Son asking me if he should marry his partner

I wouldn’t try. Listen by all means, and reflect back to him he is saying, but don’t advise. He really does have to weigh up what they both want and make his own decision.

I would advise her not to marry him, more to the point. He sounds a bit full of himself and maybe if they can't see common ground now she should think twice before having children with someone who seems self-absorbed and selfish.

If he has to ask others to make up his mind for him about something so important then he's not being at all mature. If it turns out to not work the way he wants, will he have a tantrum and say "but YOU told me to do it!", thus avoiding the pitfalls that come with owning responsibility.

If he needs to ask his Mum then I’d say he shouldn’t. And the young lady would be well advised to steer clear of him because he clearly isn’t right for her.

Did he ask your advise before committing to the house purchase?

Good grief - none of my children asked me - they told me😂

He sounds unsure of total commitment he agreed to property together but marriage seems too much for him. He is making excuses criticising her as if looking for an escape route. He needs to grow up get real and she needs to get a real man who knows what he wants.

CrazyH exactly they told me and I told my parents

This sounds very strange, and he sounds as if he is much to tangled up with his parents at the age of 43 to be asking their advice Did he ask your advice about buying the home Margotmar ?
He might want to talk about serious subjects with his girl friend but having only started to grow up at the age of 30 it sounds that he’s found a jewel to even be putting up with him I think she should be asking the questions especially if she wants to start a family
He sounds quite self absorbed

You could be talking about my friends son ( common denominator) dope.
This couple didn’t marry but they had a child. That child was taken into care.
I’m wondering what was it about your son that attracted her to your son.
I don’t care what 2 adults want to do, it’s children I care about.

He shouldn't have to ask his parents if he should marry, this shows immaturity and I feel for his partner, buying a house together should have shown his commitment to her but hasn’t and its a pity the penny hasn't dropped for her, but it will...

If she's a mountaineer she will decide for herself what she wants..he might not be able to keep up with her..

Both of my daughters discuss major decisions with me, neither are asking for advice as such but they like to use me as a sounding board. I find listening, asking reflective questions and being non judgemental gives them time and space to come to a decision. Neither you nor anyone else knows how well any relationship really works so he has to make his own decision and take responsibility for it.

My DDs do not discuss their relationships with me, and on the only occasion when this happened I simply said that I cared about them but that I could not get involved - that they had to take full responsibility for their own decisions in their lives.

Clearly if they had been involved in an abusive relationship I would have stepped in.

I would not even begin to think of giving anyone advice in a situation like this.Your son is just setting you up so that he can have someone to blame if whatever decision he makes goes wrong.

He is 43 , for heavens sake. if he cannot make a decision whether to marry his long tme girlfriend, mother of his child at that age, he is beyond any help or advice.

Keep yourself well away from this minefield. Tell your son that he has to make his own decisions and you hav no opinion on the matter.

If “THEY” want children his partner is 37 it’s time to get on with it, if she wants to give up travel and mountaineering her life is going to change.

It no use saying they will share the child rearing it affects the woman far more than the man, so it’s a matter of what they decide, if there are any doubts dont marry.

Does he love her? This all seems about him. Nothing is certain in life and sometimes we have to take a punt. They could have children without being married if that’s the issue (pardon the pun) as many do these days. If he doesn’t consider his partner’s needs she may walk away.

At the end of the day he is a grown man and has to decide for himself.

Does his partner know that he is asking his mother for advice? In her place, I'd have run a mile.

Doesn’t sound as if he loves her. Just likes her. If she was my daughter I would tell her to not expect commitment from him.

I agree with most on here - listen but don’t give advice.

oh dear, I commented on this, wonder where I posted it?

oh, I'm okay. it was a similar story under ask a gram by *Meoew8

I think he should give her a chance of finding someone else who truly loves and aappreciatex her.

He sounds quite self-absorbed and immature, sorry.

He still needs to grow up!

Is he looking for his parents to make the decision for him?

And she needs to run.

If she finds out he has asked his mum I doubt she would want to be with him let alone marry.