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Meeting other like minded people

(104 Posts)
MollyAA12 Tue 23-Mar-21 06:57:33

We are a retired couple with no children, grandchildren or indeed any family.

We find it difficult to meet other couples in the same boat. Does anyne know of any club or association that we could join. I would be happy to start a friendship with someone by phone/email initially. Like a sort of phone pal situation.

All the older couples we know are tied up with grandchildren (usually) and really are not interested in us. We are looked upon as a little strange because I could not have children! We live in Lincolnshire

M0nica Tue 23-Mar-21 07:14:20

My friendship group contains single and married couples with and without children, but in every case we are united by common interests. Do you have any interests from sport, politcs, crafts, anything where the common interest is not family, but other interests that you could pursue.

H1954 Tue 23-Mar-21 07:23:44

I have gained two 'pen pals' via Gransnet. One lives in the U.K. and the other in New Zealand; we email one another from time to time and it is lovely to hear from someone outside of family and neighbours.

Have you considered volunteering for a community action group? I will PM you with the details of one that I am involved with. This is a great way to meet new people whilst 'giving back' to others.

U3a is another way of meeting new people. Face to face meetings are not allowed at the moment but hopefully, when restrictions are lifted, they will be and Group activities will recommence.

nadateturbe Tue 23-Mar-21 07:27:49

You could try the U3A in your area. They have lots of different groups so I'm sure you would find something of interest. They are doing some zoom meetings at the minute.

grandmajet Tue 23-Mar-21 07:38:15

Yes, I agree, the U3A is great with so many different groups.
We joined the local ramblers group when we moved house 6 years ago and found them extremely welcoming with all sorts of people involved.
My husband has also met many local friends through joining the Lions. Any local volunteering group always welcomes help.

Luckygirl Tue 23-Mar-21 08:47:10

All my friends have emerged through me pursuing things that interest me. Are there things that you both (or individually) enjoy that you could join in with? I am in choirs and part of a group that do "good deeds" in the village; I am also on the school governors. All these have generated friendships that I treasure.

I agree about U3A.

sodapop Tue 23-Mar-21 09:04:56

Do you have to do things together Molly if you have separate interests then pursue these when its possible, friendships may follow. U3A is a good idea also volunteering, that's how I met a lot of people and made some good friends.
There are lots of online forums and of course GN, I correspond with a couple of people on here.

Doodledog Tue 23-Mar-21 09:08:02

There is an organisation called Meet Up, which (as far as I can see) basically collates information about various groups in your area. You can scroll through them all, or search for particular interests.

I came across it because I too am hoping to broaden my social circle after lockdown. I think a lot of people will be realising that there are somme in our friendship groups who are there because of circumstances (having children of a similar age, for instance) and not because we necessarily want to go out of our way to see them, and be starting to re-evaluate things.

If you google 'Meet up Hometown' you will find it.

Quaver22 Tue 23-Mar-21 10:41:55

Lots of good advice! I had few friends in my local area when I was working because I worked in the next town and didn’t have much spare time. Since retiring I have made many good friends by joining choirs, a book club and a walking group. I also volunteer with two different organisations. Of course, I haven’t seen any friends for the past year but we have helped to keep one another going with Whattsapp groups and Zoom chats. As others have said, it is easier to make friends with people with whom you share interests. Good Luck,

Jeannie59 Tue 23-Mar-21 10:42:15

I joined Gransnet to chat to others and My posts never get posted or replied to
So I am wondering if this site is as clichey, as the outside world

Patticake123 Tue 23-Mar-21 10:43:12

We moved from North to South four years ago and knew before we moved we needed to seek out new friends . Unlike you we do have children and grandchildren but we do not impose on their lives nor them on ours. What did we do? Well, we found a brilliant Adult Education establishment that offered numerous courses and groups and we both enrolled onto various courses. We both joined a community choir, neither of us are singers but it is fun and an opportunity to meet others. My husband started guitar lessons and I joined a weight watchers group. We both joined the local U3a and the local gym, I went to the library and got myself invited into a book group. Through each of these things we have found new friendships. Some people are in a similar situation to ourselves, others are on their own, but from our experience, people are willing to make friends as, like you, they have possibly left work, left work colleagues behind and are beginning a new phase in their lives. And finally, I almost forgot, I got an allotment and I’ve met so many folk there, all willing to stop and chat, advise me where I’m going wrong with this warmer climate and generally cheer me up. So to conclude, after four years I feel we have been accepted into this community and we have made friends with several people. Good luck!

