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Denied toilet break

(169 Posts)
lexisgran Fri 28-Apr-17 10:28:58

My Daughter was telling me the other night that my granddaughter, 6 after lunchtime at school asked to go to the toilet and the teacher said you should have gone at lunch. she asked again later on and said she was desperate but was still refused.
She was absolutely bursting when she came to meet my daughter having waited nearly 2 hours

she is unsure whether to have a word? or is it common?

Elrel Fri 28-Apr-17 23:33:08

Grannypiper - that is appalling, poor child. Half an hour's wait is not 'nearly breaktime', 5 minutes might be for a child with no medical issues.
After having a child in a primary school class with kidneys damaged by medication I've always been on the lenient side about visits to the loo. In that school (old Victorian (?) London 3 decker in the 1960s) she had to go down a flight of stairs and across the playground.
The best arrangement ever was in a newly built 1970s west London school. My room had loos ensuite so children could go as they wanted to. One day a worried little girl told me M was washing dolly's hair in the toilet. She was too!!

vampirequeen Sat 29-Apr-17 08:37:56

If this is school policy then it needs challenging. It's an appalling rule. I'm an adult but when I need to go I seriously need to go and I don't have the weaker bladder control of a small child. Also if you do it too often the bladder stops emptying itself properly and that can lead to UTIs.

mcem Sat 29-Apr-17 08:58:35

I agree with vampire but got the impression that this is a supply teacher who may be out of step with school policy. Either way the headteacher has to be approached.

Chewbacca Sat 29-Apr-17 09:11:32

Isn't denying a child access to the lavatory a breach of their human rights? If I was the parent of a child who had been denied access to the loo, I'm afraid there would be some rather harsh words being said to the teacher. It certainly wouldn't happen twice, that's for sure.

lexisgran Sat 29-Apr-17 09:17:08

Chewbacca

According to the site ERIC there are no laws to say schools cannot stop pupils from going during lessons, or even lock the toilets.

I don't know what the policy is at my DGD school, but it does seem to be happening to quite a few of the children have been refused. DD will be asking on monday

grannypiper Sat 29-Apr-17 09:49:45

Elrel that poor dolly, i hope the chain had been pulled before she went in !grin

quizqueen Sat 29-Apr-17 09:51:01

This discussion was on mumsnet too. Really, a teacher can't have kids going in and out of class all day when they feel like it and children need to learn to go at break times. Usually a teacher will know if a child just wants to mess about or if it's a bit of an emergency with a child who doesn't usually ask to go to the toilet. Reception children usually have their toilets within their classroom environment so they can go unsupervised when they need to. After that age, they should be able to hold it unless there's a real medical problem.

Families need to support school policies, not oppose them, and stop banging on about human rights for goodness sake. No one has a right to do anything.

Kim19 Sat 29-Apr-17 09:54:14

If this was an isolated an unusual incident, I would ignore it this once but any repeats and I'm at the school like a shot. We all know some children are chancers but I would expect the teacher to have her characters sussed. A bit unfortunate but I'm glad the wee one managed to hold out in this instance.

vampirequeen Sat 29-Apr-17 10:15:36

As a teacher you know your class. You know who needs to go more often and who fancies a few minutes of freedom. But that said it doesn't mean that the freedom fancier might genuinely need to go.

Upper KS 2 probably could (on most occasions) wait for a while. Also they're old enough to remember to go to the toilet at breaks and lunchtime. That said some girls start their periods in upper KS2 so shouldn't be stopped from going if they ask and it's possible for either gender to have a sudden urge. Lower KS2 children should be encouraged to wait but allowed to go if they need to. KS1 children are still babies and can't wait for more than a few minutes. It's wrong to stop them going.

I have no problem with school rules that tell the children that they should go to the toilet at appropriate times but this particular rule can't be set in stone simply because the human body doesn't always fit in with appropriate times. And what if they child needs more than a pee. Wetting themselves is bad enough but what if the other happens. How humiliating!

Chewbacca Sat 29-Apr-17 10:15:41

quizqueen "and stop banging on about human rights for goodness sake. No one has a right to do anything " . I'm not aware of anyone "banging on" about human rights? I mentioned it once and a trawl through the thread reveals that it hasn't been mentioned before or since. confused I stand by what I said, if I had a child who had genuinely needed to use the lavatory during a lesson, and had been denied, I would demand an explanation from the teacher and/or head teacher. Now I'm "banging on".

