Husband becoming obsessed with much younger single neighbour

Sorry I tried to quote but it didn’t work. Why Amber was reporting Katies post? I’m not disagreeing if there’s something there but I can’t see it ?

I didn’t understand it either polarbear

No neither do I Polarbear. If people are reporting posts like this it is no wonder that good and trustworthy posters are banned for life.

AmberSpyglass bit over the top aren't you?

Well GN deleted it, so it’s clearly not just me.

Vanecam
I fully disagree

If I had a neughhbour wait for me when he knows I will be there for the school bus, it would make me very uncomfortable.
His behaviour is predatory and creepy.

OP's DH has a medical issue that needs to be managed or if not, a kick in the butt and a serious conversation with him to cut it off.

I didn’t understand what upset you Amberglass perhaps I read it in a different way to you but I didn’t get anything particularly bad in it certainly not anything necessary to report Perhaos I missed something

muffinthemoo

Ah come on now, an affair? When he’s in his seventies? Even if the spirit were willing the flesh is surely incapable. Things are bad enough for bettina without setting her to chase that hare.

I hope your son helps to get to the bottom of this, and I hope your husband has just gone a bit odd in lockdown and there’s nothing medically troubling him.

It's not unheard of, muffinthemoo!

But I think as far as this scenario is concerned, chance would be a fine thing!

AmberSpyglass

Well GN deleted it, so it’s clearly not just me.

Well maybe Amber would like to tell me, or is she just afraid to come clean.

I should think the neighbour would welcome you speaking to her. It might be a relief for her to know that you are aware of the problem.

if he is delusional he could become more than a pest.
hope something is done to shift the situation.

I think the concern here is both for the man’s wife but also for the neighbour. The last thing anyone wants is someone living next to them who makes them feel uncomfortable or unsafe - and the last thing that the OP wants is the police showing up because she’s made a (justifiable!) complaint.

(I don’t think it’s fair on the OP to derail her thread any further, but I found katie59’s comments about women with children by more than one father genuinely unpleasant and clearly they breached the site guidelines. Feel free to DM me with any other comments and let’s leave this as a space for the OP to get the support and advice she came here for)

There have been suggestions upthread of early Dementia symptoms.
You might like to read this
What are the symptoms of frontotemporal dementia?
Behaviour and/or dramatic personality changes, such as swearing, stealing, increased interest in sex or a deterioration in personal hygiene habits
Socially inappropriate ,impulsive, or repetitive behaviour
Impaired judgment
Apathy
Lack of empathy
Decreased self awareness

Sadly, we knew of someone this happened to, he was in his 80s but kept trying to proposition his home help.

When I was sitting down in the shade outside a shop when a lady came out of the shop, lit up a cigarette and started chatting about her late Dad.
She said he had become very inappropriate to her and described some very unsettling things. I listened to her and felt very surprised she was so open seeing as I'd never met her before- but I could tell she was really bothered a long time after the event.

It's just so sad for all concerned with anything like this.

MawBe has it right - this sort of inappropriate behaviour is common in dementia, PD and Lewy Bodies - I know of what I speak. It is very hard indeed for the families of those to whom this happens.

This man needs a proper medical assessment.

One of the drugs used in PD can cause this; but this drug is also used for other non-PD problems, like restless leg syndrome. He needs his medication (if any) reviewed and a proper diagnosis.

I am sorry OP that you are facing this challenge.

I hope you get some support from your family Bettin.

For his own sake he needs you to make him understand what is happening to him. Obviously he lacks the insight into his own feelings and you have insight. So in fairness to him you need to try to make him understand he needs to control his feelings at least for his own sake.

Is there anyone else whose opinions he values who could talk to him?

PS obsessing about an attractive person is possible at any age. and it is not a sign of dementia more a sign of temporary mania, no matter the age of the sufferer.

OnwardandUpward

When I was sitting down in the shade outside a shop when a lady came out of the shop, lit up a cigarette and started chatting about her late Dad.
She said he had become very inappropriate to her and described some very unsettling things. I listened to her and felt very surprised she was so open seeing as I'd never met her before- but I could tell she was really bothered a long time after the event.

It's just so sad for all concerned with anything like this.

Sometimes it's easier to talk to a stranger who you're unlikely to see again..

That kind of oversharing is pretty common after trauma. That said, it’s not very respectful of someone else’s boundaries and I’d have moved away.

I would have a quiet word with your neighbour NOW.

Ask her to keep the matter between you and her.

Like others, I cannot feel that she is likely to be romantically interested in your husband, but you never know.

I find the prospect that a woman of 44 feels harrassed or stalked by a man your husband's age far more worrying. She may well be hesitiating to approach you or go to the police, but be worrying about this situation.

Looking back, I would have appreciated the wife of a man behaving like this to me, to have let me know that she knew what her husband was up to, did not approve, and was trying to stop him making a nusiance of himself.

I would have appreciated it too, having been made uncomfortable on more than one occasion by men who should have known better or been less selfish.

Not all of them have wives, so in this case it's good that you're aware and available Bettinalove

I do appreciate why lots of people think Bettinalove should speak to her neighbour, but I'm afraid I dont think it is wise to do so.

This is none of her doing, and although he is her husband, I would ask the question, is his behaviour necessarily her responsibility?

There is no way of knowing how the neighbour would respond to her conversation anyway.

Just my pov. Not meant to be argumentative.

I am not sure i would be comfortable with the wife talking to me about it.

It could be a dangerous move too.
If the neighbour is already angry about it, any words could be misinterpreted and add fuel to the fire.
Sometimes, messages do not come accross as intended.

I would just appreciate if he would stop his behaviour and relieved he would be getting the medical attention he needed.