To find the use of 'passed' instead of died irritating?

Condolences Grandma70s on what I still perceive to be your loss

I've lost my daughter.
She isn't where she should be, and I don't know where, or even if she is..
She is lost to me.

MissA ??

I think to me to ‘lose’ something or someone sounds as if one has taken an active part in it. If I lose my keys, it’s because of carelessness on my part. It just seems odd to apply that to people.

I do not mind, died, lost to us, passed away. But at the risk of sounding irreverent I do not like 'passed' on its own. I always thing it should be followed by ' the salt or gravy, by or wind.e.g. As in he passed the gravy.
I hope this does not offend anyone. That is not my intention

Made me laugh, Bbbevan

Baggs you are quite right. Dead, died etc is succinct and the only language we were taught to use in A/E. It sounds so harsh just reading this post, but in disbelieving situations they were the only words not misinterpreted by just bereaved relatives. No room was left for false hope (which I think is human nature.)

Apologies if this post offends anyone.

One of my dissertations many moons ago was death and dying from a cross cultural perspective but I did not address the specific use of language.

My first thought was “hate passed” but having read the posts I realise how high handed that is. It’s up to the bereaved how they refer to it so, although I’ve never voiced my thoughts, I’m sorry for having them and will count my blessings that I haven’t had the experiences some have had.

I am the same. If people say someone has, "passed" I tend to ask, "passed what? Their driving test? If so, congratulations. A kidney stone? My sympathies they're painful, but glad it's out."
When my mother died, lots of people commiserated that I'd, "lost her". I didn't lose her! I'm not that careless! She died. And I wept. For months. It's nearly 8 years ago now and I still weep sometimes.
Using plain, simple language is not an indication of heartlessness. I feel your pain. I'll sit and listen to your grief. I'll hold your hand for as long as you want until I grow numb with the inactivity. I'll feed your cat and water your plants and dust and hoover when you have lost the will to do so, and remind you to eat and drink yourself, but I'll always use plain and simple language, out of respect for my dead mum.

I don't object to the word 'died' being said to me at all. Its just a word.
Its a word though, that I often don't want to say in the same sentence as my child's name.
Its just too painful.

My husband is NOT dead! He is still very much alive in spirit and in our hearts in our family.

The only time I use the word death is when I quote this pen quote which is for impact: It is "Death ended my husband's life. It did NOT end our relationship"

I am still married as far as I am concerned. The only time I use widowed is on a legal document that I have too.

My husband has passed away to me. We did NOT attend his funeral. We speak of it as his service or celebration of life service and the gathering afterwards.

Dead, died, death, funeral, funeral home, wake are too harsher words for me.

It's more gentler to use simpler words with children too. I agree about not using the words like sleeping as I can see how they may frighten.

Yes I do have a faith and I do believe I will pass away and join my husband and he will be waiting for me in spirit.

"We are not human beings looking for a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience" Echart Tolle.

My faith isn't conventional however I do not believe when we are dead that's it.

I also do not believe my husband has gone (he passed away in March 2018) my husband is not a was. He is an is. That's how I talk about him in the was and is. In the now.

I have my well husband back now as I can hear what he would say to me and I natter to him daily.

His love is still with us along with all he was and is.

Nothing has changed. He can't be seen by the earthly eye that's all. It's like saying the world ends when you can't see passed a certain point of the sea and ocean. It doesn't. This is the same

I don't care what other language people use with their loved ones. That's their choice. Ours is to use the language we use. Fortunately those around me also respect this and do it themselves.

Oh and incase your wondering what we used, where my husband was taken after his passing, it was to the name of the directors and their name

I too find the word that someone has passed quite irritating.
of course everybody must use the language that is right for them and using passed, may make things easier for them to talk about what has happened to a love one.
but personally, I like to call a spade a spade and if somebody has died that is the word I use.

A long time ago, a London cabbie told me that in the cafes where cabbies take a break, they never say someone is dead, they are brown bread ( to soften the shock of telling someone). Of course, it might be different now.

MissAdventure So sorry for you. (I was going to say, 'So sorry for your loss'.) But your daughter isn't 'lost' - just from your side, for a little while. There is a wonderful poem by Canon Henry Scott Holland (Too long to type here, but you will be able to find it on the Internet.) "All Is Well." It begins, 'Death is nothing at all, I have only slipped away into the next room ...' I do hope it brings you, and others, some comfort - as it did me. It echoes keffies post.

Now everyone can discuss slipped away!

SpringyChicken 'Brown bread' is cockney rhyming slang for 'dead'. And, Yes!, it's still used by Londoners. (In my family, anyway.)

MissAdventure I could not agree more, I lost my son and that's how I describe it, it was a loss.

Whatever people are comfortable with saying when someone dies is fine with me.

I don't personally like it. It certainly doesn't fit my experience of death where a young person was killed in an accident - he certainly didn't 'pass away' - neither did my father who suddenly had a heart attack out of the blue. However if it helps people I am not going to criticise. It is a lot better than 'fell asleep' which can be very worrying for children.

Me too NanKate it’s all about the feelings of those who have lost a loved one.

I have no problem with people who use euphemisms for dead and would never try to "correct" them. But dead is dead – and, however painful, there are no two ways about it.

An additional thought – my father died and many years later my mother died. They are dead; their deaths are losses to me and other members of my family because they are no longer a living part of our lives. They are, of course, a remembered and massively valued part of our lives.

I can't see how anyone can be offended by saying passing or died, the person saying it has lost someone they love.

1) irritated is not the same as offended!
2) my OP did not suggest I or anyone should confront anyone who used words they found most appropriate.
3) I clarified my post was in response to a news item I had read & not a face to face.
I only list these things as this thread has illustrated how easily people make huge assumptions about others, how use of language is so powerful and how quick we are to take umbrage and that I must take care more time in constructing any comment / post to ensure absolute clarity!

How unkind some posts are.

My husband died young, we had two small daughters, I lost the love, hopes, dreams we have in only eight years of marriage.

I had two babies who died at birth so I lost those babies, ,
they didn’t die because they only lived minutes, I lost them.

My first love didn’t die he was murdered because he was a black S.A. So I lost him.

My parents died and I still miss them , again I lost much.

Last November my adored elder daughter took her own life, she didn’t die, she jumped in a river and drown , I lost the person I adored, my best friend, my joy, my world

They all died, I lost them, I didn’t misplace them .

No one can ‘feel my pain’ , those who have buried their parents, husband, babies, adult daughter can understand how I hurt, how lost I am but my grief is mine , my pain is mine .

I know my beloved elder daughter will no longer suffer so she has found the peace which passeth all understanding, she has passed on from the dark world her illness took her to into the light of the ever loving God.

I have lost their love, their presence, and I too am lost.

Don’t nit pick words people choose to use, don’t make jokes about kidney stones and driving tests. Allow people to use what ever words helps them through the darkness of their grief.

I think it’s often very hard to use the word “dead” or “died” because it seems so brutally final. My dad can’t bring himself to say that my mum “died” and tells people that he “lost his wife” which is true.

This thread has made me see why some people prefer euphemisms, and I’ll try to be more tolerant about them in future, though I’ll never use them myself.