Grandchildren and Christmas gifts

Probably a knee jerk reaction to being in the wrong Lemonlegs it does seem that such small gestures which are important to us are not considered by some adult children.

I do sympathise. I without fail send cards and transfer cash (at their request via their mum) to my 2 nephews every Christmas and birthday. They're 15 and 18 now and not once have they acknowledged their gift. It's like it disappears into a black hole.

I don't want them to buy me a gift, I'd just like a thank you! I very nearly said something this year. But, for the sake of family harmony I didn't. It does grate somewhat though...

I can’t imagine ever asking someone for a present, no matter how gently worded. Or telling someone that I felt sad because they hadn’t sent me a present. I think the only presents worth having are those which are given freely.

I’m not sure why the OP is withdrawing pocket money from her granddaughters given her description of their replies.

Me too! In fact, I had a bit of a barney with DD when she was telling me how elder GS, now doing weekend work, had brought presents for them all. I ask he couldn't have bought just a little something for me. DD was amazed, until I pointed out how I pay pocket money into their accounts, fill their Isla's each year, pay for school trips and God knows what else. She was quite put out. In fact, I think there was a little bit of "going no-contact" for a while after Xmas, until I told her to not be so daft. (I was ^not going to let happen^)
(sodding Mmsnet )

Today 's families are insular. They don't think outside their own little group.

I should have previewed. Isa's not Isla's.

Oh, and we take them on holiday.

I think children should be brought up to think of others, starting with their Granny and Grandad. And Nannie because I don't suppose she got anything either.

Sorry about the rant. I think I must have been bottling that up. ?

I hope I haven't killed this thread.

I would never ever ask for a present off anyone and actually think it’s pretty poor to make grandkids feel guilty because they haven’t bought you one At 18 and 21 I doubt you would still be giving pocket money. two of my grandkids give me cards and small presents although not sure that ll continue when they are not at home (it might but I m not expecting it to They re funny when my grandson went over seas with the scouts he completely lost his mums present and mine was a bit strange, he thought he’d bought me a thin leather necklace but he’d bought me a string that your glasses go on ??? but he tried. My others who live away just piggy back on their mum and dads cards and presents
It is what it is I don’t lose sleep over it and I don’t give to them in expectation of getting it back
Kids are naturally self centred

I don't give our adult DGCs pocket money, especially at 18 and 21 which are the ages of the two DGSs who live next door. I think your DGC's reply to you was considerate though and it's good that they realise your feelings were hurt.

Don't worry too much about your DD's reaction. They don't like it when they discover they've been by-passed.

They say that grannies and their grandchildren have a common enemy......The mother!

Having said that, I was touched that both my DDs gave their children a nudge to send us facebook messages on Christmas morning.

This was to buck us up because we were feeling a bit down due to a family problem elsewhere which is not of our making but we've been caught in the crossfire.

Familes, eh?

Interesting range of responses....
In my case it was a pity my DD and SIL intervened and made a mountain out of a molehill.
At 18 and 21 my DGD’s are grown women and their response to me should have been left there, end of story.
We’ll see what happens!

"Kids are naturally self centred". Yes, maybe. But isn't that what bringing them up is all about?

Mums do protect their sons. You take your life in your hands if you let any little bit of criticism through to my DD about her boys. And I'm the same with mine. Even now. ?

I don't wish to be unkind, but maybe consider what is going on for you that means the lack of a small gift at Christmas has caused this upset?

Nothing ‘going on for me’ that caused this upset at all!!
Pure thoughtlessness on their part and being self absorbed.
But I’m wiser now and finding the range of responses interesting without getting personal.....

OK sorry.

What’s mumsnet got to do with it?

I think because mumsnet members are more for going 'no contact'.
Maybe a generational thing?

I would have been ashamed to take a gift from my grandmother at 18, let alone at 21.

Perhaps this should be the last round of granny handouts for these young adults.

I'm amazed that you've been giving them pocket money at 18 and 21 . I've never even thought of giving my GC pocket money - that's for their parents to do.

As for gifts, mine send cards for me at birthdays and Christmas and that's perfectly fine with me. I can't imagine writing to them and asking for a gift. I guess every family is different.

In their 18 & 21 years, have they ever given you a gift? Is this the first year they've forgotten you?

If this has been a regular thing as they grew up, then it's become normal.

If they'd asked their parents if a gift for granny was appropriate, it may well be they were told, 'It's all right, we put all our names on gifts, so don't bother.'
With no one realising how upset this has made you - until you pointed it out.

I hope this resolves without further problems.

My grandaughters are 9. I always have a Christmas present from them which I know at the moment my daughter pays for but they are delighted to give it me on Christmas morning. I’m lucky enough to live very nearby so always spend Christmas Day with them . I’m hoooong that when they are older the example they’ve been given means they’ll continue as they get older maybe at some point buying with their own money. I don’t give them regular pocket money but put money and chocolate in an ascent calendar for them every year and buy them gifts throughout the year