Anxiety

Shimmer - I'm sorry for you. Social anxiety is difficult to live with but it's also hard for the person who may feel that their life is becoming smaller because their partner never wants to go out for fear of meeting someone who strikes up a conversation.

I'm a psychotherapist and have many clients who suffer with anxiety of all kinds and that has its origins in many different circumstances. You say that you've had this all your life so my question would be what brought you and your husband together in the first place? Where did you meet and was that an accident or a social situation? If it was a social situation he will find it hard to understand why you don't like such situations now so you need to communicate with him and let him know what it is that worries you.

Can I ask the question whether you have any sensory problems, like are you disturbed by lots of noise or the texture of certain foods in your mouth, or particular materials on your skin? If so you might have a touch of autism, not that you need a label but it may help your husband to appreciate that you're not being miserable or awkward.

Did you feel more comfortable during lockdown or were there any aspects of your social life you genuinely did miss, like for example doing your shopping in large supermarkets?

My advice is to visit your GP and ask for some counselling for your anxiety - I'm sure that if you try to tackle this through talking therapy you won't need any drugs. Before you see the GP think deeper about the anxiety - is it purely related to meeting other people and having to talk/interact, or does it extend to worrying about stepping onto a bus or train, or thinking you might faint in the cinema or theatre? In other words is it generalised anxiety you're experiencing or simply a worry about having to interact with other people. If you can isolate the triggers that cause the anxiety for yourself, you'll be well on the way to understanding a little more about the problem.

You aren’t antisocial nor do you have social anxiety. You just didn’t want to be sociable with these people. There’s nothing wrong with that. We are all different and just because you may not want to behave as many others do, doesn’t mean there’s anything ‘wrong’ with you or that you need medical treatment!.

No , she didnt want him to leave her at home , she wanted peace and quiet with her husband and not to be dragged into a social evening with " friends " which she did not know ... my sympathy is with her ...

GoldenAge
I can relate to your post. Not for myself but through my granddaughter who suffers from anxiety.
She is 16 and up until last year she couldn’t get on a bus or train on her own.
So one day last year we drove into town where we have a big bus terminal. As you can imagine the anxiety started to ramp up. Fortunately I understand what’s happening physically ie adrenaline, fuel, fight or flight, breathing.
We took several bus journeys over a few weeks.
I cried a few weeks later when she phoned me and full of joy she told me she had been on a bus on her own. 😂

Agree with Suzie. I do suffer a degree of social anxiety but am also a chatty sociable person but I need my own personal space. I am happy to chat briefly to others on holiday if we are all out on a trip together but prefer to just be with my husband. I avoid cruising holidays and other holidays where you are lumped together expected to sit on big tables to dine with others. We go away to relax and spend quality time together and enjoy being on the outside people watching. We have close friends we go away with occasionally and they are the same as us.

How did you cope with your courtship and marriage if you were anxious

How old are you

Go & speak to your GP about your anxiety. I was suffering so spoke to mine and he has prescribed me Propaninol which I can take as & when needed as it works 30mins from taking it

I avoid cruising holidays and other holidays where you are lumped together expected to sit on big tables to dine with others.

*GrannyIvy^ this is not the case on cruises nowadays in our experience.

So I have been going on group holidays since I retired ten years ago. Usually 15 to 20 people, a mix of singles and couples. I would make a big effort to be sociable, but for me its exhausting. I am OK in the daytime, but evening group meals I loathe. So this year I went on holiday on my own. I was nervous and thought I might be lonely, but I absolutely loved it. I had a local guide each day and spent the whole time chatting to them about local history and local customs. In the evening I had room service meals and read my book in blissful peace. I like people, but I am a classic introvert and need downtime on my own. Its just how I am. Dont blame yourself Shimmer, you are not antisocial. I think everyone varies in sociability and that is fine. Incidentally my husband doesnt like holidays, so he doesnt come along, which I totally accept.

jakuss

How did you cope with your courtship and marriage if you were anxious

Maybe there's a typo in your profile name jakuss. Shy/reticent/anxious people meet extroverted people and fall in love. Maybe the extrovert does all the talking and perhaps they find the shy person intriguing. Who knows and is it our business? They met and are married. It doesn't mean it magically transforms you into a gregarious extrovert. Are we not allowed to be different? Humans are incredibly complicated and multi-layered. The OP feels bad enough about her social anxiety. Think for a moment about what scares you. Standing up in front of one hundred people and giving an unrehearsed speech? Having a filling without local anaesthetic? Now imagine how the OP and others feel about social situations. Try to walk in other people's shoes. I realise the chances are you're a troll.

I wonder if the OP ever gives any thought to her husband's feelings?

Reported.