To stay or go?

"I feel like now I can't say all that's been bothering me because he's trying"
A home cooked meal is the most bare minimum - why do you settle for such a low standard?

Why not tell him ALL that bothers you yo give an honest chance for this to work?

The gut in me says -it's a little too late.

There is so much here to fix - a meal is not enough

So sorry you’re going through this. I’ve had similar problems and eventually walked away. The aftermath has been very challenging. I left about three and a half months ago. I was very lonely in the marriage. Three and a half months isn’t that long though.
What strikes me is, if you have a sixteen year old daughter, you’re still young and have lots of life to look forward to.
When I first met my husband eleven years ago, I thought our marriage would last for the rest of my life. I’m seventy three now, so this was probably my last relationship.
It was the right thing to do - leaving. But there’s no getting away from the fact that it’s a huge change. Out to lunch today, with lots of friends. Mainly couples. Watching how they interact hurts: seeing the care with which some wives are treated. But then, I didn’t have that. I definitely feel there’s still a stigma attached to being a lone woman. What do the ret of you think?

This is certainly not normal behaviour he is not showing you or daughter any love or compassion I'd leave and not look back

Oh Manny I'm sorry to hear that. It must have been a very tough decision. Can I ask if you regret it?
Although I have been with my partner for years I have often been the line woman. Sometimes I have felt very much the odd one out and at times I know I have been the subject of a conversation- sitting on holiday in a bar on my own (he chose not to come - won't stay in a caravan!) whilst my daughter was in the kids activities a couple of ladies at a nearby table made that very clear!
Daughter is staying with a friend tonight so I'm going to talk to him whilst we are on our own. He does need to understand that this is way beyond being made better by one helpful weekend.

Lone not line!

In fact it's not about him understanding. It's about me saying how I actually feel. All of it.

Good luck.

I hope it goes well.

It’s true that society can seem like it is organised around couples and families and it can take time to adjust to being alone. I was widowed young twenty years ago so I have had a lot of practice. Apart from the very occasional entanglement which I have usually regretted (one of them hugely) I have remained alone and prefer it that way. You grow in confidence until it seems like second nature to go solo. I have friends and do things with them too but I am perfectly happy to go to evening clubs, the cinema, theatre, concerts, galleries, talks and lectures, hiking, on holiday, anything really, on my own.

Nowadays, I prefer the company of other singles and tend to find them more interesting. Or my friends who are in relationships but aren’t joined at the hip to their SOs and don't talk about them constantly. The Bechdel test for movies can equally be applied to meets with friends.

If there is a stigma attached to being a lone woman, I no longer feel it, I just revel in my independence. I’m only seven years younger than you, manny, and I still get asked out remarkably often so don’t necessarily think that you won’t have another relationship if that's what you want. Sometimes, I say yes to dates, sometimes no but if yes, I always make it clear that I am not seeking any kind of committed relationship. I accept that I am old woman now but the last thing I want is an old man (or even a younger man) making demands and wanting to take away my independence.

Give it time, try some activities on your own and embrace your new freedom.

To LocalandLost and anyone stuck in an unhappy relationship. If you have the means to get out, do it while you have the chance. Single life can be rewarding and fun.

So I told him exactly how I feel. That I feel so alone that I actually might as well be alone. I've given examples and he has agreed he can see why I feel that way. He feels he has been trying for the last few weeks but has hit a brick wall. Told him that's because I have given up. He feels my job is partly to blame. I've explained my job is full on, it will be for a while as I get a specific section of the organisation sorted. I was clear by job won't change, it can't at the minute, and that actually it would feel a whole lot easier if I had more support at home. He heard me at least and I feel better for saying all that. He wants to try again but when I asked how we do that he couldn't say and agreed we have been here before.

I do feel that women's jobs can get blamed for men not bothering. No matter how hard one works, how successful one is; whether it's a career or the work a woman does to pay the bills while juggling all manner of family responsibilities. In many men's eyes everything would be better if you were at home waiting for him to come back from his important work. Of course they like the money you contribute so they don't say this out loud.
So his behaving like a nob toward you is because of your job mostly. So you must try harder too even though this came about because he didn't try at all.

So what are you going to do now?

He has told you this is your fault. How does it make you feel?

I'm seeing a counselor on Friday so I will do no more till after that. He may initiate a conversation before then but I doubt it. I feel I need to let it settle in that I am at the point of leaving. I even told him my plan so that he knows I have given it some thought. He didn't put everything on my job. He feels it's a contributing factor. That's not negotiable and I told him so. He did accept the examples I raised and apologised. He couldn't really argue with them. At the moment I just feel relieved it's out there and that I was able to be really clear about what I want and need.

Leaving is the best option.

I hope the counselling session goes well today.

Leaving is the only way