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should I take a gift?

(64 Posts)
Oldwoman70 Sun 21-Apr-19 09:09:08

I have been invited to a friend's new house for lunch. She moved in some time ago but this is my first visit - others who are also invited for lunch have visited several times. I thought I would take along a bunch of flowers as a combined housewarming/thank you for lunch.

However on discussing this with someone last night they said that as the others would not be taking anything my flowers could make them feel uncomfortable. I know I could arrange for flowers to be delivered the next day as a thank you but then I would feel uncomfortable turning up with nothing!

She is a non drinker so a bottle of wine to go with lunch is not an option, besides most of us will be driving. So should I take flowers or not?

Magrithea Mon 22-Apr-19 09:49:46

Something for the new garden? We were invited to a 70th birthday/housewarming and I found a lovely recycled wood planter and planted it up with herbs for the deck they had installed. Was much appreciated.

Not everyone wants chocs (I don't!) but flowers are nice as is a plant

jaylucy Mon 22-Apr-19 09:58:11

Don't worry about what others are doing- or not!
Flowers, or maybe even a plant - either for the garden, or an indoor one if not. Or even a planted container - doesn't have to be expensive , you can usually find them for less than a tenner in many of the supermarkets this time of year.
If not, have a look around for a plain glass vase - you can never have too many of those in diferent sizes in my opinion!

Jules59 Mon 22-Apr-19 10:00:13

Yes take flowers, it’s your first visit to a friends new house ?

Daffydilly Mon 22-Apr-19 10:12:36

I'd take flowers. Better to be more than less, if that makes sense.

It's a bit like being over-smart at a do. I'd rather look like I've made an effort than not.

Hope you have a lovely time.

Craftycat Mon 22-Apr-19 10:18:56

Of course you can take flowers or a plant. I always do when I go out for lunch with a friend. It's just a nice gesture. Whatever anyone else does is up to them but I think it just good manners.

Bazza Mon 22-Apr-19 10:26:45

Personally wouldn’t dream of turning up to a meal prepared by someone else empty handed.

Jaycee5 Mon 22-Apr-19 10:29:26

I usually take a bottle of wine if I'm invited for lunch. You could end up the only one not taking anything.
Maybe you are overthinking it.
People shouldn't feel uncomfortable because someone else has done something they haven't.

ReadyMeals Mon 22-Apr-19 10:43:48

Or a box of chocolates. They could be shared at the time or kept to herself, as the hostess wishes.

crazyH Mon 22-Apr-19 10:47:59

I certainly wouldn't go empty handed.

whywhywhy Mon 22-Apr-19 10:50:42

It's up to you what you do and not others. I would take some flowers or a plant.

Merryweather Mon 22-Apr-19 10:55:04

I would take something. It's not a question of what it's the thought towards the invite and the hard work involved in the preparation and food - whatever the event is.

Legs55 Mon 22-Apr-19 10:56:08

As your friend doesn't drink how about a nice bottle of non-alcoholic fizz, I love Elderflower but there are lots of different ones in the Supermarkets.

I'm personally not a fan of flowers but a nice house/garden plant is most welcome especially if it's an Orchid

vickya Mon 22-Apr-19 11:02:27

I wouldn't go to lunch empty-handed, as others said, and also for a first visit to a new home I'd take something sweet, pastries, chocolates, cake, biscuits in a nice tin. To make the time in the new home sweet.

NannyG123 Mon 22-Apr-19 11:03:22

Take flowers, can't go wrong. What woman doesn't like flowers.

Harris27 Mon 22-Apr-19 11:05:50

Take the flowers! X

Pippa22 Mon 22-Apr-19 11:11:29

Hello Oldwoman70, I always take flowers or a plant when visiting and particularly so when visiting a friend in a new house. I think talking about it to someone has caused you to doubt yourself. How would this person you have been talking to know that others going to lunch with you won’t be taking a gift ?
I always used to take a bottle of wine to a lunch but so many people now seem to be cutting down or have stopped drinking alcohol that I don’t any more. You also say that your friend doesn’t drink so a bottle would be inappropriate.

David1968 Mon 22-Apr-19 11:20:19

Definitely go with flowers. I have to say that I prefer greatly to receive flowers rather than plants. This is purely a personal view but I don't have room for more than a few houseplants (which I already have) and being given garden plants (unless these are specifically known to be wanted) can also be daunting, in terms of: "where the ****! am I going to put this?"

Eloethan Mon 22-Apr-19 11:32:40

I think it's OK for you to take flowers. It's up to the other guests to make their own decisions as to whether they want to take something or not.

Yorkshiregirl Mon 22-Apr-19 11:38:27

Flowers are a lovely idea. Never mind what others are, or aren't doing

Growing0ldDisgracefully Mon 22-Apr-19 11:41:29

You mentioned that your friend doesn't drink alcohol, so I'm agreeing with Legs- Tesco do a really nice elderflower and apple presse. Makes a lovely refreshing alternative to wine and very nice for the warm weather we're having. You mentioned that the other guests have already visited so presumably had their chance to take a housewarming gift then. As this is your first visit, then I see nothing wrong with you taking something as your first visit gift.

Annaram1 Mon 22-Apr-19 11:56:27

I think most people turning up will be taking some sort of little gift, and if they are not, well, they should. Hard cheese if they feel uncomfortable.

Niucla97 Mon 22-Apr-19 11:57:22

Strange how different people are. I have three very close friends in fact my son calls the four of us the Merry Widows.

We sometimes go for a meal at one or another. Three of us always take something, a bunch of flowers, chocolates or one friend will say I'll bring the desert(even though she doesn't need to .) One of the friends never takes anything(which doesn't matter) and then she feels so bad but then says I just don't think!

I never expect anything as I always think that I have the pleasure of their company.

Yes I would take flowers or an Easter Egg as it it is Easter time

EmilyHarburn Mon 22-Apr-19 12:05:46

You could take a box of chocolates that the hostess might wish to to share round after the lunch with the coffee such as after 8 mints. When I give parties some people bring flowers ans some don't. some bring a contribution like a dessert but they generally discuss that with me first. Bring something that you are happy to bring. any hostess likes to receive a little gift.

NoddingGanGan Mon 22-Apr-19 12:19:45

I always take flowers when invited to someone's home for a meal. New house or not. I was brought up to do so. I remember visiting my my aunts together with my mother as a child in the school holidays and mother always took flowers even though they were her own sisters. I don't understand why you wouldn't say thank you in this way to someone who has been kind enough to host you. ?

sarahellenwhitney Mon 22-Apr-19 12:24:12

A bunch of flowers would be a nice gesture. Why be ruled by another ?as feeling uncomfortable is their problem not yours.