tell me I'm not BU

Loopyloo Be available when it suits..Let your family need you not the other way round. Give it time then see who gets the most invitations.

I also have a son who lives 4 hours travel away and has not come home since his daughter was born 5 years ago. We do the travelling. He has always been the master of brevity on texts ( once sending me '4' when I asked what time he would be free) I don't think he is being rude, it's just a text thing with lads. He would also check with DiL if I asked to visit. I understand your feelings as I have often felt the same but I expect we will just have to grit our teeth and carry on as I would be so sad if I never saw them. On the bright side, he has offered to come here late this year! I'm not holding my breath but it's the first time he has ever offered. I think it's jst the way some children are with older parents.

JuliaSeizer44 I feel for you as curt response hurt me too, esp from my adult children. However I am with OldMeg, don't be hurt, he probably can't write more while at work and it is right that he consults his wife. Our generation can't quite get the quick message idea of texts, so we feel hurt when there's not even a x (kiss) at the end, but our children are used to sending very quick messages and don't mean anything untoward about them.

Actually be glad you got a reply! I sent 2 emails to my daughters recently and haven't heard back. I assume they are really busy though.

Do try not to read anything into your son's messages. He's under pressure at work. All of them are these days.

Lots of love, Lx

Worthingpatchworker What a mine of golden advice you give! I love what you say; ..

one's expectations are what can cause one grief.

I will put this on my wall!
Thank you!!

Grannyris What a brilliant idea! I used to camp at a local camp site. I enjoyed my bit of independence that way too. It's a bit too much now as my pain situation has grown worse. However I shall save up and copy you in a hotel! Thanks!

one's expectations are what can cause one grief

I will put this on my will.....never mind my wall luzdoh!

???

sarahellenwhitney I am ashamed to confess this;
Many A few times I have thought "I hope your children do this to you..."
Not about brevity of texts but many other actual callous things like for Mothering Sunday being given "The Little Book of Death Clearing".

OldMeg You are a gem!!!

Texts are supposed to be brief and therefore come over as curt. Please pick up a phone.

I've only skimmed some of these replies so apologies if this has already been answered, but it isn't clear how long you have waited.
If he is so busy at work that he needs to go in when everyone else is away, he needs people to give him a bit of peace so I would try not to take anything personally and leave him be for a while. If he hasn't got back to you in 2 or 3 weeks, then maybe contact him again but it is very difficult when you are under pressure at work and not finding enough time for your immediate family and what seems to you as a reasonable request may feel like additional pressure to him. It is not that you are asking for anything unreasonable, just that he may not have the resources in time, energy, etc. to give it to you. People can care and be close but just not be able to see each other very frequently. It is just life.

Sons, eh? Don't be offended.

600 miles for a weekend!! You are mad woman. Why not Skype to see your son and save yourself a lot of trouble and angst. One of my sons lives 500 miles away and I wouldn't dream of going for only a weekend. The expense for airfares/ trains/petrol would take my enjoyment away. Only if there was a situation where I was needed would I think of going for 2 nights. Perhaps I am just too mean!

My DM lives 300 miles away, I visit twice a year for a week. My DD & her family go once a year, I ring every 2/3 days.

I live about 10 miles away from my DD, we rarely ring each other preferring to use Messenger, this really started when she was expecting DGS2, combination of 7 year old at School & a difficult pregnancy, this works well for us, meet up when we all have sparetime.

I don't have DS but I believe men are less thoughtful than women.

"A Son's a Son until he takes a Wife

A Daughter's a Daughter for all of your Life"

Legs55 Thought my step MiL was being harsh when she said that on the birth of first son (she had an only son). Now I realise how true it is. Friends with daughters don't understand.

Luzdoh I found that your Mothering Sunday 'gift' was shockingly callous and beyond rude and I almost wish my DH was absolutely speechless because he can't help but keep making yet another comment about it!
I think you should consider what oldmeg says and to actually put it in your will rather thsn on your wall and in fact I hope you have not thrown the book away and will leave it to them in your will with at least that quote written to them on the fly sheet.. How on earth did it get to this point?

I get upset sometimes, One of my sons lives a long way away, so if I see him once a year I am lucky, difficult for me to travel as I am disabled. My daughter, we speak daily and I usually see her once a week, my other son has recently (a year ago) moved a bit further away than he was and I hardly ever see them, yes they both work, plus there is an 11 yr old granddaughter, but it must have been many months since I have seen them. They go out and about with friends etc at the weekends, camping, meeting up and doing things but they don't come here. I keep telling myself they have lives of their own to live and of course they do, but I do miss seeing them, their new home is not easy to get to either if you don't have a car.

On the 'positive' side you could always say you need to see him to discuss your funeral plans and his eventual inheritance !!!!! tell him you are about to make a new Will and are considering leaving everything to the Cats home...since the cats are more like family ...always there, always looking for a cuddle and a lap to sit on, whereas family never seem to be there for you !! See how swiftly he responds positively and invites you for the weekend .....and if not then make your new Will and LEAVE everything to charity .....................

Its normal to check first with the other half, suggest leaving it a day or two longer and then ringing, maybe in the evening asking when it would be the best time to visit.

Obviously we don’t know what sort of relationship you have with your son, I am lucky there is nothing I can’t say to my 2 and they wouldn’t take offence even if they disagreed with me. We have always maintained an open, calm, loving and respectful relationship. As others have said, do talk, not text and def include DIL. There is nothing wrong with telling DS that whereas you respect he has his own life now, explain how he makes you feel. Your feelings are equally important, and if he has been offended by you in some way, he should be adult enough to discuss this.

I can see that this is hitting you hard and you may be feeling very sensitive just after your other ds cancelled a visit - but it is very difficult to know what is going on without further information
- texts are (in my opinion) always a very brief method of communication - what more of a reply were you expecting?
- the reply sounds fine to me - pretty much what one of my dds would text. Our DCs cannot make a unilateral reply without checking. What if your ds has forgotten a wedding, bbq or other commitment?
- how much time has passed since the reply? Were you expecting him to contact DIL at once and get back to you? Has it been more than 24hours? It's possible that he will wait until he gets home. I never expect instant replies as my DH has a job where personal mobiles are forbidden during the working day.

I have a son who is very much the same. Before now I've had a text reply from him that just said "yep".
He too has always to consult his wife before making arrangements. I don't like it but I have come to accept that he's a man of few words and he's not going to change.
Once when I was upset over his lack of communication, my daughter said "oh don't get angry with him, he loves you to bits". He's never told me that but I know, because she's said so, that his wife has the same problem.
At the end of the day, it's who he is and as I love him to bits too, I have to accept him as he is.

Our son only lives 5 minutes away, but never thinks to call in on us, we decided that maybe we should try going to their house sometimes, so text to say would it be convenient to call in for a coffee, he replied with of course, but we both felt uncomfortable, the conversation didn't flow and and we felt we were just asking them questions, all the time.We have left it 4 weeks now, and he still hasn't been in touch, only to answer a text message, I'm beginning to think, they really aren't interested in us anymore.Very sad, and it hurts like hell..It does seem to be very different now, irrespective of distances they just seem overwhelmed with their own lives .

Love it OldMeg

My son would be the same and I might not hear for two weeks. He is wrapped up in work, commuting and just living. I have had to learn not to let it worry me. But I would not attempt a visit in high summer as his work responsibilities are more stressful than usual with colleagues on holiday. Also demands for accommodion are high as he lives near a major holiday attraction and airport. I tell him to let me know when it suits him and his partner for me to visit. Sit back and let it work itself out.

*accommodation. ??? meantime.