Deep Grief

Hi Felicity,

Firstly, I’m so sorry for your loss and to hear of this awful situation.

Why not ask his son if you can attend the funeral home with him and explain that you may be able to answer many of the questions that will be asked.

As a funeral arranger I see many families who come in and there’s often 4 or 5 family members attending to make the arrangements.
It takes an hour and a half or so to go through funeral arrangements and that’s with people generally knowing what their loved one wanted.
I’m not sure where you are, but in the UK if you are his next of kin then you are quite entitled to make the arrangements, although asking if you can go along may stop family feuds beginning.
If you would like me to send you a link to some information about what happens after an unexpected death, send me a private message and I will send you a link to our website.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I have reported the above post as it is very rude.

I'm sorry about all that has happened. You address your immediate anxieties, the funeral home will have dressed him anyway, he won't be undressed but if you want to take an outfit for him to wear that was his and a favourite, take it in to them. It might also be worth talking you them anyway regarding other matters. I'm sorry for your loss, you sound a good, kind person and I'm sorry your partner never recovered from his illness x

I’m so sorry for your sad loss Felicity and your current predicament. ?. Sending a big hug.

If it helps, being his next of kin on paper means YOU can make all the decisions. Just explain to the family that it was your partner's wish to makeyounext of kin legally, and that now you've had time to draw breath after the shock of his death you intend to resume all the responsibilities of next of kin. Tell them you don't intend to shut them out of arrangements, but ultimately you will make the final decisions on everything. I'm sorry for the heartbreak you're feeling.

Thank you all so much I’m totally overwhelmed with your amazing responses. I will take my time to digest them and consider everything you all said. To reply to the generality of the questions. No we were not married but together for a long time. I spent my life trying to keep the family together but because of the scale of my partners addiction they chose to walk away. Yes I wrote to them yes I gave them every opportunity to respond . I’m going to try and regroup tomorrow but am mightily heartened by the love and support I have felt from you all today. Thank you . Sent with love Felicity x
X

Felicity I am so sorry to hear of your tragic loss. It is so sad that, to add to your grief, you have been so hurtfully excluded from carrying out what you believe your partner would have wanted.

My feeling is that you loved and cared for your partner, even after alcoholism had caused him to behave badly towards you. At the most important time - when he was alive - you did everything you could to show him you cared, even when others, perhaps understandably, felt they could no longer deal with the situation. I feel and hope that this knowledge gives you some comfort.

Felicity, you did the very best for your partner that you were able and were allowed to do. No one can do more that. Be as kind and generous to yourself as you were to him.

You are in the midst of dark times at the moment but time will help the rawness of the pain. Much of the sadness may be around 'what might have been' and 'if only' but there are no answers to those questions and speculations.

I do hope you have loving and supportive people around you to help you through this painful time. ?

Grandmajan, they were not married, although she has been named as Nok. How she stands legally, I don't know. She needs advice on this. She is in grief and will not be thinking straight.
Thinking of you Felicity