Breathing monitors

Hi I know how you feel but please take my advise from someone who has been there .Don't interfere .Even though you see it as helping .your dil will not see it the same way .I have 11 grandchildren and it's taken me many years and many tears to realise those children are not mine. They have their own parents and all I can do is support them and their decisions. Sometimes this can be very hard as I dearly love the children and want the best for them .But I know now you got to think long term. If you go against your dil now then it will cause a problem and things will continue to get worse because you may not agree with the next big decision they make and go against them again Your dil is the mother. She holds all the cards. She has the power to make it very hard for you to see those children if relations break down .it nearly happened to me .So just go with her wishes and leave it at that .As people on here said already I think the hospital would have advised a breathing monitor if it was necessary .There is going to be many special days ahead for your with your grandchild so don't spoil it.tread carefully .think long term. Keep your eye on the prize.

Thanks everyone. I asked the question because I realised they might take it that I was commenting on their abilities as new parents (which I never would). A friend of mine thought it was absurd not to have one so I thought I'd ask as I've had zero experience of premature babies. Thank you all again from a very proud grandma

You've made the suggestion, so they know what you think. I'd leave it there. Congrats on the new arrival!

No, they said no.

I was given a breathing monitor for my then baby DD by the hospital.
It as a mixed blessing as it went off even whilst she was breathing and I think it made me even more anxious.

My dil and son did without any in put from me purchase an angel mat.

My daughter however just kept the cot right next to her at night.
And during the day the babies were always in the same room.
Breast feeding, keeping the baby and room at the right temperature, baby room monitors, placing baby on their back and even dummies are the current recommendations.

I know it's hard but you just have accept and support the parents choices.

Congratulations on you're new DGC

Let it drop and don't bring what is a delicate subject up again but that you would like to buy your new grandson a gift and let the parents decide on that.

Respect the wishes of the parents.

Seems like it’s only me who thinks it is a good idea! I just know my DD would have been very happy if I’d vought it but I guess that is because I knew she was always planning on getting one.

Best of luck OP xx

We have to get used to lots of things that we might see as unwise: giving little ones whole grapes, letting them stand in their high chairs - I could go on - I have had to grit my teeth many a time and oft!

Be a good MiL- you've been told 'no thanks' to the monitor- please listen.

They will have been advised by the hospital so if they say no, then don't buy one.
He is now 7 weeks old, nearly at term date, and I hope he is doing well.

You have to abide by parents' wishes- no question- and medical advice.

I was given a breathing monitor for my then baby DD by the hospital. It as a mixed blessing as it went off even whilst she was breathing and I think it made me even more anxious.

This happened to me as well - the thing used to bleep all the time even when there was no breathing stop - it made me very anxious and I found it impossible to sleep

experience amongst my daughter's friends is that monitors make you more anxious not less.

They can be adjusted so that if there is no breathing for say, 1 minute, then they will go off. Far better to have a few false alarms than miss a possible cot death.

But that’s not the issue here. If the parents don’t want one then that’s their decision.,

Both my DDs had apnoea monitors due to my DS passing away at 8 months. Whilst the click, click, click was reassuring, the false alarms were a nightmare. I wouldn't use one unless the hospital says it's needed.

The OP may or may not know better than the doctors, I am open minded about the relative knowledge of different people. However, any overriding of the parents' decisions can and will be held against you in the future. Having been on the very long Estranged Children and Grandchildren threads I can tell you this. It's simply not worth it. If they mess up with this baby they can have another, and at least you'll be allowed to see it.

Trouble is, no one, not even medics, can predict which babies are likely to die from SIDS VQ as you and others have very sadly discovered. I’m very sorry to read of the loss of your DS. It is also likely that the noise when these ‘false alarms’ sound (which occur when baby goes a longer than normal time between breaths) can actually jolt the baby into conscious breathing. So the alarms may not always be false, if that makes sense.

Good point OldMeg. A bit like the bedwetting alarms, gets the baby in the habit of waking when his breathing stops. I wonder if babies who have periods of missed breaths in their sleep are the same people who go on to have sleep apneoa as adults?

Using that argument then every child should be hooked up to an apnoea monitor just in case. Parents are already nervous/neurotic enough without adding this to their list of worries. FSIDS is fortunately rare in terms of the number of children born. What's the point of stressing out every parent? The apnoea monitor had nothing to do with keeping my daughters alive. It was to try to keep me sane and let me rest because I could hear the click, click, click.