Hello, I am a long time lurker first time poster. I am seeking advice for what to do about a husband/inlaw issue I have been having for a while now. Just thought maybe some of you grandparents could give me some insight on how to make this better. I have been with my husband for 5 years now and we recently welcomed our first child q little boy in late 2020. I will try to keep this concise and to the point. I can provide more details if needed.
The issue is, is I often feel left out and disrespected during visits with my MIL and FIL. Since I first met them 5 years ago they just don't seem to want me around despite me being polite, respectful and trying to get to know them. My inlaws go between ignoring me, making passive aggressive remarks, correcting/arguing with me about meaningless things and preaching to me and my husband about what we should be doing better. I now dread visits and I am beginning go resent my husband for allowing this to go on so long. On the outside his parents dont seem like rude or mean people, they have friends and are well educated but they come across as just plain mean at times. They never ask me about myself, dont listen to me if answer the question they ask during a visit (how are you?) And they change the subject if I try to participate in any conversations.
Before our son was born my husband was alot more receptive to how I felt. He would at least try to include me or stand up for me if he thought his parents were being rude. We also saw his parents a lot less which was way more manageable for me. Now we are back to seeing them weekly. If I complain to him he now defends them, he says that's the way they are we can't change it. He wants me to just be quiet and go along with it so our son can have a good relationship with them. I do admit they are good grandparents to their other grandkids. But the other part of me has some mama bear instincts where I want to shield my son from them. I worry he will learn these behaviours or he will begin to treat me this way during visits as well. I already feel like the inlaws have a little club with husband that I am not allowed to join. They already claim everything my son does is just like DH and he looks/acts nothing like me.
I am beyond frustrated about this. I feel like I try really hard to include them and make them feel wanted but I am met with nothing but disrespect. During a few of my special events (wedding, baby shower, etc) I included MIL in them and she put a sour note on each event by snapping on me in front of others like I was a toddler. Should I just grin and bear it like I've been doing for the sake of everyone getting along? Should I stand up to them myself to hopefully make it stop? Should I give my husband an ultimatum to get him to see it's a problem and he needs to fix it?
If you have made it this far thanks for listening. I could really use a friend right now.
Lakelover89 Mon 11-Jan-21 17:50:26
silverlining48 Mon 11-Jan-21 18:04:08
keepingquiet Mon 11-Jan-21 18:41:04
Buffybee Mon 11-Jan-21 18:47:34
rafichagran Mon 11-Jan-21 18:52:13
Lakelover89 Mon 11-Jan-21 19:05:03
silverlining48 Mon 11-Jan-21 19:19:01
petra Mon 11-Jan-21 19:21:12
Buffybee Mon 11-Jan-21 19:29:20
Buffybee Mon 11-Jan-21 19:30:51
gt66 Mon 11-Jan-21 19:35:51
SynchroSwimmer Mon 11-Jan-21 19:40:39
Smileless2012 Mon 11-Jan-21 19:40:45
Lakelover89 Mon 11-Jan-21 19:45:43
Lakelover89 Mon 11-Jan-21 19:48:06
Lakelover89 Mon 11-Jan-21 19:59:41
V3ra Mon 11-Jan-21 20:10:34
silverlining48 Mon 11-Jan-21 20:11:14
FarNorth Mon 11-Jan-21 20:35:27
ExD Mon 11-Jan-21 20:49:46
Hithere Mon 11-Jan-21 20:55:15
ElaineI Mon 11-Jan-21 22:54:30
welbeck Tue 12-Jan-21 02:27:17
Lakelover89 Tue 12-Jan-21 05:33:17
NotSpaghetti Tue 12-Jan-21 06:53:28