Harvey and me

Iam64, yes, it's very important that the wider (voting) public understands just how underfunded LAs are. Unfortunately, they don't - until they have a loved one in need of care.

Exactly Hetty58. People often blame the l.a. When government funding is the key

It seems that KP is a very divisive figure, I wonder what it is about her that makes some people feel so deeply uncomfortable? I wonder if it's because she appears to be a walking contradiction. A woman who appears self involved and is apparently vain, yet who is also a very loving and capable mother in possession of a great deal of empathy. We often don't enjoy people who challenge our judgments. We like people even less when they do things that make our judgments look as shabby and lazy as they usually are. Any 'ism' is often a shabby and lazy view of situations that we would rather judge and defend than face.

I read an article recently that mentioned the reasons why her other kids are currently living with their fathers. It began in the first lockdown and was more about protecting Harvey than anything else. Hard to judge that. As for her financial situation, none of anyone's business. Children are everyone's business and as she has proved she is not a risk to her children then it has to be concluded that negative views about her are the problem of the person holding those views, and have little to do with KP.

Having said that, I'm not a huge fan and don't go out of my way to follow what she does. Neither do I use straw men to justify my antipathy. It's Ok not to like someone, just not Ok to use value judgments to justify it.

NellG agree with you about being challenged on judgemental views we hold on people. Certainly Katie Price is a character who has been demonized in the tabloids and online. The online trolls have been very cruel over the years about Harvey.

Harvey is 18yo and he has some capacity so he will be making decisions for himself, as he should - he is a human being after all. I find it the thin end of the wedge when people start criticising parents carers. She was quite young when she had him (she is the same age as me but my daughter is older) and I can categorically tell you I struggled as well, I don't know anyone who has a child with a severe and complex learning disability that hasn't struggled. Emotionally, physically and financially. Money helps but the vast majority of parent carers would either be living in poverty or forced into it by the care they have to give.

There does seem to be an expectation in society, certainly in the UK, where we should be seen to get on with it and be some sort of saintly figure and never complain or moan or say something socially unacceptable like we cannot cope. I didn't see anything in that documentary that was alarming on a Mother/Son basis, in fact I thought she directed him really well when he was clearly overwhelmed at times, something that cannot be at all easy. I thought it was telling the other Mum, Mathew's Mum I think, said don't be told by professionals what is best, you are your son's expert and it is true, we are our adult children's experts. We don't need a medal but we certainly don't need judgement off others.

My daughter moved out of our family home when she was 18yo too - even parents of other young people with learning disabilities have passed comment to me but I couldn't cope any longer and a care placement became available that was more than suitable and my daughter wanted to go. Her children's social worker actually said to me after she had moved into her new home - where she has been very happy - he didn't know how I'd coped with her for so long at home, yet some of my own friends found it unpalatable. I'm afraid I am past people judging me but please bear in mind how difficult it is for parents and how the reality is not the same as the imaginary kind of carer you think you would be in a hypothetical situation.

I do think society to looks to those who show their 'best self' rather than thinking a bit deeper about how coping with such a difficult situation is. It is quite easy to criticise from the outside and I think his Mum has received plenty of criticism. As an aside, I didn't receive a single comment when my perfectly average 18yo moved out of the family home! not one!