Anxiety

Surely your husband knows of your anxiety so I’m surprised he was so gung ho.

Communication is key in any relationship.
You need to talk.

We don’t know enough here. Have you always been like this?

Just wondering if the anxiety is new - or maybe you recently married?

No its not new,I've had it all of my adult life.
It's very hard to deal with at times.
I don't think my husband gets it at all.

Yes unfortunately, its hard to live with.
I've tried counselling but nothing has worked.
I had very bad psoriasis as a child which made me very self conscious and think that may have triggered it.

I feel sorry for you. I suffer from it too. Takes a while for me to get to know someone and only then I relax. Often after a social occasion I spend the next few days going over what I said and wondering what people thought of me. It's awful. Such a blight on my life. So I understand OP even if my post is of little help. My husband is aware but he just doesn't get it as he's never had an anxious thought in his head!!

You have just been away with your DH. Would you prefer that he had left you at home?

You do sound more depressed than anxious- maybe you should get some help with this and it doesn't have to be counselling. I would start by having a word with your GP because it sounds like you don't really want to be this this.

I don’t find it hard to talk to people but I just don’t want to. The older I get the less sociable I become. If my DH and I go on holiday I honestly have no interest in chatting to anyone I don’t know. I feel awful saying it but I just want to be left in peace.

Thanks for understanding, I think my husbands approach is for me not to shy away from these situations but its not that easy and it makes me too uncomfortable.

It’s hard myself and my husband do lots together. We recently booked a cruise and have ore booked our dining so it’s just us. I’m not antisocial but like to choose who I link up with.

I hate it when people "take over" your time when on holiday. I am an introvert and don't want to become new best friends. I just want to enjoy my solitude.

Exactly

Maybe there are other ways to manage this by trying (for example) to find a holiday where you won't find many English speakers?

Or perhaps if you took a villa you could still go out for a drink or meal but wouldn't keep bumping into the same people?

Or is he chatting in (say) Spanish to locals anyway?

Maybe he just loves to socialise?
In that case could you say to your new friends "I had a lovely lunch with you today but I'm afraid I just like to take to my room of an evening with a good book... but maybe Mr Shimmer might like some company?"
Then if you wanted to you could go for (say) one drink and then leave early "that's me for the night now" and off you go to get to your book?

I think having a strategy in mind may help.
I've discovered that it's hard to say no but much easier to say it straight out than to try to extricate yourself later.

Works "jollies" spring to mind here... 😬😬😬😬😬

I feel for you, but also for your husband. A sociable person will find it very claustrophobic to be away on holiday and only have conversations with one other person, and must crave other company. Is there a compromise, where you could spend some of your time away separately, you could read or relax, and he could mix, eg a quiz, a pool tournament, golf or whatever? I think you would probably both have a better holiday if both your needs were met.

Not at all antisocial.
Why should you have to spend time with these people, or any people? You went on holiday with your husband, time away from the social norms at home, so you could relax and spend time together, or separately, if you wanted!!
If your husband is inclined to spend a lot of time with them, let him while you enjoy some time alone. As long as he spends some time with you, too, you should both have a lovely holiday!!

Shimmer, being yourself is all that you need to be. Anxiety can be all consuming, exhausting and no doubt was made much worse by being in unfamiliar surroundings, being on holiday.
I’m sure when you’ve thought it all through, you will accept that you did nothing wrong or out of character.
Take care of yourself.

I am sorry you have had this type of anxiety on holiday. Your husband should know your character, and that you find socializing with strangers hard.

Tell him how you feel, and maybe let him go off oh his own for a while, whilst you enjoy yourself with a book.

My mother suffered very badly from social anxiety .
When she retired - she no longer had to force herself to socialise with people and it became worse .
She had many hobbies ,but time and time again she'd give them up because someone had upset her .
Someone at my church called her a recluse and was quite insulting.
A neighbour told me that he never really liked her .
She had passed and both comments were insensitive .