Nanny27 Tue 23-Mar-21 10:48:18

jeannie59. I'm sorry you feel that your posts are ignored. I can assure they will be read and often our posts just add to the general discussion. Mine are rarely replied to as such but I still enjoy joining in when I feel I have something to add. Keep posting.

mbody Tue 23-Mar-21 10:48:32

Find your local U3A and join together. Each of you could join groups which interest you individually from which social spin offs happen. Volunteer for a charity be it driving people to hospital or a charity shop or as a steward at a local stately home etc, there are loads of opportunities there. Be brave, dip your toes in!!!

SecondhandRose Tue 23-Mar-21 10:49:09

As soon as they start again go on local coach trips. Good way to meet people. Local clubs too

Newatthis Tue 23-Mar-21 10:49:12

There is an App called 'Dialup' which randomly connect people from all over the world. All you do is download the app, say which subjects you are interested in talking about and then you will get a phone call from a another person somewhere in the world to have a chat. It's free and I have made many friends. If you don't like the person you're speaking to or don't want that person to call again then there is a facility to do this. It's highly unusual to be connected to the same person twice unless you want to. Callers are both male and female and I have only had good experience. The App was started to connect people when the Pandemic first broke out. PM me if you have any problems connecting and I'll talk you through it.

Bbbface Tue 23-Mar-21 10:49:54

Please ignore if sensitive but did you choose not to have children? If so, do you now regret?

Peasblossom Tue 23-Mar-21 10:52:17

No Jeannie, most of us don’t get replied to. You can see from the comments made that a lot of people don’t even read the comments, they just have their say based on the original post.

Some of them don’t even really read the original post even 🙄

Best to view it as a place where you get things off your chest, rather than a conversation 🙂

(There are a few who will definitely reply if you dare to disagree with them😱)

Dottygran59 Tue 23-Mar-21 10:52:52

Hi Jeannie - I seldom post but always read, and I agree that unless you start a discussion your posts seldom merit an individual comment. Have you tried posting in the TV thread? Friendly bunch who will thank you for the recommendation and often come back to comment on the programme. Just a thought.

You have to be quite brave, I think, to come out of lurkdom, but it's liberating, so don't give up

silverlining48 Tue 23-Mar-21 10:56:32

Suggest ignore....no ones business but yours Molly.

Bbbface Tue 23-Mar-21 10:57:14

It’s unique to gransnet

On mumsnet - most read and respond

Gransnet - read the op and that’s it - it would seem!

Roseflower5 Tue 23-Mar-21 10:59:04

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Peasblossom Tue 23-Mar-21 10:59:38

Wow, Bbbface That sounded a bit like ‘serve you right”.

I hope you didn’t mean it like that.

Can I ask why you thought that was important?

Hetty58 Tue 23-Mar-21 11:05:40

MollyAA12, I never did the 'couples' friendships when I had husbands/partners - for good reason. It's difficult enough finding somebody interesting to spend time with. It's very rare that your partner will get on with theirs. I valued spending time away from 'couple' status too, time to be individual.

You really don't want 'like minded' either do you? That could be monotonous. You might as well talk to yourself. I do think shared interests is the best bet, though, so find some volunteering and/or hobby-based interests first.

Nanabanana1 Tue 23-Mar-21 11:05:49

I have made friends through Gransnet, went to their meet-ups and it has evolved from there, obviously have to wait until we’re allowed to meet up now. Lovely supportive ladies.

grandtanteJE65 Tue 23-Mar-21 11:09:13

At the moment, I doubt it is really possible to make new friends, due to all the restrictions.

I have found that it gets more difficult as we grow older and have experienced much the same as you. People are busy with their own lives and families.

However, grandchildren grow up, and as they do so, their grandparents will find they are not needed as much and will have time on their hands, so like you will be looking for friends.

Are there any walking groups or biking groups in your area that you could consider joining? In quite a lot of places there are these groups for people our age.

Otherwise as lockdown eases, could you consider some kind of voluntary work?

Like so many others, I too have found it easier to make friends if you meet people in the course of an activity or hobby rather than just chatting in the queue at the supermarket's cash desk. A lot of schools have "homework cafés" where people of our age help youngsters with their homework - obviously not now.

The Red Cross usually need people willing to visit lonely housebound people and the Salvation Army is often glad of those who will help out cooking a meal for the homeless.

If you like children, which, as I gather you don't have any because you couldn't rather than wouldn't, you probably do, you might find that worth-while.

Not all children have grandparents, or live near those they have, so "bonus grandparents" are sometimes a very good idea.