What would you do?

NotAGran55

If I am understanding correctly, isn’t this 4 households mixing if you go ?

I don't think so - the OP has said she is in a bubble with the host family, so as I understand it, she and they count as just one household, not two, so when you add on the other two families it only classes as three households.

Luckygirl, what a dilemma. Can you arrange to see your bubble on Christmas Eve, or before they all get together? Fourteen people, multiplied by who knows how many others they will have seen in the previous few days. All inside one house, so even if well ventilated it's unlikely social distancing will be possible.
I'm not overly bothered by what the government says about 3 families getting together. For large families like yours (and mine) it's simply impossible. We have reluctantly told our children to enjoy Christmas together and we will stay home. We plan to walk down to say hello at some point. We're lucky to live a mile away from the house they'll be meeting in. We had at one point agreed to host one adult child and family but honestly, feel relieved the decision is made.

For various reasons (because of their job) one of the families is able to obtain rapid testing kits at a sensible price and they are now suggesting that we all get tested on Christmas Eve - if we went down that route, I would be happy to fund this, as it is for my benefit basically. However I do not feel entirely comfortable with this as it is a palaver for everyone. A bit of me feels inclined to stay put and pop in on a visit, preferably in the garden and give them their presents - and maybe go for a walk with them.

We are entitled to all be together because I count as one household with my bubble family, so that is 3 households; but I vaguely heard that you are not supposed to have more than 8 over-11s together at Christmas. With me we would be 9.

Iam64 - I can understand that you feel relieved that the decision is made.

One of my DGSs is on home schooling now for 14 days as there was a case in his year group. It all fells a bit precarious.

This Christmas is going to be a difficult one for so many families. I have four AC and 4 grandchildren ( 5 by Xmas day). We usually all get together at some point during the Xmas period. This year has been so hard as I feel I’m choosing between my children as to who we see. Luckily they are all supportive and have worked it out for me. We will spend Christmas Day with one daughter and the others will spend time with friends or family. Sad but necessary when you consider lots of families will never again get to spend a Christmas together due to losing a family member this year. In the end it’s only one day and it’s not worth risking anything with (hopefully) the vaccine being available soon.

Another vote for not going. The numbers involved are awful and a classic example of why the Govts plans for Christmas are utterly irresponsible.

I am proposing to my family that I stay here, but that in some way I get built into the celebrations. Ideas so far are: I pop over to give them their presents from the safety of the doorway - they do have a huge room with French doors; that we all meet up for a walk at some point; that I collect a lunch from them, bring it home and eat it with them via zoom as a "laptop guest"; that I devise a Christmas quiz for us to all do via zoom etc. I am awaiting their comments.

I think if you went that you'd feel on edge all day anyway, Luckygirl so wouldn't really enjoy the day.

Your suggestion of popping over with presents ( all wearing masks) then perhaps one of them could bring you meals on wheels with you joining in on Zoom sounds like the best option.

It's difficult isn't it? We always go to my sister's but our two nephews, who live separately, will be there. They have been out working, mixing with friends, girlfriends etc. We won't be going. I hope you sort something out Luckygirl.

Some good ideas there Luckygirl I would go with the garden visit and walk providing the weather is reasonable.

That sounds like four households, unless I’ve misunderstood, and we are only allowed 3. So there’s another excuse for you not to go.

Regardless of the “rules”, those numbers, and the fact that the others mix a lot should be the deciding factor. I think you have come up with some good ideas, doorstep visit to exchange presents, Zoom lunch etc, and I hope it all works out.
I am going to pop over to my daughter’s, maybe on Christmas Eve, to exchange presents on the doorstep. I expect my son will FaceTime me, but as he has not been in touch for about 5 weeks, I am not holding my breath!

Garden visit and walk sounds good.

I have told them all that I will not be staying this Christmas - it feels like a big challenge for me as this will be the first Christmas since my OH died, and ideally I would have been in the bosom of the family. But what has to be, has to be.

Now I am worrying about them - there will be 13 of them on the day and I do not think they should be doing this - but they are adults and have to make their own decisions.

That sounds like the right decision for you Lucky. What a difficult year to begin to live with bereavement.
Try not to worry about your family. As you know, worry changes nothing. You're right, they are adults and will make their own decisions.
I hope it all works out for all of you.

I've been invited to my daughter's for the day. Their family (other half and three children) have many contacts. There are two workplaces, two schools, a nursery and lots of friends.

Also invited are my son-in-law's parents (another two work places and very sociable/lots of contacts).

It's just too risky, so I've declined. Instead, I'll go for a long walk with my daughter and grandchildren on Christmas Eve. They are not very happy about it - but they know, only too well, that once I've made my mind up, that's it.

DH is not only shielding but he'll be half way through a six week course of radiotherapy, We won't be going anywhere.

DD and her family will visit on Boxing Day and we'll hopefully do the outdoor thingy with patio heaters, fire bowl and big fishing umbrellas. Failing that we'll light our large 12Kw woodburner and invite them indoors with all the windows open. It's open plan so social distancing will be easy.

Go with your instincts, Luckygirl. It's good to run ideas past others but I think you already know what's best for you.

All these absurdly risky Christmas gatherings. I’ve told my family I’d rather be alone at Christmas (a widow) than six foot under next Christmas.
To me it’s like jumping off a life raft into shark infested waters when you can already see the rescue ship chugging towards you .... bonkers!

I would not go. There is a vaccine on the horizon - plan ahead for the time (whenever it is) to get together. You are not responsible for other peoples' choices - its up to them what they do. But you are responsible for yourself and you sound as if your choice is not to go. So plan the happiest day you can - Zoom the family - and don't worry! Its OK to do what you think is safest and most sensible and you can still send love and cards and look forward to a meeting in 2021. Good luck with the move!

We normally spend Christmas with three of our four children and our two grandchildren, but this year will not be seeing one DS, DIL and both GC as they are the ones who are most out and about.
My other DS is fairly solitary in any case and will come here but we will keep our distance. My DD, a single foster parent and in our "bubble", will probably visit but we are very careful when she comes round and she does not bring her teenaged foster daughter who is at school.
This is particularly galling for us as we have recently moved back to London to be near to them.

If you are a gambler you may think the odds are worth it but I am not prepared to play Russian roulette. Mixing with several households is a risk, sadly the virus will not suddenly disappear at Christmas so that we can party.

I think you’ve answered your own question already. What about maybe the ones that live closest to you pop in to see you in the morning before they all mix together or even Christmas Eve.

I wouldn't be going. One of our son's has suggested we see them over Christmas by being flexible with the rules but he will be seeing at least another 4 households, half with school age children, so we have declined the offer. We will do a round of the family after being vaccinated.

Yes a short visit to wish them all a happy Christmas and maybe, even better, a walk in the outdoors. It has been proved that the length of time being in the presence of the virus (if it is there) is very significant.

I wouldn't go. Hopefully, at some time in 2021, life will be much better for all of us and family gatherings will be able to go ahead without worries. Keep holding on!

Oh Luckygirl what a year you’ve had. I understand why your children want to do this for you but gosh it’s too dangerous as you already know.
I think your idea of a socially distanced walk, a quick exchange of presents at the open patio door and a zoom while you eat at home sounds just the ticket under the circumstances.
I know you’ll worry about them all being together but, as you say, they are adults and will make their own decision s, even though we all think they’re taking a big risk.
Hopefully when they know your feelings they will change their plans and be a bit more sensible.
We have told our family that we’ll be staying at home and want them to enjoy a stress free Christmas doing whatever is right for them. Fingers crossed they’re sensible too.