To stay or go?

Run

As fast as you can and don’t look back

So this isn't normal?

Nope it's not normal sorry.
It's hard to see it from the inside but it does not appear to be a healthy relationship.

Yes get out...it's not normal. Look after yourself.

Better alone which you are anyway, get out no point in staying really is there ?

I'm just so confused by it all. My dad had an issue recently and he stepped in and sorted that. But when I needed help with something it was an outright no. I'm very independent and can manage most things but just occasionally I would like to be taken care of. That doesn't seem unreasonable.

Run as fast as your legs will carry you, and keep running!

You must leave. Do not stay and hope it will get better - I can assure you it will not. You deserve better. Good luck.

He helped your dad with an issue probably to make himself look good. But of course you know he isn't it's not just you to be considered it's your daughter too. It's best for both of you to start a fresh and I hope you do.?

What does the relationship give you that is positive?
If the answer is nothing then make the break now.

Would you include him if you were making a meal for yourself and daughter? If the answers yes, but he doesn't do the same for you, then you have your answer. It's simple curtesy surely.

I'm surprised you're still with him after 12 years to be frank!

He needs a damn good wake up call!

Surprised you have stayed in the relationship as long as you have. The sooner you leave the better for you and your daughter.

Why are you still with this moron after 12 years, so when you ask for help he says no, what a charmer NOT, you deserve better as does your daughter, Run, or you will be in this same position years from now,

I can only echo what everyone else is saying.
Someone who cares about you would have taken you to have tests done, not let you go alone.

Don’t waste any more time on this man, get out with your daughter and have a happy life.

Thanks all. Yes I do make him a meal if I'm cooking for me or my daughter. He very occasionally will ask if I want anything. He knows I'm not happy at the minute and is making an effort but that won't last.

I notice that you say when you get in from work he is cooking or sometimes eating his own meal. Does this mean that he does not work? If that was the case in my house (it is) I would definitely expect my partner to be picking up the slack.

No he works full time as I do. He is much less career focused, goes in does his job and comes home. Mine is a demanding job which can sometimes mean long hours and work bought home. I feel like I'm running whilst he is strolling. But my job is my choice I guess and I need the challenges it brings. I would just like some support at home.

In any relationship you should have each other’s backs. It should be mutually supportive and respectful. That’s the base. If the base isn’t there you’re blowing in the wind. Check your base then make your decision. Good luck.

Just a thought.....might he be on the autistic spectrum?

Thanks. I think I am blowing in the wind...I don't think he is autistic. He's just very contained. He's the same with his son. Very strange relationship. He loves him but there's minimal effort put in to maintaining the relationship. Me and my daughter are very close.

Have you challenged him about his behaviour? Saying how lonely you are?
My partner and I have been together 7 years and it’s been challenging but know he supports me. We decided to live apart about a year ago and we do find the relationship is better. He gets his space I get mine. But he was with me when I had a bypass operation in 2018 and other health issues since.
Think about how you will feel if he’s not with you?
I also thought about could I actually start again with someone else? I’m no good alone.
Best of luck with your decision, do what you need to do to make yourself happy. Take care xx

Doesn't really sound like a relationship more like a house share. Have you talked to your partner about how you feel and your expectations.
Does he have a problem with the hours you work or the fact you bring work home, you need to talk honestly about things.
I would think about moving on if you can't resolve your difference Localandlost

I think you should leave.Apart from anything else it is not showing your daughter what a loving,healthy relationship should be like.