Child minding.

If you will be out of pocket due to travel expenses, then just ask for travel expenses.

If she insists on paying you, you could put the money on one side for the DGC, perhaps in a savings account for them.

For the past 16 years I have looked after my daughter’s 2 children - still do - my daughter works away and they stay with me / my daughter has never offered to pay me, I am not desperate for money , I manage . Sometimes I feel used but she does buy some fruit and snacks for them and i’m sure if I asked her to get some meat as well, i’m sure she would. But, I don’t. They are my first and second grandchild and I will do anything for them . The other grandchildren (by my boys) are babies and I am now too old to take them on . I do the occasional babysitting , that’s all .

I would take the money but after my expenses I would put the rest aside for treats and outings when the baby is older.

I have never taken money for looking after my own GC, it would never cross my mind. If you take money it becomes a business arrangement.

The important thing is your daughter in law gets enough help. If the only way she will accept it is to feel she is taking control by making a payment then so be it. I believe from your most recent post she will put the money aside until the end of the holiday period. Perhaps then you could chat with her and explain your discomfort. If she still insists (you don’t want to deter her from seeking help in the future) then save the money for the children in the future or use for a joint treat for you, your husband and the young family. You want to help and she needs help, the ‘payment’ is secondary in my view. Hope you don’t get too tired, it will be fun, enjoy it all.

Take the money and put it into an account for your GC..she obviously wants to give you something so accept and put into the account

Accept it, and perhaps put it in a savings account for the children.

Accept and save bar any expenses you may have. Have you thought of the implications of being paid e.g. tax issues. There is always someone only too eager to bring these things to the attention of appropriate bodies. Your DIL will be so grateful having you there and you will be able to bond with gc. Enjoy!

I’m with eazybee on this. If she wants to pay, let her. She’ll feel more in control and if she’s already worried that she might not be able to cope, boosting her self esteem is good. An hour’s petrol is not a small consideration nowadays, but what you do with the money is up to you. We did accept considerable payment for looking after 2 of our GC from birth. It’s not a cheap business caring for and feeding children but we also saved the money so we could take them away on holiday with us or for days out. Once they were at school it was different though the petrol bill went up as the school was 5 miles away from us and 10 from their home. (Parental choice of local school didn’t work.)
Hope you get it sorted so you’re both happy.

I have looked after my DGC for countless hours, and because I was not well off, my DD insisted on paying me.
It made her feel happier, and I had money to spend on little outings, treats, and clothes for the little ones.
I am better off now, so flatly refuse any money. My daughter has accepted that so long as I have the means, having the children’s company is payment enough. As far as I’m concerned, any spare cash I have is for my DGC.
This is something that has to be worked out on an individual basis. If you are badly off, a little extra money will ensure better and more enjoyable times with your grandchildren, if you are reasonably flush, then accept it if it makes DIL happy, and save it up in a separate account for the kiddies.

I’d accept the petrol money and suggest a nice bunch of flowers at the end! If she insists you could deduct the petrol money, save the rest and treat the grandchildren.

Grab it, thomsnannie 2! If she was offering 19 quid P.H. for a nanny then you're a snip at a fiver an hour.

Plus, you won't need to provide a CRB check AND your DIL knows you.

Sorted!

I think generosity includes generosity in taking as well as giving. You can find ways to use the money to help her if you want to but she will feel better for giving it and she would have to pay more otherwise. She wants to pay you. Allow her to or she may feel like a charity case.

tomsnannie2
Am I missing something ? No mention of DIL's parents.!

I would be a millionaire if I accepted money for looking after my grandchildren. I take two of my grandchildren to and from school every day except one, and on that day I pick up the other two . I take them all to swimming and horse riding , and often sleep overnight if my daughter has a late finish at work.

I also do all my daughter's ironing when I'm there to pick up the children. And the washing , and cleaning the bathrooms .

My daughter offered me money at first - years ago - but I declined the offer. The reason I did that, is that in my mind, the minute I accepted money I'd be like an employee, beholden to her and tied to the arrangement . By doing it gratis, I'm still independent and doing the care out of love. We all see these things differently, but I prefer to remain unpaid.

Tiring? A 4 yr old and a baby?
Give me strength.

I csn't understand having children if you are not there to look after them/ bring them up and rely on GPs ( paid or unpaid) to do pick ups, after school activities, sleepovers, take to and from school and feed them.
The comment re ironing, cleaning bathrooms and washing plus looking after the GCs, screams 'skivvy' to me.
You might as well be a mother all over again.

Take the money to make your DiL feel better. As someone suggested above, buy your petrol out of it and save the rest to give them a treat some day. She won't know where the money came from.

If the poor girl has post natal depression she needs help, if it helps her to pay you please allow her to do that. She doesn’t need to know what you are doing with the money but little trips and treats out in the holidays soon add up! Not every woman is Wonder Woman and what one finds a breeze another finds difficult.

GabriellaG That's the point - I am a mother all over again. My favorite job ! I don't feel the slightest like a "skivvy", I feel like a Mum.

Please let her pay you, but negotiate a lesser amount if it makes you feel better, otherwise gracefully accept the money and bank it for the GC.

Your DIL has a lot to cope with, and she probably feels it will be easier later on for you or she to stop the arrangement if she is paying you, rather than you doing her a favour.

First priority here is to keep the good relationship you have to her - otherwise she would not be asking you for help.

I would take the money if it makes DiL happier about you helping out. If she has Post Natal Depression she may be finding it very difficult to cope (my SiL was Hospitalised with it, this was over 30 years ago). What you choose to do with the money is your decision. I hope you can find a suitable arrange & hope DiL finds her feet again

Those of you who have never taken any money for caring for your DGC must be comfortably well off or Saints

Ok "tin hat" time & duck

I'm far too selfish to spend time doing other peoples housework, I'm afraid.

I’d just take petrol money. Parents have their pride too and could easily feel guilty about asking you to do this when it might put you out of pocket.

It’s a sort of adult compromise.

Because we lived close to grandchildren we never asked for money but they did ‘reward’ us by asking us to dinner, etc. on a regular basis. It was their way of saying thank you.

The poster has said "I don't drive so it's a bus pass journey". However, I agree with the others who say to accept payment but set aside for grandchildren - maybe for their future education?