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This is a long post. Please bear with me. I am scared that I will lose my beautiful grand daughter.
My DIL and Son had a beautiful little girl nearly three years ago. From day one I have had concerns about the way he speaks to her and treats her. My DIL had a traumatic birth and resulted in a full prolapse and stoma bag. My son stayed with DIL for the whole duration of her hospital stay and wasn't really concerned about his daughter. Who was being looked after by her mother.
My sons relationship with his daughter is one that scares and worries me. Ever since she was born he has taken great delight in calling her names such as bitch, retard to name just two. When I have asked him to stop his reply was that "it's funny". I am mortified. He then continued to control her in ways such as, not being allowed to go into the garden, not too much Sun. If I asked if I could take her for a walk the answer is always no. For no other reason than he knows it upsets me and when I asked why, I'm told, "she's my daughter I can do what I want with her.
DIL and Son actually separated mid year this year and so now Son sees her Tues, Thurs, Fri and Sat. Sometimes Sunday. You may think this is great but he only does it so he can see his ex-wife. He is utterly fixated with his ex wife. There is no concern for his little girl or her development. He works from home and often sits for 8 hours on his laptop while she wanders around the front room playing with the toys I've bought. Throughout Summer he wouldn't let her in the garden because he didn't like the Sun. She isn't allowed milk because she's "milk intolerant". She has never been tested. She had ring worm and when I mentioned that he could get her some cream he said that it was the washing pods he was using? Whenever she went to itch it, he shout at her to stop doing it.
He seems to take delight in making her cry. He picked her up a few weeks ago and proceeded to spin her around and she was hysterical. I challenged him and asked why making his daughter cry like that was fun. He said, "because it's funny."
She is absolutely terrified of the bath. She didn't used to be. But recently he decided that she needed a bath at 5pm. She looked at me and started crying saying that "I don't like it Nanna". She really was sobbing. When I asked why doesn't she like it he said, "she's putting it on and they are crocodile tears." When they were staying with us in the beginning of the separation I witnessed him washing her hair. She hates the water in her eyes. I had to go in and beg him to stop. She was screaming so much that she had wet herself. I bought a hair washing cap so it didn't go in her eyes. He refused to use it saying that "we don't do tears in this house."
I am now at the point where I dread the days I know that this innocent little girl goes to stay with my Son. When I go and visit she runs to me and constantly sticks by my side.
I'm not allowed to speak to his ex wife as per his instructions. Despite my saying that I want to continue having a relationship with her. But if I do speak to her he will stop my seeing my grand daughter.
A couple of weeks ago she had a bruise on her forehead. When I asked how she did it, he said she was throwing some socks around and she fell over some weights and banged her head. Yet when I asked my grand daughter, she said "Daddy smacked me."
Please help. I don't know what to do.
Everyone is right SadNanna your son is abusing his daughter and you and her mother have a responsibility to put a stop to this. I feel so sorry for you as nobody wants to think their adult child could behave like this.
It's your granddaughter who is important here please get her some help.
As an ex social worker, specialising in Child Protection, I commend you for taking the step of posting on GN.
You now need to take the next couple of steps.
Please try to speak to your DiL.
Then call the NSPCC for advice. Discussing this and putting your concerns into words, will help you to marshall your thoughts and work out what needs to happen next.
Do you have a family member or trusted friend who could support you, during this difficult time?
Dig deep, you have taken an important step and now you need information and support to work through the next ones. Wishing you the best of luck.
I would add, you need to do this as soon as possible!
He's your son, but he's a bullying bastard. REPORT HIM. Also, no matter what he says, speak to the DIL and tell her.
Blokes like him are despicable.
I couldn't read it all because it upset me so much. What a monster of a man ! Ring social services and ask if they can come and see you for you to explain what's going on. This can't continue as it's a serious matter and very damaging for that poor child.
Why oh why do these sort of things happen ?
So the little girl is with her mother most Sundays, Mondays and Wednesdays. Presumably her mother works or has ill health or would be the primary carer for a child so young. I have no idea how one would go about this but from all I have read on Mumsnet I think going straight to social services rather than antagonise your son By going to your dil and it would simply delay matters with the nspcc. It is possible To report anonymously to social services. A long time ago I knew a child was being mistreated and it was very hard to get people to act via health visitors and the nspcc. That poor child.
The phrase in the OP, "She's my daughter, I can do what I like with her" is beyond chiling!
Please, Sadnanna, get on the case asap! This is a bad thing waiting to happen
Whilst I don't want to seem alarmist, similarly don't want to read about this in one of the newspapers.
Sending you strength to do what's right, and every good wish.
*
Please don't delay, I sincerely hope that you have already called. Poor little girl 
I agree with the majority verdict, Sadnanna. You need to act in this wee one’s best interests, because it seems to me that no one else is.
Yes, maybe you run the risk of losing contact with her, but better that than losing contact in the worst and cruellest way possible.
Another one here saying to report him as soon as possible. It must be heart-rending for you as he is your son, but this treatment of a defenceless little girl is beyond unacceptable. Why does he have so much access to her? I would be pushing for only supervised contact in future.
How awful for you! Please please report him to social services or the NSPCC immediately and tell your ex Dil before he harms her badly. It isn’t just the physical abuse it’s the mental abuse as well and how sad that your son is so jealous of his own innocent child.
Are you frightened of your son as it sounds as if you are. Please help your GD as this cannot continue
As an afterthought, and for nothing like your poor granddaughter is enduring....my granny protected me when I needed it. I always had such love for her in a way I never had for my parents. I still miss her after 40 years ?. Even if it ends with you losing contact with her for a few years, she’ll seek you out in the future. Better that, than for you to lose her permanently. Like others have said, you’ve done the hardest bit by coming on here. We’re all behind you, and look forward to hearing that your son has been ‘ removed’ from your GD’s life. God bless.
Definitely report it and I fear for your DiL too if he is obsessed with her. She may need protection too. Could you speak to her Mum perhaps if not allowed to speak to DiL?
I know he's your son, but if he is taking delight in his daughters suffering ,well that's abuse ! Report him now .I feel so sorry for you it's obviously breaking your heart .
No response from OP?
Just what I was going to write jaxjacky
That's very worrying!
I think this thread is very odd.Just saying.
Wish SadNanna would come back and confirm she's done something about this. Her son needs sorting out before he does any more damage to the child.
100% you must contact Social Services and let them know your concerns. The rest is up to them.
Please report him now. Don’t wait until something really bad happens. How sad for you to have a son who behaves in such a cruel way. He will be furious with you but you will get support and you sound a very loving, caring granny. You know what you have to do.
lemongrove
I think this thread is very odd.Just saying.
I agree. I've been following this from the outset, but have resisted posting, waiting for the OP to return to the thread with at least some reassurance that she would take the advice given by so many GNetters.
But she hasn't, which is kind of odd really, given that she sounds so desperate in her opening post.
This is a heart rending post and everyone on here is saying report him and speak to your DIL. I agree wholeheartedly with that. I would add to be wary though. Sometimes when you speak to others involved they try to convince you they are dealing with it and not to complicate matters or they issue threats about withdrawing access. Do not listen to that even if you hold your tongue at the time of the conversation for your own/child's safety. Do make sure that you yourself inform the powers that be and do not be deterred. This child cannot speak for herself. You must be her advocate.
If its true it must be a heart breaking situation for sadnana if not well then I despair.
sodapop
If its true it must be a heart breaking situation for sadnana if not well then I despair.
I agree with you sodapop but I hope in some ways it is made up . I can’t bear to think of a little child suffering like this .
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