Friendships - how good are you?

"I just accept my friends for who they are, I have some who I rarely see who have been there for me when I really needed them. I have helped friends out if I can when I can and also have friends who are miles away. I have a friend who is very unwell and I spend every day with as she lives near me. The only boundaries to me are those created by others"

I agree DS64till, couldn't have put it better myself. I don't have any sisters and my Mum died young, I think that's why my female friends are so important to me. I grieve when I realise I've "lost" one, fortunately it doesn't happen often. Reading some of the above posts, I guess I've been culled due to practical considerations such as too much distance between us and too little time spent together. I will always keep the door open though, life's too short to take offence! I hope I can see the funny side of tactlessness, but then some people probably find me too flippant. At my age I realise I can only be me, though. No point me trying to be anyone else, I wouldn't do it as well.

I have one friend. Wherever she has lived we have always spoken most days for anything from five to forty five minutes. Unfortunately she has brain tumours but has still kept up the chat. She attended hospital to have the larger tumour removed and that is it. No contact. Her sister in law sends a text reply if I ask how she is doing. Twenty years we have been friends and it breaks my heart that I cannot speak to her. The distance is too far for me to visit unfortunately. One friend has been fine for me. I do belong to a motivational group but they have their mates groups there and don't want to be friends outside of group. Dates for me are terrible. Even family birthdays are hard even when I have a birthday book!!

Please ladies, I would like your advice on this.
As some of you may know DH and I recently moved to a small village, to be near DD. I left behind a lovely group of friends I had known since our children were babies.
Moving to such a small village we realised that we would have to be quite circumspect as we got to know our neighbour's. Our closest neighbour's, next door and across the road were very welcoming and are truly very nice people. We have had several invitations from them etc.
We are very busy with the new house and a super productive garden
A few weeks ago a lady knocked on our door. We did not know her but she said she lived around the bend in the road.
Within moments she had told us she had moved in about a year ago, she didn't like the area, found the villagers patronising, and would we like to come out to lunch with her and her DH. We were ia bit discombobulated and said Yes.
Since then as my DH says " She is determined to make you her friend" I do not dislike her and find her funny at times. However she is very overbearing, never listens to anything you say and runs down our neighbour's alarmingly. I would not chose her as a friend. But I do not wish to be unkind.
I think she is unhappy and I would not want to add to that by ignoring her. But having written this I realise that I do not want to be her' friend' What to do please ?

Never ever forget this little rhyme - it is very helpful...

You will have friends :-
1. For a reason;
2. For a season; and
e. For life.

Takes your pick, and don't grieve for a "lost" friendship - it may never have lasted.

I gave a list of birthdays, anniversaries etc written by month and sellotaped to inside of kitchen cupboard door. I buy cards for the month and write them, then just have to remember to send them! (I also put d.o.b of all kids to remember how old they are)

I have several good friends, a couple of whom know each other, but mostly the friendships are "separate". They are, each and every one, for very different reasons, hard work! I think all relationships are and while I'm complaining about their "failings" I try to imagine them complaining about mine. I have only ditched one friendship deliberately because this woman was 100% negative about everything and I just couldn't hack it. Anxiety is not selfish, you're not choosing to be anxious OP, so don't be so hard on yourself. I like what somebody said about asking first and telling second. I hope you're at least a little bit consoled to know that there are so many of us out here who, though we do have friends, find friendship b****y hard work!

It's certainly true that things change over time. I have a couple of very old friends who live miles away now but certain things about them really annoy me now. Would I be friends if we met now ? I think not. One thing is how class conscious and materialistic they seem to be. As if I am some poor friend from the city.
I think a lifetimes experience has widened my view of things.
Perhaps I am less tolerant now I am older. Definitely think that's true. Also people grow away from each other.
So I am on the hunt for new friends.

Wow Serkeen not very helpful are we? Implying that the OP does not care, because if she did she would remember! Very tactless and unhelpful. I'm not surprised the OP responded to your comment.

Lots of local acquaintances, but was brought up that if you make 1 good friend in a lifetime, you've done well. I have a Brazilian "sister" who has been close for over 50 years and equally a French friend since early teens who is like a sister. We can not contact for days/weeks/months, but when we need help or the proverbial shoulder, we're there for one another. And, of course, DH is my BBF ever!

Peaseblossom
If you read the post, hopefully says:
"Because they haven't contacted enough,haven't supported enough, haven't done enough...... I think I am that friend!
She's admitted in her own words that she's not a good friend.

Petra the problem is anxiety. Try reading the whole story and not select a snippet to fuel your nastiness.

BBbevan I relate to your post, when I moved in 2 years ago a neighbour introduced herself to me straight away, which was nice, but she quickly became very persistent to the extent that I started feeling really freaked out. I didn't know what to do tactfully either, so basically ignored her and eventually gave up. Cowardly and I did feel bad, but like you I really didn't know how to handle the situation; I'd like ideas from other people too.

devongirl Thank you. I haven't seen or heard from said person for 3 weeks. Think I will resist the temptation to ring and ask if everything is alright ?