Excluded from school

Teetime
What a thoroughly nice caring person you are. I wish there were more like you who notice these things.
Whilst I would tread with caution, you might try to make friends with the parents. Only YOU can get a feel for the situation and perhaps, as others have said, his parents keep to themselves because of their sin's behaviour. 12/13 is a critical time in anyone's life both educationally and socially. The boy may have an unhappy home life which may cause him to be disruptive in school and, if he was getting help from any agencies, I wouldn't expect him to be 'hanging around' outside or simply shut indoors.
If he is not to go down the route of drugs and crime, recruited by older boys who see him as 'vulnerable' or 'an outsider', then action needs to be taken asap. Once in the claws of crime where he might be made to feel important, thus malleable, it will be tbe devil's own job to get him on the right path.
There is not much parents can physically do to stop a headstrong older teen from going out and mixing with those who seek to use him.
I'd talk anonymously to Childline and possibly to Social Services.
If there are plans in the pipeline then you have at least raised concerns in the most caring way.
Plenty to think about.
I applaud your concern where many would pass by.

*son's

Teetime

Just read your post about him hammering on his bedroom window and shouting 'don't leave me' to his mum.
That's heartbreaking.
Maybe both parents work and have no real interest in him. Unwanted in school and unwanted at home. The parents of his classmates have possibly warned their children to keep away from this boy, thus isolating him further.
I do think you could seek advice from Childline who will do their own discreet investigation.

Yes i would say its none of your buisness as such.but the bit about his mum going off to work while hes hammering on window imploring her not to leave him is a bit concerning to say the least! My son has 'some issues' (though never been excluded)but i couldnt as a parent go off and leave him like that if he had! What is this mum thinking??i appreciate she had to work(probably)but what must this poor child be thinking also-' that even his own mum has washed her hands of him?' Or hes so bad/unlovable his own mum doesnt want to be around him?tricky this one- but you dont say if your on speaking terms with the parents at all?maybe 'good day' or chatting over the weather already?in which case maybe slip into conversation you could let him help you in the garden sometime if mum has to go to work or some such ?to see how the land lies for offers of help?if not& its rebuffed then theres not a lot you can do- except keep an eye on situation&play it by ear.(do you know what school he attends usually?maybe if situation gets worse and they leave him alone regularly you could ring school anonymously to tell them hes left alone all day while hes excluded)but leave it to school to take it from there.?if this child has mental/emotional/medical issues maybe hes not suposed to be left unsupervised?

I've seen similar scenarios many times. If you suspect abuse/neglect contact Social Services immediately, anonymously if you wish. Otherwise keep well out of this, for the sake of your own sanity and safety.

What a lovely neighbour you are I wish I'd had a neighbour like you years ago my son is adhd and his teenage years were a nightmare .I felt very alone and would have really benefited from just a kind word just a hello to my son also I did have an elderly lady I visited and wether it was the age gap I don't know but he responded really well to her doing little jobs sometimes these children feel everyone is against them therefore a smile or a wave would be nice

Yes definately needs an anonimous call to someone.im sure its difficult for his parents as well,but how his mum just ignored him and went off anyway rings alarm bells for anyone whos concerned about a child.id definately let the school know if i could.but i know it sounds cowardly but please dont give your name or address as this might make things difficult for you with his parents.just say "a concerned neighbour" and leave it at that.my elder son had a boy used to call to play out with him when they were about 7-8, this boys parent/s used to throw him out of house at 7am (though he went to school &back alone)& he wasnt allowed back in till it was getting dark(later if winter)he had never a coat on so i gave him my sons old one- he was always hungry so id give him tea with my kids often.sadly we moved away soon after but i often wonder what happened to that poor boy& wish id done more to help him

What were it that simple to 'get an appt' with CAMHS- my youngest son has waited over 18 mths for one in an area i was told had a 9mth waiting list! But as hes not violent all the time(though he has a few angry outbursts)hes not considered a priority! Back years ago yes it was easier to get an appt but no more!

