Argy Bargy madness, come right in! ??

Carillion I feel you will be a big asset to the Argy and admire your enthusiasm but on the subject of those capers.....are you sure they weren’t droppings!! (personally, I’m not bothered if they are. I will quite happily scoop them them in the stewpot and make another delicious ?offering)
meno trust you to eat the last of the cheese. Have you got any goodies to add to the catering department to replace it? Preferably not something you shared with George (Trev) C.

Doodle you might have rumbled discerned my supply of capers but as you have said yourself, they'll add a tangy uplift to any grub and are in plentiful supply in The Argy cellar.

Don't touch the capers!!!

Come on Meno, it's only a bit of protein..isn't it?!

However, while lemon has been away on her mission sojourn, we've done little to add to The Argy Bargy bar snack menu ... no wonder the recent clientele of old sea dogs seem to be asleep all over the place in the cellare suite.

lemon did say she'd no doubt have to return with a mop and bucket...Yikes! ?

Don’t worry carillion, I’ve got it sorted. I popped into soop’s kitchen this morning and stuffed my pockets with all the goodies I could find. We will have quite a banquet for when lemon gets back although she’ll think we’ve gone all up market with the Opera cake ?.

Doodle, you are brilliant! ... just don't tell anyone there's beetroot in the opera cake!! ???

ps... When you next go to the cash and carry, don't forget the 5 kg of courgettes which you said you'd shove into the vats of strawberry/ vodka daiquiri. See you later, I'm on caper duty.

Oh bit of decent grub is well over-due. Nice one Doodle. I hope Soop's Kitcheners don't notice the cake shortfall. Any change of kidnapping a few to use as our cake slaves/cleaners?

Hellocarillion and welcome.

I just wanted to let you know I am extremely allergic to droppings capers. So whoever is rustling up dishes with the special cellar capers please excuse me if I take Meno's advice and pass. (Good grief...I'd do more than pass....I'd flippin' well expire if I indulged in one of the Argy's famous throw-anything-in stews.)

Mind you, they do wonders for the chest hair. I might have to nick Lemon's razor in her absence. I think I saw the tied-up George Clooney edging his way towards it when I popped in to nuzzle up to him this morning, so I wrapped him all over in cling-film just to make his escape attempts more difficult. I shall pour myself a pint of Cherry B before I leave, and for services rendered to regular clientele I might have a Pernod chaser.

Uh ok 5kg of courgettes..... wanders off mumbling to herself...don’t usually do vegetables now we’ve got beetroot in the cake and courgettes in the vodka ... carry on like this and we’ll become a health club. ??‍♂️

Vegetables???? Health club???? <faints>

I fear the Argy is going down-hill fast!

I do think we need to put our heads together and come up with a plan to ensure our usual slovenly standards are maintained. Lemon will go berserk if we sink any lower.

Vegetables indeed!!! It's horrific! What is the world coming to? Has one ever crossed the threshold before? This is a grave day for the Argy....

Right I’ve got the courgettes. Had a few funny looks in the supermarket, I’d forgotten to take any bags so I stuffed them down my trousers ?. Had a job walking but managed to get them back ok.
Now a slight problem. On my way back from the supermarket I was followed by this ?. I think it was attracted to the courgettes. I’ve popped him in the cellar with George for now. They are getting on well. Tiny (as I’ve named him) is giving George a good licking ....not too sure George is ok with that but hey ho.
Right that’s my good deed for the day too. Budge up Day, pint of Pernod for me too. Cheers ?

Humph!

Our George wouldn't let ME lick him this morning. I tried.

Right! That’s it!
I just can’t go away and leave you for long.....courgettes, beetroot in CAKES? George tied up in clingfilm? Capers harvested from the cellar? The only capers in the cellar are those got up to by Doodle and Big Jim/Thor/Trev.So, it begs the question, wot the ‘ell are you putting in the soup?

....and why is the till empty except for a few old buttons and an Irish sixpence?

Gulp! Quick hide everyone. lemon is on the warpath. Don’t tell her I’m hiding under the bar ?

What happened to the meat products we used to have as bar snacks in the good old days? That was proper health food. The out of date porks scratchings were a delight. I'm with Lemon on this one, leave the veggies to the kitchen and bring back unrecognisable meat products

Well hello you lot, I’ve been away in the good old USA for a while, so what’s new in the cafe then gals? Something going on about healthy eating and vegetables, oh my Lord, things are going downhill fast as soon as me back’s turned. Vegetables, whatever next!

Ok message received and understood. I have binned all the courgette soaked daiquiri (actually it wasn’t too bad. Went down a treat. For some reason I was unable to walk straight for a few days ?)

I’ve rummaged around and found a few bags of out of date sausage rolls, some burgers ? (I think they’re ok but they’re a bit grey and mouldy. Cover them with ketchup and they should be ok) and some pasties ?. Not sure what’s in them but I’ll bung everything in the oven and be dishing up hot food tonight.
carillion how’s the caper stew coming on ?.

Hmmmm, think we had all better give supper a miss here tonight at The Argy, I have had my stomach pumped three times already this year!
Trev and Thor are looking very fetching, they say since they are BFF they should dress the same.White suits with glitter collars, very Elvis, I love it.
Thor says I look hot, but not in a good way, cheeky devil.It is hot in here tonight, I will have a pint of creme de menthe with icecubes and a bit of gherkin, that should do the trick.???And a few magic mushrooms on the side.

Ok......Trev and Thor BFF. Hmmm ?. I have no problem with that but does it mean us ladies need to look for more talent? Perhaps with Trev and Thor on the door we are now going to broaden the Argie’s appeal and we could be in line for increasing our clientele.
By the way. I have ordered a couple of poles (of the hard rod variety) to be installed so we can start some evening entertainment. Whilst I am not so much into gyrating myself, are you up for it lemon?

Oh yes, I love a bit of pole dancing,me! I will run a costume up for both of us Doodle out of some old curtains I’ve been keeping for a rainy day.
I think Thor and Trev are on a bonding excercise in the cellar ( so they said, anyway) but more likely they are just smoking and playing cards and skiving as usual.
Big Jim is behind the bar, but am a bit concerned that he has already put away half a bottle of Jack D, and is swaying visibly.?

I’m off to the docks to find some more men with a lot of energy, the ones here are getting lazy/tired, won’t be long

Oh ok lemon I will give anything a try once. I hope you have big curtains, there is quite a lot of me to cover. As for the pole dancing, if I am to join you, we better make sure it’s firmly imbedded in the floor otherwise it may end up being thrown about like a caber once my bits start gyrating

Save your energy I said I wouldn’t be long and I might have an audience for you

Did someone say installation of poles? Not visited for some time after a close encounter with thor. Traumatised but happy !!