Jalima1108 Sat 29-Apr-17 10:29:25

I must admit that said DD in my post above would say she 'didn't need the toilet' when told to go before sitting down to a meal, then would 'need' to go during the meal. hmm

Caro1954 Sat 29-Apr-17 11:22:59

Dont risk it happening a second time. Have a quiet, friendly word. My DD had several urinary infections when she was 5/6 and her teacher thought it was a "caper" before we told her. All was well after that. I'm not a teacher but I've found the mostly to be sympathetic.

minxie Sat 29-Apr-17 11:30:25

When my son was at school he had an accident as he wasn't allowed to go to the loo and it wasn't just a wee. I soon made sure he was allowed to go to the loo whenever he needed. Besides from a health point of view it's highly embarrassing for them

Anya Sat 29-Apr-17 11:50:25

Quizqueen most teachers are quite relaxed about children leaving the classroom when necessary, especially in these days of TAs.

sluttygran Sat 29-Apr-17 11:59:07

I am appalled that young children are asked to maintain control in a way that would not be expected of any adult in a working or social environment. Of course they should be able to go when they need to, it's positively mediaeval to suggest otherwise.
If a child starts to be a problem, constantly bobbing in and out, that's a separate issue to deal with.
As for human rights - children have them too, quizqueen. Even if you would prefer that they didn't!

Musicelf Sat 29-Apr-17 12:48:12

Having a watery accident in the classroom is traumatic for most children, and one they don't forget. I taught various ages from 6 - 15 in my career, and always let them go, even the older ones (if it seemed they were taking advantage, a word with parents about seeing a doctor for possible bladder issues would be sufficient embarrassment for the culprit to stop!) Yes, it can be a nuisance if the class is being constantly interrupted by to-ing and fro-ing, but I believed I was there not just to teach, but to act in loco parentis and look after their emotional welfare too.

Yorkshiregel Sat 29-Apr-17 13:00:23

Older children have to hang on too, but it is different when it is a little child. I would be fuming too. It would be enough to put children going off going to the toilet and that could lead to health issues.

adaunas Sat 29-Apr-17 13:19:59

I ask children if they need to go as we line up after play or lunch. Children should be allowed to go when they need, though I have been guilty of saying to 7-8 year olds "Can you just wait till I've done the explanation?" Certainly I've never made anyone wait longer than that. What parents don't see is the chain reaction-one child goes and there is a sudden flood of requests. I usually say put your initials on the board and go as soon as x or y comes back (there are only 2 toilets) then rub your initials off. This works in two different ways: 1. the children go and come back promptly
2. The children (having added their initials) don't go at all.
Some younger Reception and Y1 children, who were allowed to go without asking, got so engrossed in work or play activitiesthat they forgot to go and were consequently wet. I was still harangued by parents. I love the "quiet word".

Evenstar Sat 29-Apr-17 13:28:10

So very glad we Home Educate. Xxx

angie95 Sat 29-Apr-17 14:16:16

I remember my daughter saying the same thing years ago, It's ridiculous to expect children not to need the toilet, hell we know when you have to go, you have to go! It makes me so angry when teachers etc thinks it's ok, to ignore a child needing to use a toilet!

trisher Sat 29-Apr-17 14:39:55

Firstly I would be careful about taking your DGD's word as absolute gospel. It may be that she asked and was told it would be better if she could wait. It is amazing how many children translate this as an absolute 'no' when actually it was a request to hang on if she could. I also wonder why she didn't go at the end of the day before she came out if she was so desperate?
It is also possible that on both occasions when she asked a child was already out at the toilet and perhaps a 1 child only system operates.
The number of posts on here condemning teachers and castigating them shows what little support they now receive from the community. I'd like to take these people give them a class of 30 reception children suitably dosed up on tons of juice and sugar, give them a numeracy and literacy lesson to teach and a PE class to run and ask them to produce a written account of each child's activities. Then we'd see how they'd cope with demands for the loo. My bet is there would be lots of wet pants, some children would spend hours in the toilets and very little teaching would get done.

mcem Sat 29-Apr-17 15:04:48

trisher - been there and done that!
Don't remember any accidents at all but it did mean a bit of give and take!
There is a middle course between constant toing and froing and a complete embargo!!

lexisgran Sat 29-Apr-17 15:11:30

trisher
The toilets are outside the front of the class, where as the parents wait for children out the back, which is where they get let out, she asked twice throughout the afternoon and then the teacher opens the back door to release them after the bell.

Jalima1108 Sat 29-Apr-17 15:17:31

trisher I am inclined to agree.
As I said earlier, the DD who had the accident at school is the one who always wanted to hop up from the table in the middle of a meal, the others didn't. (she's a teacher now grin)
And at a school play I attended two of the children (siblings) performing kept trying to get the teacher's attention because they wanted to leave the stage and go to the toilet. I noticed 'Miss' studiously ignoring them and thought well done because that would have disrupted the whole performance as they climbed over the other children to get to the loo. Their mother was very cross afterwards but other parents seemed less than sympathetic.
Interesting, too, that one of these children is apparently often 'excused' and can be found doing things other than going to the toilet in class time.
There is a middle course between constant toing and froing and a complete embargo!!
I agree

Jalima1108 Sat 29-Apr-17 15:18:35

Don't they get an afternoon break lexisgran?