holidays and all that is booked it means nothing compared to your own happiness and sanity. I walked away from it all, it’s the best thing I ever did, yes it takes courage, but I feel free and happy for doing it.The life you’ve built with him means nothing to him so don’t let it mean anything to you. Break away while your young enough. Good luck x

As hard as it is finish this relationship. He obviously is a liar and you could never trust him. He is abusing by lying and a leopard never ever changes his spots.

Don’t be a fool like me and waste your life with a liar. It will be easier for you than some as you are independent with a roof of your own. I can only wish you strength and good luck as you move forward.

Get out now! He is devious, unkind and not to be trusted. You are worth more!

You say he has arranged meet ups too ! Don't let him lie his way out of this. It seems you have supported him, but he can't be faithful.
You will grieve for what you thought you had, and for the man you thought he was but then you should look forward to a fulfilling life of your own
End all contact is what I would do, and block him. Good luck and big hugs.

Hold your head high and walk away........now! You deserve so much better than him.

Best you finish the relationship ASAP. He’s a lying scoundrel and probably like a lot of old men too interested in dodgy sex sites.

oh Jac64, read most of these responses.

just keep in touch withus,, you are NOT alone...

you can p.m most anyone here if that helps..

just keep in touch with us,

hugs

Get out now! What an absolute scumbag he is, a user and loser. I’d rather be on my own than live a life with his lies and deceit. He will never change its in his DNA. Be strong don’t cave in when he professes his undying love as men like this do. I wish you all the best for your future

Walk away with your head held high, you are worth so much more and that’s what your previous relationships have given you the strength to do. “Research” is an often used excuse to cover up inappropriate on line activity. Mutual respect is an absolute must in any relationship and do not settle for anything less. Fly free.....

He obviously isn't as committed to this relationship as much as you are.
I always have this feeling that anyone that leaves their phone laying around, unlocked actually wants to be found out and it's either because they want to see how liberal you are or because they want to take a bit of a cowards way out and say "sayonara "without having to bother actually saying it at all!
"Research into scam sites" that's a good one! Time for you to give up on this uncaring person. Sadly where children are involved it won't be easy , especially as far as his son is concerned. But you really cannot continue in this non relationship unless you want to carry on as his family's unpaid babysitter.

You have taken the first step by admitting to yourself that he is cheating on you. Tell him that you are not going to put up with it and be prepared for his sob story and excuses. Laugh at the ‘research’ bollocks and let your family know why you are ending the relationship. Tell him he now has another platonic friend ( you) if you need an extra step before breaking off all contact. You can still keep in touch with his son if you want to. Good luck. ?

You are definitely worth more! Delete him!! What a sordid character !

End it immediately. He has lied to you. You won’t ever really trust him again, and will drive yourself mad wondering what he’s doing. Don’t let him manipulate you in to staying with more lies now. It will be horrible, but less painful in the longer term. You deserve someone who truly values you

Are you familiar with the term " wouldn't touch with a barge pole " ? You need to drop this loser and possibly stay away from online dating.

Its hard to make a big change when you have shaped a life with this man and his family around you - but as everyone here is saying - it looks as if you really know there is no happy future for you here. Find reliable support in friends or a counsellor and get this man out of your life. You are young and the future may bring you a much better relationship - I hope it does. Now is the time to find strength, value yourself and move on.

Oh hun... my heart goes out to you you have emotional ties with him and his family, you seem so patient and lovely. Why do some men feel this behaviour is exceptable and act remorseful when caught. It is your choice your feelings if he is worth it that's down to you. Doubt is powerful and will destroy the strongest relationship. You need to empower the situation... it appears he does not have your exclusive dedication. If his friend is hurting you with him putting her first and still being mates he needs to shut it down and think of you. As for research for a scam project l am sorry if he is such a good liar he deserves to be alone. Get yourself a guy who puts you first and you trust that he wont hurt you hun. X dont let anyone dull your sparkle you have got this

Absolutely- we have all been used in our lives anda not had the courage to leave when we should. This is your time- say the goodbyes and stick to them. Stay on course for a fuller free life for yourself - ask - is this what life wants from you- to be a caretaker in an abusive relationship? There is more you can contribute to the world with your talents- believe in yourself.

Definitely get out while you can.

Go girl go!

Jac64
You poor thing. Get out now if he gets away with this he won't change.
Short term pain now or forever tormented. I'm speaking from experience of similar things. Leopards don't change tgeir spots. You aren't a fool he is. Don't let him make you one.xx

Please leave him. It is hard but as you say "I never really had it in the first place!"