Feeder Partner/Husband

In my house i have two eggs for breakfast at 10.00 and leave a vegetable soup in the slow cook pot for husband's lunch. I don't have lunch

I wouldn’t want to get out of bed in a morning! ?
2 eggs till supper time? Is that it? Do you eat toast with them?
Less than 20 calories.
I’d be light headed.

Gah!

* 200

The way we both lost weight, at a sensible rate of a couple of pounds a month, was to cut down on unhealthy food and alcohol but not deny ourselves completely - that is in itself a form of self-sabotage. A takeaway once a month is not going to hurt much but a couple a week will soon cause weight gain. Allow yourself a few treats but not too many - as for your unsupportive husband, I'd tell him to go forth and multiply personally

Thank you for all the helpful comments ... I realise that we are totally incompatible in the Food department ! .. He likes full and bursting cupboards , freezer loaded with tubs of ice cream, so many microwave meals , he doesn't actually know what is in the cupboards because he can see into them and often buys more stuff !... This makes me feel very stressed , I like simple food cooked at home and the occasional treat, .. the sight of the fridge bursting with rubbish makes me feel out of control and unable to avoid all the cakes ... I can't resolve this .. he just doesn't hear me ... and I think this is part of his Dementia behaviour ...

I feel its as bad as feeding alcohol to someone who wants to go Tee Total... He has taken no notice of me asking him to stop this behaviour ... I really resent this ....

Old post - from November 2021 - so why revive it now???

So sorry , Im not very savvy with on line stuff and bit stressed at the moment .. so cut me some slack ... and I wont post anymore...

@Grammy666,
Please don't apologise - I hadn't seen the thread before - and never even looked at the date. This is very relevant to me as it happens. I have a husband in recovery like some others, and he will bring back two packs of six Tunnocks caramel wafer biscuits and say, I bought these for you - then demolishes a whole pack of six. It's very hard. He is often being advised to lose weight but he just can't seem to switch off the addict part of his brain. I apply the mantra, I didn't cause it, I can't control it and I can't cure it - learnt that in Alanon.
It's hard as I need to get weight off to help my own health improve, so it's not funny. Don't give it up, it'll be worth it in the end.

The problem Scotsmum is you cannot switch off the knowledge that your DH has eating habits that are doing him harm and that, waking each morning, the first thing you do is check to see if he has had died in the night from a heart attack/stroke.

Dosent matter how long ago the thread was first posted grammy so don’t worry about it, carry on.

I was once knew a lady who loved her sweet treats. When she saw me eating salads and healthy food she told me that she simply went up a dress size when her clothes didn't fit anymore and wouldn't eat what I ate. Hey! Ho!

Doesn't matter when threads are posted Hetty, sometimes it's just browsing around the site that you come across something that interests you ,or you may not have seen before and you would like to comment .There really wasn't any need for you to comment !
Grammy 666, please don't apologise , and keep posting .

Please don't feed the poor birds, things they shouldn't have. Give everything in packets or secure wrapping to the food bank, everything else his give to a neighbour or bin and stick to it. Be as stubborn as him. You have to have more self control as you can't let him ruin your health. I would be so annoyed with him, he would definitely get the message.

Grammy 666, don't worry, I hadn't seen this pistol before and it's still relevant to lots.

Hetty58

Old post - from November 2021 - so why revive it now???

Whilst OP has does absolutely nothing wrong, it is rather odd to start a thread (in this case November 21), then not comment again until eight months later (July 22) and then return again a further four months later.

M0nica

The problem Scotsmum is you cannot switch off the knowledge that your DH has eating habits that are doing him harm and that, waking each morning, the first thing you do is check to see if he has had died in the night from a heart attack/stroke.

I totally agree with you about the hyper-vigilance aspect and it applies to all addictions. I absolutely understand that - I've been there myself. Which is why I had to learn that we ourselves risk sliding into codependency by the obsessive monitoring of someone else's behaviour.

I had to learn that arguing, pleading, threatening etc is wasted breath. It is not our job to nag someone into recovery - it never works. People only change when they want to, if they want to. And yes it's heartbreaking to see a loved one choosing to go down a self-destructive path. All we can do is support when they ask us to.

I had to learn that addiction is an illness which doesn't just affect the sufferer but all the family too. When denial is strong then I had step away from the addiction (easier said than done when you live with it) and put clear boundaries in place. State what is acceptable and what is not - and mean it.

It boils down to self-respect: are I going to allow myself to be taken hostage by someone else's addiction until I am used up and destroyed by it? Or am I going to say, you are free to do as you wish in this - but I also have equal rights.

Difficult. And everyone has their own path. I'm only sharing a little of what I learned over many years.

I am not sure I am obsessive about checking each morning, more a question of needing to know if ringing a doctor is necessary.

To be fair to my DH, he is not a stuffer or non-stop eater, He doesn't eat in the car, nor does he eat at his desk or snack on sweet things, except for mince pies in season. He get a good mixed diet at home. His problem is more portion control. Too much butter on bread, bowls of cereal, overfilled and high calorie brands. Probably only one snack between meals - and that is cheese - or fruit but the portions are large. It is like alcohol. He can go months without drinking, and rarely drinks when out, but he usually drinks half a bottle most evenings. I see all the bottles, so I know he has decided that 2 glasses of wine is enough and that is all he drinks. The alcohol consumption is not that high, but the calorie value is.. It is not a lack of control or addiction. When he is in the mood to cut back, he will and can. He looses a stone, then gets bored and starts eating moreI it is just a lack of willingness to address the issue

I know there is nothing I can do, DH knows how I feel about his weight and it is entirely up to him what he does. But when the emergency arrives I will be the one that has to deal with it, as i did when he had a heart attack and bypass surgery.

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