Another family get together ruined

I don’t think an alcoholic would drink what you drank. I don’t feel you drank too much. An alcoholic would have had a hip flask of spirits on them all day.

This is such an outdated view of alchoholism. You can have one to two glasses of wine per day and be an alhoholic. It all depends on “need”. Please do some research.

Note: this is not me saying OP is an alcoholic.

OP, you’re in a tough spot. It sounds like a hard day. You and your daughter need to have a good conversation about both of your needs, and expectations.

That said, I think it was petty not to get her water.

I'm sorry if my reply wasn't sympathetic. Was your daughter rude in the way she asked?

Maybe next time you’re fixing yourself a drink ask if anyone else wants anything to drink? That would be the polite/ sociable thing to do. Maybe they’ll reciprocate.

personally by my second one I could walk about with baby attached firmly to my boob and get a meal together for the first one! I could also pour myself not just a glass of water but a nice fat G&T too!! 1985 nobody judged us as much!

Summerlove

*I don’t think an alcoholic would drink what you drank. I don’t feel you drank too much. An alcoholic would have had a hip flask of spirits on them all day.*

This is such an outdated view of alchoholism. You can have one to two glasses of wine per day and be an alhoholic. It all depends on “need”. Please do some research.

Note: this is not me saying OP is an alcoholic.

OP, you’re in a tough spot. It sounds like a hard day. You and your daughter need to have a good conversation about both of your needs, and expectations.

That said, I think it was petty not to get her water.

Hi, apologies summerlove. The only alcoholics I know are those who come into my workplace and they all have hipflasks . My workplace is a food bank and cafe which for people in dire need so that’s probably why I’ve only seen the ‘obvious’ cases). It’s interesting that you can be an alcoholic on what seems quite a low amount of drink per day. I also did not know about ‘functioning alcoholics’. I’m glad you told me to look it up.
Back to the OPs post I agree that she is not alcoholic. I also think this is about deeper issues than the actual glass of water and that getting the glass of water was seen as symbolic of ‘not caring’ which I feel is unfair as op had behaved helpfully all day and only just sat down. Not saying my opinion is correct though!

I can’t see how two drinks make you an Alcoholic,But if she is, it’s her that has to decide when to stop, no amount of shaming will force her into it, bit like people with W eight issue.. It sounds as if both sides were tired and techie, I would have just got the water, with a four week old I would want to help in any way I could. Don’t let to this incident spoil your relationship with your grandchildren, you would be libel6 without them. I do think a lot of people almost score points of each other for some reason, best to let the small things go, pp

Are you still here dortie?

Sorry, but how hard is it to get someone a glass of water, breastfeeding or not. I always immediately felt thirsty when breastfeeding. She sounds like she has a lot on her plate at the moment and needs support.

Personally I feel it goes far deeper than the OP not getting a glass of water. As she says she had done everything to ensure they had a good time, booked a place, played with gd, gone to work, come back and flopped. I don't think a breast feeding mum is incapable of getting up and getting a glass of water or getting a glass of water before she starts bf. so I feel there is much more to it than just that! Sometimes when you are in the middle of adult children and elderly parents, the demands become too much.

I don't think it should be a big issue though dortie. If they are all getting at you despite you booking this and working at same time, you must be wondering when anyone is going to consider you? Try not to get into an argument about it all. Maybe you could have got up for a glass of water? But we don't know how you are feeling in general do we? You are maybe worn out with it all.

Your daughter obviously feels she has the right to demand. I think for your own peace of mind you should grin and bear it. It might be easier to keep your feelings to yourself if you aren't boozed up.
My sympathies to you BTW.

You are 64 and you say 'your mum told you off for having a drink'. She must be in her 80's surely so is obviously worried about you to comment.
Interesting that you say you dont get on with your daughter and you dont get on particularly well with your mother.
I wonder why ??

