To think friend was disrespectful

I agree with Floriel. I couldn't go to a restaurant in casual or work clothes I had been wearing all day. That's just lazy.

I think you're being a bit unfair. Not everybody is interested in clothes or dressing up, and so long as they are clean and tidy they feel okay. It may be your friend wasn't expecting everybody else to dress up if you weren't going somewhere upmarket. Maybe she goes everywhere without dressing up?

I agree with others that the couple you helped were probably far too grateful for your assistance to worry about your clothes or feel disrespected. It was kind of you both.

Wow, how judgemental!
Clearly you and your friend have different priorities. Assuming that what she was wearing was not inappropriate and she was clean I really feel it is none of your business.

Oldwoman70

Some of you seem to have misunderstood - the couple had dressed up, they rarely go out and this was special for them. My friend hadn't bothered to so much as change her sweater, she hadn't had a busy day (we had spent most of the afternoon chatting over coffee). I am not normally a "judgmental" person, accepting people for who and what they are but on this occasion I just felt she could have made a little effort.

... then I don't think it matters what we say - you've decided she didn't make the effort you though she should.

If you both spent most of the afternoon chatting - she's hardly likely to have got 'mucky' and sweaty drinking coffee and, assuming she showered in the morning, I'm guessing she looked presentable?

TBH, under the same circumstances, I too might have done the same - unless what I was wearing was a tad scruffy, and you haven't said anything to indicate she looked that way. If you hadn't seen her that day - you wouldn't have known she was wearing the same sweater.

Lyng17

I agree with Floriel. I couldn't go to a restaurant in casual or work clothes I had been wearing all day. That's just lazy.

When I worked in London, a gang of us from the office used to go to a restaurant in our work clothes every Friday. A restaurant full of others in similar garb.

We were too "lazy" to travel back out to the sticks where we lived to shower (again) and change because it would have taken up too much time.

One colleague did bring a change of clothes a couple of times - but said it didn't "feel right" putting them on when she hadn't been able to shower first. And she didn't look any different to anyone else in the restaurant when she did change.

... we all looked smart and presentable. That's the point.

It wouldn't have mattered to me.
If your friend is nice enough for you to have helped during a crisis then what did it matter what she wore ?

I always dress up when we go out. A bit of lippy and one of my smarter tops. Always comfortable though. Yet OH doesn’t really care! I don’t think he’s polished his shoes in years and I’ve had to point out his mud spattered trousers need changing!

Your friend would have been disrespectful if she hadn’t turned up
Personally I always shower and put my better clothes on when I meet anybody but if she is normally a casual person perhaps she felt comfortable and didn’t feel the need as long as she was clean and tidy
I don’t really think it’s yours and definitely not our business to conclude she was disrespectful unless she was acting badly

If your friend was clean and not smelly, then yes you are being unreasonable. She presumably had made the effort to appear clean and unsmelly in the morning and didn't feel it was necessary to repeat the process until the next day.

If she's like me she doesn't own any make-up so naturally wouldn't wear any.

YABU

I do like to have a quick shower before going out. But if I could get away with it, I would wear a clean pair of joggers ??

How sad that you are so disappointed that your friend hadn’t changed her clothes you feel the need to start a thread about it. How was she to know that the hosts were going to dress up? How would you have known she hadn’t changed if you hadn’t seen her earlier? So long as she was clean and tidy, and she turned up, what else matters? Some people don’t like dressing up. I’m one of them.

If she was clean and tidy thats all that matters. What a strange way to think.

Hi Oldwoman70
I think we are all different and therefore behave differently in any given situation.
Perhaps your friend didn't feel the need to dress up, or wasn't in the mood.
Both of you kindly and generously helped out your elderly neighbours and they in turn wanted to show their appreciation for this. I'm sure they weren't bothered whether you or your friend were dressed up or not.
Personally I don't wear make up or go to the hairdresser very often, being clean and comfortable would be my priority.
So although I can understand your point of view, yes ITYABU (a bit)

I can understand you feeling disappointed Oldwoman - the message your friend was sending out by not smartening herself up was that she didn’t think the occasion was anything special, whereas you and the couple who were taking you out obviously did.
I’m an inveterate dresser-upper & wouldn’t miss any chance to put something nice on.
But as long as the friend was smart enough for the host couple not to have felt there was anything amiss, I don’t think it really matters.

This is your 'friend' we're talking about? You don't already know her attitude to dress sense and many other things? I find that a very strange friendship indeed. I tend to go for personalities and not their wrappings and, yes, I think you are being judgemental and a bit unkind. Who cares about the packaging when it's the contents that really matter? Not me.

It would have been nice if she had changed her top and put some lippy on, but I'm sure the couple are just happy that they have repaid her kindness. (and yours, of course)

I don't think it matters what people wear. I wonder if she thought you were overdressed.

In general, I think that older people do tend to dress up more than younger and have outfits just for best.

I think people eat out more now so is not the event it used to be.

I don't understand the problem. I doubt the couple would notice.

I think you are nit picking.Are you sure this lady is your friend? I would not be that judgemental.

The older couple made an effort, you made an effort so that’s all that matters. In your shoes I’d have made an effort too but each to his own. Your standards are respectful for the sense of occasion. That’s all that matters. I hope you had a nice time regardless.

So long as everyone enjoyed a pleasant evening and enjoyed each other's company, I can't see what difference it makes what any of you wore. If there had been a set dress code, I'm sure yourf riend would have dressed accordingly but, as there doesn't seem to have been one, she dressed for comfort over of style. Good on her! Don't sweat the small stuff!

Ok, if that were me i seriously wouldnt care less if she ( your friend ) came out dressed like a Glamour puss or an Alley cat. The core reason for this situation was through yours and your friends wonderful kindness at a time of much need and that was so lovely of you both. I most certainly wouldnt worry about it i mean you dressed up so thats all that matters.

I have friends who really go to town and dress up with clothes and make up. Lovely!
I also have friends who wear what they want and don’t worry at all what they look like. Lovely!

I probably sit , somewhere, in the middle and certainly never think disparagingly about what they are wearing.

Not disrespectful , just happy with their own choices.

how do you know that she hadn't put on her best jumper in honour of you earlier.
you sound snobbish and judgmental.
i wouldn't even notice what someone was wearing, just whether they were there.
don't think it;s a friendship at all.
acquaintance possibly.