That Interview

I’ve seen estrangement now, second hand, through friends and family. I’m not emotionally involved, only in the way that some behaviour makes me cross.

It seems to me that it follows a pattern.

The instigator always has a sad story of being unloved, unaccepted in some way.
They are so happy with their new family. It’s all they’ve ever wanted.
Somebody in the new family is unkind to them, casts slurs upon them, behaves unreasonably.
They can’t bear it. Their partner must see how upset they are.
The quarrel is not of their making. They have no choice but cut such damage from their lives.
Everybody must agree how badly they’ve been treated.
If this is questioned other, more terrible stories emerge.

Obviously in some peoples experience some of the things listed there are true and do happen.

But it’s the pattern that gives it away.

OMG Peasblossom have we met in real life? You've just summed up our ES's wife perfectly!!

Ummmmm Peaseblossom are you psychic? That's exactly how it happens, on the nose!

No, we haven’t met but when all the H and M began I badly wanted to ask you if you recognised the pattern. I didn’t because I thought it was intrusive of me. ?

Just observant, Nell. And far back from what I’ve seen to not to have to question myself with all the self doubt that brings.

Maybe it's just me but it does all seem to have gone rather quiet doesn't it.

I was preparing myself for this being all over the news and not being able to get away from it for at least a week but no, as we all know of course, there are far more important things going on.

It's as if the Queen's statement was like a bucket of water and has all but extinguished the fire H&M went to such great lengths to start.

Soon even the smoke will clear.

I think her family is awful. Her sister is a horrible nightmare and I remember all the nasty things she put on twitter. I think that there has been bad behaviour by the royal family too. I think that Meghan and Harry sounded like they were really up themselves in the interview.
I think I've decided they are all to blame in deferent ways and trying to pick a side would give me a massive headache.
I wish some people in my family wouldn't have picked sides either and picking sides causes more problems really. I should be able to have a relationship with everyone who I didn't have problems with and just left my mum out of conversations but my mum did the opposite and lies about me to people that I said things or did things. That's why I can't trust anyone here when I can't know who said what.
I do think that the press should have been called up by the royal family don't you?

Bless you Peasblossom I wouldn't have thought you were being intrusive if you'd asked.

The only thing that troubles me is you've managed to sum it up far more succinctly than I've ever managed to in more than 8 years.

I am still surprised that Harry, knowing the damage caused by the fall out from of the ill-advised television interviews given by both his parents, would ever have contemplated giving a similar interview.

This makes me think it was more Meghan's choice than Harry's. As has been noted above, he looked distinctly uncomfortable at times - especially sitting in the chicken coop when Meghan was saying that they had been married three days before the official wedding. The ground was very well stared at .

Also, given how obsessed America was with Diana, I do not believe for one minute that she or her mother didn't know about Diana's interview.

I agree HurdyGurdy a lot of what M's said has shown that she's at best economical with the truth. I remember her saying how her friends had warned her about becoming involved with H because of his family.

I'm sure she said so around the time of their engagement which struck me as rather odd.

Maybe he was hoping the ground would open up and swallow him. If only it had and swallowed the pair of them.

Dear NellG, I take off my hat to you! What a wisdom! Thank you. You've made my year.

I don't think they can * Armadillo*, there seems to be some strange belief that they have the power to squash what the press publishes - but they don't, not unless it's illegal, like libel. Even then they have to go to court, which gets reported in the press, like the letter business between Meghan and her father.

Where estrangement is concerned, there is pain and hurt on both sides, always, because none of us exist in a vacuum. In order for someone's partner to convince them to distance themselves, pain has to be perceived and felt then more caused, which knocks on to everyone else involved. No one comes out clean no matter which direction the mud gets slung. The only thing left sometimes is to just accept, do your best to heal, wish everyone a bit of light and love and move forward. Not easy, but doable.

If only we could all sit down and talk to each other eh? Wouldn't that be a novelty!

I am certainly not the best person to comment on that lnterview as it has left me feeling completely divided between
M and H and the RF. I did not believe I would hear/see such heavy loaded words directed to the R.F and felt saddened particularly for the Queen. I want to remain optimistic that somehow there can be some reconciliation at least for Harry and the RF as the palace statement did say they wanted to discuss matters of concern in private. Much of what occurred could have been discussed in private anyway without the need for the fallout that followed the interview.
I do hope that as well as the statement that Harry received a phone call at least from his father if only asking him if he was okay. H and M did not blame the Queen or Prince Philip for the remark about the skin tone of the baby so we
know it was not them also Harry spoke of his fondness for his GM and GF so feel there is hope there.
To me it feels de ja vu about Harry as his birthday is the same day as my Ds she was born one year earlier, and then Harry married a mixed race woman and my D is mixed race
Perhaps because of the race element which M threw in I must say it did touch a nerve for me and until you walk in the shoes of someone in a bi-racial relationship you can empathize but can never really understand unless you have lived some of the experiences. For those reasons I did feel
a touch for her grievances.
What the Interview has done for me so far has brought me to having over an hour long phone conversation with my eldest daughter all about her own mixed race identity, experiences and just her life in general about being brought up by a white mother, mainly all things we know but maybe have forgotten because she is now 45. One thing I do know
that Harry does seem to think he is in the master class for knowing about bi-racial commitments but he has still much to learn. I was 17.5 when I had my first daughter and I think I
had more sense at that age than M and H put together.
Anyway I have put my comments and will end now as I know this is too long for anyone to read so if you like give it a miss as it will probably send you to sleep.