Please please don't make a call. This mum has enough on her hands. This child is not 7 or 8 but older. If you must do something perhaps drop a note through her door saying you have seen him and passing on numbers that might be helpful. You don't have to sign it, but it will mean she has a chance to do something. She probably has a mortgage to pay and has to work. He may simply be winding her up (teenagers do you know). Give them a chance to sort things out at least. There will already be huge numbers of people giving advice she probably doesn't need more.

We're not saying 'ring up and accuse her of allsorts' but it pays to at least mention hes left alone all day when hes excluded- if he HAS got any mental health/care issues then he shouldnt be left unsupervised even at 12/13! - if nothing else it might make school pull their socks up and take responsibility instead of just excluding him- they might even find him a more suitable school where they can actually help him not condemn him- or at least put in place some other help- get the ball rolling so to speak.

Having worked with disruptive teenagers, my advice is please be very careful. A 2 week exclusion used to be the longest exclusion, so the school had reached the end of the tether with him, and in my experience makes him sound like a very disturbed youngster. Acknowledging the parents is a must, so you are deemed a family friend. You do not want to accused of grooming (trust me it happens).
Do not be in situation when you are on your own with him. You could be accused of all sorts of abuse. No teacher would have been with him one to one behind a closed door.
You sound like a lovely person, but do not be naive. An accusation (by child or parent) can ruin your life.

Yes good advice hm999- these days you cant be too carefeul- sad i know,but thats how the world is unfortunately- and no this child is not 7 or 8 trisher but IF he does have any learning difficulties/disabilities then he may need supervision same as a younger child?If hes imploring mum from window 'not to leave him' then maybe hes not emotionally ready to be left alone either.

And im sure anyone can tell the difference between a teenager winding up a parent and a troubled child(teenager) who does maybe have other 'issues/ problems' ?

Nannan2 if only they could, sadly the two are sometimes intertwined. The school is not responsible for him when he is excluded he is the responsibility of the local authority. As for a place where he might get help, it's unlikely. Cuts to budgets have left huge numbers of children with no place to go and schools with little choice about the exclusion route. Last year 35 children a day were excluded and the number is climbing www.theguardian.com/education/2017/jul/20/number-children-expelled-english-schools

How sad for the boy and also his family. They probably keep to themselves because they are at their wits end and don,t know what to do for the best. The boy may have an undiagnosed condition which is causing all these problems, and also around the start of his teenage year's,the hormones kicking in. Maybe you could find a way to befriend the family, I should think they need some friendship from someone who is,nt going to judge them, but just be there for them.

Do you know if he's always had behavioural difficulties or is this a recent development?

Teetime sadly this sounds very like my young teenage DGS ( with high functioning autism.)
Not sure there is anything that you can do, except continue being pleasant to him when you see him.
Either his parents know he has a problem and are dealing with it the best way they can, or he has never been diagnosed as having a problem.
If you were friendly with his Mother you could offer
sympathy over a cup of tea, but the best thing the neighbours can do really is to not judge him ( or the parents.)
You are a kind person to consider this in the first place.

I've decided just to keep an eye out and say hello to him if I see him. I have spoken to his mother and offered help if needed. It seems social services are very involved in his case. He isn't left alone all day just a few hours at a time but I would gladly do things with him like help with homework. I shall wait for an opportunity. He is roughly the same age as my GS so I suppose I am feeling some kind of association there. Thank you for all your suggestions and thoughts if you are inclined a word or two in your prayers would be good.

The mother may have no choice but to work she has possibly exhausted holiday leave and “sick days” already and is on final warnings! Going to work may be the main family income and no one would be helped if on top of other issues she also lost the family income! It’s not kind to assume that her going off to work was done in a carefree way?
Legally there is no age set in law for a child to be safely left alone and to be fair we don’t know the child’s exact age as OP was just guessing
Also the school exclusion process will mean that social services will already be aware the education social work department will know about him
If you do speak to the parents at any point direct them to this excellent source of free legal advice for education issues it’s a legal charity called CORAM
This is what they do
Coram Children’s Legal Centre, part of the Coram group of charities, promotes and protects the rights of children in the UK and internationally in line with the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child.

