Care to share a bit of humour?

OH my life grannyactivist I remember that joke but it wasn`t a frog.
Still very funny today.
Can`t think of any jokes at the moment.

Trust a crafty granny to come to the aid of her family in a crisis.

Well, I wondered what the Coronavirus had to do with the run on toilet paper, until someone explained: when one person coughs, the rest shit themselves!!

Man walking along a cliff path in Ireland. On the path ahead of him is a leprechaun dancing along; and when he slips and is about to fall to his death, the man grabs him and saves his life.

Out of gratitude the leprechaun tells him he will grant him one wish. The man makes his wish and a small grand piano appears on the cliff path with a leprechaun playing it. The man puts his head in his hands in despair and says: "No, no - I didn't ask for a 12 inch pianist!!"

I love the loo roll.

The World Health Organisation has declared that dogs cannot transmit the Coronavirus and there is no need to quarantine dogs anymore.

W.H.O. let the dogs out ...

?? ?

Nortsat I was saving that one for later!

That is so funny, Gwen!

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants, a peg leg and a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, “Hey, you’ve got a steering wheel on your pants.”

The pirate says, “Arrrr, I know. It’s driving me nuts.”

So football has been suspended.
So for a change I started to talk to my wife and found out she got made redundant from Woolworths.

What do you call a dog that can do magic tricks?
A labracadabrador.

How do you get two whales in a car?
Start off in England and drive west.

MiniMoon, Go wer?

What's the best thing about Switzerland?
I don't know but it's flag is a big plus

Hear about the new restaurant called Karma
There's no menu - you get what you deserve

What do you call a blind stag?
No idea
What do you call a blind stag with no legs?
Still no idea.
What do you call a man with no shins?
Tony
That last one was told by a hospital consultant - it certainly lightened the mood!

A Gran tells her friend:
"My daughter has just had triplets. Evidently it's only a one in a million chance".
Friend thinks a bit then says
"Whenever did they get time for the housework?"

My friends husband had a nasty fall, landed on the Hoover. He's in hospital waiting for it to be removed.

When I asked my friend how he is, she told me he's picking up.

A handyman was wanted on a building site,so a lad goes for the job.boss says can you mix cement,do carpentry, do tiling,are you a bricky.he says no he cant do nothing like that.so the boss says what makes you think your a handyman?the lad says I only live nextdoor.

Thanks grannyactivist brilliant thread

Man walks into the doctor's; "I have a lettuce leaf sticking out of my anus."

The doctor has a look; "I'm afraid it's only the tip of the iceburg".

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.'

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard 'Jesus is watching you.'

Startled, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.

'Yes', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he's watching you.'

The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'

'Moses,' said the parrot.

'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'

'The kind of people who would name a Rottweiler Jesus" the parrot replied.

Eloethan - that made me laugh

A linguistics professor says during a lecture that, "In English, a double negative forms a positive. But in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language in the world can a double positive form a negative." But then a voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

Two pieces of string get thrown out of a bar and banned for being rowdy.
Next time they want a night out they debate this:
'If we go there, the staff will recognise us.'
'Not if we disguise ourselves.'
So, giggling, they tie themselves into knots and frazzle their hair and walk into the bar.
The barman eyes the first piece of string suspiciously.
'Aren't you one of those noisy strings I threw out last week?'
The string looks him in the eye, 'No, I'm a frayed knot.'

Two cows in a field, and one says Moooo!

The other one says "I was just going to say that".

Why are pirates tough?
Because they Aarrgh