Ha ha I've always been a bit different than my family.
I didn't really mean squash but defend is different isn't it.
I get a bit suckled I ith bits that remind me of my situations but am trying not to really. Like the Queen saying about different recollections made me remember my mum saying my memory was bad and I remembered wrong. I think I have got to keep my head seperate or I might end up on odes and arguing ha ha

Dear NellG, I moved to a different country, so as NOT to be with my mother who has never wanted me & beat me to near death when I was 6 years old. Being a doctor, she patched me up herself at home with all the medical equipment from her surgery, left me for 3 days locked up in our flat & gone away. There was no food, only a crust of stale bread & a little bit of water in a bucket (we did not have running water). I still support her financially but she gives me trouble even now, through quarles & shouting abuse at her best friends & neighbours who threw up their hands in despair & contacted me via Skype to cry on my shoulder only yesterday. She has publicly disowned her foster son who died the next day at 44 (what a way to part...), & his 10-year-old daughter was near a breakdown when she phoned her up & told nasty stories about her mum. She also disowned me in writing & in vile stories to all & sundry & then acted as if nothing had happened & expected her & I to pick up & carry on as usual. I cannot wait for the release from my mental prison when she finally dies. Only then I will be free.

Much of what occurred could have been discussed in private anyway without the need for the fallout that followed the interview

That is so true 3nanny6*. I can't really work out how this could all have occurred without family discussions and sorting it out. Is life in the RF really so tied to protocols and advisers, that that couldn't happen? I don't know.

So sad and oh so true Madgran77. A Royal program yesterday was saying that if the Queen was in her office and Prince Charles had come into the palace he would not be allowed to go to the office there would have to make phone calls between staff and then check if Prince Charles could go to see her.

Thinking to my own life how good is that if you want an hour away from family just refuse to see them.

Rabbit that is a truly horrendous thing to have survived, and kudos to you for still finding the generosity of spirit to provide support. I sincerely hope you will be kind and generous to yourself too and find some support for your thoughts and feelings about this, it doesn't need to wait. My best wishes to you

There are so many sad stories on here. We don't get to choose family and sometimes that causes so much pain fpr people.

Thank you for your responses and knowing I’m not alone in reacting how I have to that interview. Smileless you put it all brilliantly. When I saw the Queen on the front page this morning, 94 years old, her husband in hospital, my heart went out to her, knowing the pain she’s carrying . I hope that couple realise the hurt they have caused one. I must snap out of this, I try really hard carrying on regardless, but it’s all nearer the surface than I realised.

Thank you, NellG, for your flowers, support & kind words! Oh, what a relief to be believed! Even my councellor looked incredulous, so I stopped the sessions & enrolled on a psychology Uni course instead. It helped!

Is not the same as going on TV but my daughter vented her spleen about me and my daughter on Reddit. I got tricked into finding out she did it as she trolled me on a Gransnet thread. I only read a sentence and that was enough for me. My daughter read it all but wouldn't tell me anything apart from a bit she found hysterical in which she described her as unemployable. Before having my grandson she managed a million pound budget for a university . Had teams over 4 campuses she was in charge of. I know some of what she wrote a friend told me as she read it on my behalf. She had been writing about us for over a year. Found out in June last year. She met my son in 2005 a year after my husband died. I was so happy my boy was happy again. Little did I know what would happen May 2020. When he decided he didn't want his mother in his or families life ever again. Plus all over side of the family. So my 3 grandson's will grow up only knowing her side.

Rabbit I had not seen your post when my own comment came up just below yours. I am so sorry that you suffered that and the fact that you continue to support your mother is stunningly generous and admirable of you.

There are counsellors who would not look stunned and incredulous and would believe you. I hope that your psychology course helps you

Whiff How vert very painful for you

Thank you, Madgran77, for being so kind & for the flowers! It does make a difference. I will look for counsellors after the lockdown ends. For the time being, my best helper is our cat who likes his cuddles & patiently listens to me when we sit on the rug in front of the fireplace watching the Cat TV - the dancing flames. Sometimes, I sing plaintive Ukrainian folklore songs - they are very beautiful & speak of love, heartbreaks, wars & peace, of flowers, fair maidens & fallens soldiers. P.S. I like your nickname, by the way! Does it mean that you are feisty, open to new experiences & full of beans?