Morning dress

Why doesn't your husband follow the growing trend and hire his morning suit. After all if it's good enough for the new Mrs Johnson and other celebrities then I am sure it is good enough for your husband. What you have will be perfectly acceptable and perhaps a hair band type thingy that the Duchess of Cornwall and Cambridge favour a bit more upmarket than a fascinator, they seem to be seen less now or can you borrow a smart hat from a friend that has been to a posh do or wedding this will keep the cost down and you won't need to say anything to your nephew or his bride.

The accepted - and acceptable - alternative attire for male wedding guests is Highland dress! I often see guests gathering outside the local church attired in kilts though it's a fair bet that most of these gentlemen have few if any Scottish ancestors. So, of the OP's husband can lay claim to membership of a Highland clan, he could cut a very handsome dash at the wedding.

Of it’s going to be a very small wedding, you will pretty much be considered part of the bridal party, especially for the photos. Your outfit, dressed up with a hat or fascinator should be fine, but your husband should hire morning dress

I would check with the person who is organising it. As you say, it's an honour to be invited and you don't want to be remembered as the people who didn't want to follow the dress code but turned up anyway!

Nannarose, you only own a Tilley hat?! Woman after my own heart!
Seriously, you have had some good advice that I won’t add to but would just comment that, as someone who wouldn’t like to be the odd one out, I personally, would definitely check.

Just ask the nephew for advice as to whether offence would be caused, making sure that his future bride is happy with the decision. It is the couple's day, not the future MIL's!

Oh goodness is it you they want at their wedding or a cardboard cut out I m afraid I would go as you had planned it sounds lovely as does your husbands suit

Although annoying to spend money on a morning suit when your DH a has a lovely suit which is of better quality than a hired outfit, perhaps if you looked at it as a way of supporting the ‘wedding business’ which has suffered greatly in the pandemic, it won’t feel quite so painful. Remember to take some good photos of him!

Morning suits can be hired you do not need to buy one. You can hire womens wear for events like this as well.

HannahLoisLuke

Sorry, forgot to post the picture of the Tilley Hat

I've got a poor woman's version from M&S

FannyCornforth

I'm going to have to Google Tilley
Weddings are a bit of a nuisance aren't they?
All least they're not expecting you to travel abroad for the honour of seeing them get married!

Your second sentence - no-one ever spoke a truer word.

People wore what they liked to my wedding. I wouldn’t dream of expecting guests to buy or hire expensive clothes just because I was getting married.

Aldom

Tilley hats also have a secret compartment inside the crown where one can keep emergency money. My husband had winter and summer Tilley hats. The winter hat has flaps which can be pulled down to protect the forehead, ears and the back of the neck from the cold.

I want one

Bless you all - and yes, I have emergency money, wipe & tissue in my Tilley hat!
I very much appreciate the tone of this discussion, and the way people have respectfully put their points of view.
It does seem that in the end, it comes down to:
Bride & groom should not make people feel uncomfortable or put them to extra expense
or:
Guests should accept what the bride & groom want, and if they really don't want to, then stay away.

I have personally abdicated responsibility! As you have largely agreed that my outfit is mostly fine, the expense and discomfort will be DH's. As it is his family, I feel he better understands the nuances of this. I know that although he really doesn't want to go now, he will, in order not to upset an elderly relative (who I don't think has ever worn a morning suit, ever!)
So I will find something to cover my bare head. DH is going to talk to another male relative (who I suspect will suggest we turn up in pyjamas!) and we'll take it from there.

I am sure that the young couple just thought this would be nice.

When DHs younger daughter married the close family wore morning suits, but most others didn't, I don't think it's fair to expect people to fork out for the hire,weddings are quite expensive enough with accommodation and presents.

(I’d love a Tilley hat but can’t justify spending £70 on a sun/bush hat). For my daughters weddings I asked around and borrowed a hat. All the bridal party men hired morning suits - they were all slightly different so be warned and check what is expected. The men were provided with cravats/ties to match the colour scheme. Other men just smart casual. Just bite the bullet and enjoy the day as much as possible. Perhaps cut back on amount spent on “the gift”.

When dd2 married, the groom, best man and his brother hired fancy suits with matching waistcoats, cravats etc everyone else wore smart suits and/or nice dresses, but not at the same time.
Hope you have a lovely time Nanarose.

I ve never worn a hat since school not even for my children’s weddings and they never expected me to
I m afraid I think there is far too much spent and far too many expectations with weddings
Why are women expected to wear hats at weddings ?

Goodness BlueBelle that's a can of worms. Christianity once, historically and not so many centuries ago, tried to make women cover-up and dress "modestly" in much the same way that some religions still do. Hats were a relaxation of the idea that women must cover their hair in Church I would think.

Again, thanks - and yes 'modest hair covering' is found in most of the Abrahamic religions. One religious colleague (not saying which tribe) once asked me if I wasn't uncomfortable with my bare head, bare legs (below knee skirt) and bare arms (short sleeves) as men would look at me lustfully 'they can't help it'. I explained that in my cultural background, they were taught it was their responsibility to jolly well help it!
And I just wanted to add that my winter & summer Tilley hats were both gifts (as are major items in our family) and have so far done 12 & 14 years respectively without showing any signs of wear. And they are regularly squashed into rucksacks. I expect them to see me out!
I look daft in a hat (think apple dumpling) and wear my Tilleys for practical reasons.

Ah Nannarose, you sound like a woman after my own heart. We have sensible gifting and lists, so people get what they really want and need, although I do make (sew) extras.

I would love to have been a fly on the wall while you were having that conversation . I have had some good hats over the years but buying one to wear once would not sit easily with me. I thought, now I am an old woman (or have been since Covid decided who the elderly are) I would check hats out again so I have been looking for a French-style velvet beret pattern to make for the winter.

I do hope you manage to sort the wedding clothes out so that everyone enjoys the day.

I look daft in a hat (think apple dumpling)
I look like a mushroom.

However, a sun hat, sunglasses and mask is my go-to outfit this summer.
No-one can see the wrinkles, or even recognise me!.

Back on to tell you how it went.

Young members of our family expressed the view that as all sorts of compromises and sacrifices are being made at the moment, to go along with the request seemed reasonable. In fact, Moss Bros told DH that his suit trousers & waistcoat were acceptable, so he only hired the coat.

The groom's guests (us) numbered 6 couples, all of whom dressed formally.

The bride is half Scottish so her side had a good sprinkling of Highland dress, but the others wore lounge suits (men) and only a couple of women wore the 'nice jacket & hat' ensemble.
So those of you who said folk would ignore the request were correct!
However, the groom & his parents thanked us repeatedly for making the effort to attend - they may have meant the travel, the cost of the hotel, the hired suits or all 3.

I went with natural flowers in my hair rather than a hat, and was given good advice on keeping them in place, which worked.

And also, as you all predicted, we just ended up having a lovely time!

Personally , the description of both yours and your husband's outfits sounds great and just right or maybe you should speak to the family and see if maybe, at least for your husband, that you could join in with the groom etc in hiring at least the tails!
I would guess that because it will be a smaller wedding, they chose to make it a bit more formal.
As far as a hat goes - I don't know if you are out and about shopping yet, but have you checked out the charity shops ? Most of them have some beautiful hats that have been worn just once for a wedding , just for a few pounds.

Thank you for reporting back Nannarose I’m glad all went well.

I would not have an issue in wearing morning dress if invited to the kind of function where morning dress was expected.
Its just for one day and you can always hire if disinclined to spend out on something you may only wear once.