The thing is - my mother had PTSD and our GP would prescribe huge doses of valium to cope with it .
Later he managed to wean her off the valium and put her on Prozac .
The hospital decided to take her off Prozac and I had a terrible time trying to cope with her anxieties .
The GP represcribed it .
She had counselling ,but not enough .

It used frustrate my father (an extremely quiet and retiring man )-but he didn't push her into going out and had to accept that holidays had become an ordeal .
Unresolved issues had become more of a problem for her as she aged .
I also found it frustrating ,but I understood her feelings.
I used to take her out otherwise she'd stay at home all the time.

I don't have an easy solution for this .

Recently,I've had two verbal attacks of racial abuse delivered against me followed by witnessing some supermarket workers being attacked during a late night shop.

It's shaken me to the core .

I'd describe the area in which I live as a pleasant leafy suburb - very much a dormitory town .

Now I see it in an entirely different light .

If I'm not careful I'm going to end up like my mother with social anxiety /agoraphobia .

I'm going out today .
I've arranged to go out at the weekend .

My mother was like this. She was fine while my father - a very jolly, sociable, type, was alive, since she could ‘hide behind him’ so to speak, at any non-family social occasion.

Once he was gone, she just wouldn’t go to anything unless one of us went with her - not even a meeting of her residents’ association of the small close where she lived, even though she knew most of the others.

By then we knew it’d be useless - and just cause her stress - to try to persuade her.

I’m a sort of cross between my parents - I’m fine with social occasions but would often prefer not to have to go!

One dd is a real extrovert, extremely sociable, the other is more like me.
And as so often with extroverts, mine thinks there’s something wrong with people who aren’t like her!

No! You are not in any way being “antisocial”

It’s an awful blight to have social anxiety.

There may be many reasons why, have you ever mentioned it to your GP? I ask because there are many different ways to manage this horrible condition.

If nothing else. It might be worth you googling it & perhaps your DH should too!

Not antisocial.

I've not much interest in people apart from family, happy introvert.

Witzend

My mother was like this. She was fine while my father - a very jolly, sociable, type, was alive, since she could ‘hide behind him’ so to speak, at any non-family social occasion.

Once he was gone, she just wouldn’t go to anything unless one of us went with her - not even a meeting of her residents’ association of the small close where she lived, even though she knew most of the others.

By then we knew it’d be useless - and just cause her stress - to try to persuade her.

I’m a sort of cross between my parents - I’m fine with social occasions but would often prefer not to have to go!

One dd is a real extrovert, extremely sociable, the other is more like me.
And as so often with extroverts, mine thinks there’s something wrong with people who aren’t like her!

My mother is exactly the same . My father was very sociable and his job involved entertaining clients, often with my mother. I now realise she was hiding behind him. Since his death 20 years ago she rarely goes out unless it’s with me, my siblings , her siblings or a small group of girlfriends she met at my primary school.
She lives in a retirement complex and doesn’t go to coffee mornings unless I take her. She just finds socialising too stressful.
I’m a combination of both parents . I’m fine with social occasions, meeting people and can do small talk . But also enjoy my own company and being by myself.

Oh just to add , no you’re not being antisocial . It’s who you are

I think there are two sides to this question. Some people just get a buzz out of meeting and chatting to people, and others, like me, like to connect with people on the same wave length. Have you ever explored your social anxiety with a psychologist? I discovered that I was just a miserable person when in the wrong company, but give me the right company, and I had a great time.

I have just returned from a holiday in Menorca with my husband. It was wonderful, our hotel was filled with elderly Spanish people who knew how to enjoy themselves! They spoke little English and we spoke even less Spanish. They were very gracious and welcoming. Not having to make small talk with other people was refreshing.
Last year we spent a week in a hotel full of Brits who launched into their life stories at the drop of a hat. We even took to hiding from one particular chap who would have talked at us for hours given the chance. Not a conversation, he just wanted an audience.
You are not anti social!