Experts in all areas of children’s rights, immigration, child protection, education and juvenile justice, we:

Provide legal advice and representation,
Research and produce evidence informing law, policy, practice and system reform.
Build the capacity of professionals and practitioners through training and advice provision.
Challenge laws and policies that negatively impact on children and their rights.
CCLC provides free legal information, advice and representation to children, young people, their families, carers and professionals, as well as international consultancy on child law and children’s rights.

Our values

Respect. All children deserve respect as legally autonomous beings with equal human rights.
Equality. All children are equal regardless of gender, race, nationality, disability, culture or religion.
Access to justice. All children have a right to legal information, advice, representation and support.
Our aims and objectives

To promote and uphold children’s human rights within the context of UN Convention on the Rights of the Child and the European Convention on Human Rights in the UK and internationally.
To monitor and develop law, policy and practice concerning children and young people, to inform and influence policy makers and the general public.
To improve access to justice through legal advice, information and representation for children, young people and adults working on their behalf.
To publish a range of legal guides and information on child law, policy and practice.
To research the field of child law to assist policy reform and the application of law relating to children.
To provide technical expertise and training programmes to states, inter-governmental organisations, non-governmental organisations and United Nations agencies.
Launched in 1981 as The Children’s Legal Centre, the charity amalgamated with Coram on the 1 September 2011. CCLC is a member of the Coram group of charities, benefiting from shared expertise and infrastructure, and working towards a common goal of improved chances for all vulnerable children.

I feel sorry for the teachers and the others in his class who have to put up with his disruptive behaviour. As usual, I suppose, our society will throw money at him and his family trying to sort them out over the years when, in my opinion, attention and financial rewards should be directed to those in our society who choose to do the right thing.

jenpax I had forgotten about Coram. Named after Coram fields in London, site of the Foundling Hospital and still a play area where adults are only welcome if they are accompanied by a child. Great place, great organisation.

DH and his parents used to live a couple of streets from Coram Fields. We used to go and speak to the sheep there.

Quizqueen I think the problem is that society won't throw money at him now, when help will pay dividends in the future, but he will cost money (be it in prison, in lost taxes because he can't get a job etc) in the future. This is my fear for all excluded kids.
At this age he might get a place at a special school or a pupil referral unit (PRU), I suspect that might be a postcode lottery, depending on how the cuts have affected which bit of the system in your area. It could also depend on how much energy the school can find to get him into the right place for him - it's a case of them relentlessly nagging.

QuizQueen if this child does have a learning difficulty( which as we know if left without support will often lead to out bursts and frustration) then surely a little investment in helping him to deal with his emotions, express himself appropriately and extra learning support would be money well spent! A boy of his age calling after his mum not to go to work is clearly struggling! and the parents have obviously struggled too. I for one am more than happy to have my share of the taxes I pay through my job to go to things like this. My belief is that is what my taxes should be used for ie to give a leg up to those who start at a disadvantage and I count young people with learning or emotional needs as among these.

Hm999 That’s just why CORAM may be useful if the parents have been battling to get help for their son then the CORAM charity lawyers will take the case on and help them, they are working for the child not the parent and their focus will be exclusively in making sure the child’s rights in law are made available to him whether that’s due to a failure on behalf of the school, LEA or social services in their statutory duties. You are right about nagging but we don’t know if the parents have the knowledge of the child’s rights in the first place or the confidence and ability to pursue this without help.
So often in my job I see people who not only don’t know what help is available, but also,and more crucially, haven’t the ability to chase them up when things go wrong, because they don’t know how to or where to begin. Lack of support for parents battling with statutory agencies who either make mistakes or illegally try to gatekeep services because of cuts etc is a top reason such children slip further through the net with the poorer later life out comes we know to be so damaging. Parents become discouraged and overwhelmed and feel isolated in situations where there is no one to help them advocate for their child