Sorry but your daughter is experienced enough to make sure she's got a glass of water if she needs it before she settles down to breastfeed.

Absolutely this (above)

JdotJ
Interesting that you say you dont get on with your daughter and you dont get on particularly well with your mother.
I wonder why ??

Easy to jump to conclusions which could very easily be wide of the mark

No question I would have got her the water no matter how grumpy she was or how grumpy I was. If she wasn’t breast feeding and just lying on her back watching TV eating salty crisps ......maybe not.

The lack of understanding of the postpartum period in our culture is very well known to me and I can see why some people are confused about the glass of water
I am a postnatal doula. When I look at a woman who gave birth a month ago I see someone whose body and hormones are still going through immense changes.
She’s feeding a baby many times a day and needs lots of extra fluids.
An average placenta is the size of a dinner plate and leaves what is in effect an open wound on the inside of the uterus - while it’s contracting back to its original size the uterus is healing that wound too. If she had an open wound the size of a dinner plate on the outside of her body we’d all be a bit more aware of what’s going on!
Likewise, a caesarean scar is major abdominal surgery. It takes weeks to heal properly.
Meanwhile the mother’s normal sleep patterns are disrupted because a small baby’s needs are completely different.
In many countries around the world where traditions are stronger, new mothers are literally waited on hand and foot for at least a month, often two.
The modern mother’s recovery is by contrast a mad rush to “get back into shape” and “get back to normal” when what she really needs is rest, support and good nutrition.

With alcahol, think units not glasses - if you have a family which has dramas, why risk exacerbating it by 'relaxing' with a glass of 'disinhibiter'. When I was breastfeeding I was ravenous, always desparate for a glass of water and totally exhausted. The baby is 4 weeks old, needs nice calm time for a feed, not it's mum jumping up and down disturbing it. I hate to sound harsh but you do seem to be enmeshed in the family drama as a mode of operating and it may be hard to see your role in that. It's sometimes very hard to see things clearly and some counselling or other talking therapy might help you feel better able to step out of repetitive patterns of behaviour. Good luck X

with one nursing mother, one baby, one 4 year old and an elderly mother to keep your eye on; it might have been better to have waited until you'd had time on your own

WTF!! It's not the OPs responsibility to keep an eye on these people! I assume that the daughter looks after her children perfectly capably at home and it sounds like the OPs mother is also independent.

Agree with Riggie.
I wonder how some families ever manage without mummy running around after them.

Saying that, it does sound as if perhaps the family as a whole are argumentative, and having a drink is never going to help build bridges.

Whatever the undercurrents in your family they aren't worth paying heed to. If your grandchildren are your life then make sure you duck all the nonsense so you can keep seeing them.

I can see where you're coming from. You were tired and one more request was too much. I know how knackered I am after a full day with family. Bite the bullet and ask them what's wrong. Explain you were beyond tired that evening.

Sorry to hear you are feeling so hurt.

Like a lot of caring people, you had taken on an awful lot for one day.

For future get-togethers, I would plan who is going to do what and come to an agreement beforehand so all responsibilities are equally distributed.

I would also pick a non-work day for all, so you stay focussed on family time only. (Definitely no solo meals.)

If things can get frayed around the edges, limit the time spent together, e.g. meet up just for a meal at a restaurant.

Sounds to me your family loves drama.
I don`t think two glasses of alcohol makes you an alcoholic and to be honest if you did get your daughter a glass of water when you were asked to,she would have found something else to start on about as your mother would have done too.
I breastfed my first and managed to do things whilst feeding my son.
If there`s nothing to argue about some people can find an argument out of thin air.

Has Dortie not been back ? Sorry but this does bug me

Having read Mummyjojo's post ( I never breastfed so know little about it) I think the daughter, knowing you had just come in from work could have got up and got her own drink.
I thunk you need to assert yourself a bit, tell them how you see things.

Could another member of the family not have got the water, seeing as you had just sat down?