Fallen out with a friend

You are right not to feel bad. She is not a friend.

Eglantine
Count your blessings and run. This is not. This is not friendship it is bullying. She wants it all on her terms and it is all about her. Take your escape route. She is not family so thankfully you do not have to put up with it. She would only be upsetting you.
Dawn

I agree. Just say thanks for the invitation but I have decided not to come. Don't get into any discussions about it. Of course if a friend invites you, you expect to see the sights together.She is being totally unfair.

The motives of this so called friend and completely irrelevant.

She is a liar and doesn't care for you or your safety.

Bye bye.

Eglantine do you not have travel insurance which would over the cost of the lost airfare?

That wouldn’t cover changing your mind about going as technically OP would still be able to go

Well done gillybob, I am certain you are spot on. What a mean and nasty trick to play on someone you call a friend. Now she's in trouble, isn't she, because what is she going to tell her husband about those extra days?

With any luck he'll say he'll come with her for the weekend and completely scupper her plans. Haha, now that would be sweet, wouldn't it?

I did wonder why she hadn’t decided to spend the extra days with her husband in Rome being as it was his birthday weekend.
No disrespect to Eglantine 21 as I’m sure she is great company.

You need a new friend who shows you some respect.

With any luck he'll say he'll come with her for the weekend and completely scupper her plans. Haha, now that would be sweet, wouldn't it?

That would be brilliant Bathsheba

I can just imagine the conversation can you ?

Actually when I decided not to go ahead I hadn’t checked in, so I did offer my plane tickets for her husband or daughter.
Or another friend if she could get someone at short notice.

She said no.

She’s not a friend Drop her & move on
You deserve better treatment

Does she work for the media? It is evocative to me of people who work at break-neck speed & think of the consequences - and other people - later. Whatever line of business she is in I'd question whether you want to be treated so thoughtlessly & lightly.

Your friend is the one who has altered the original plans, not you. If she had told you how this was going to be from the off then as you say you wouldn't have gone. I'm thinking the expenses her work were going to pay her are not quite what she thought they would be regardless of that they wouldn't kick in till she had completed the trip. In your place I think you are quite justified in deciding not to go. If this situation was in reverse do you think she would be happy with the change of plans....NO.... she wouldn't.

Calls herself a “friend”
“User” more like
Completely agree with FlexibleFriend
Focus on your other friends as in my opinion you would be better off without this one.
Wishing you all the best and hopefully you don’t dwell on this as it’s not worth the bother ?x

Eglantine you haven’t done anything wrong. Your friend invited you for a cheap chill out break, then changed the arrangements and expected you to pay for 3 days eating out in Rome! Now she is cross with you for not falling in with her changed plans.

Sorry for the loss of the friend .
Even if she wasn't who you thought she was
On holiday I have a girlfriend who has a time share. Often if she is going and not all her family is she invites me. I just pay for my air fare.
Admittedly I do pay bits and pieces but she wouldn't be fussed if I didn't
Another friend whom I travel with. All accommodation spilt down the middle and food we do our own thing
She didn't spell it out. She is in the wrong. (Actual really really odd and quite defensive her attitude)

'a cheap chill out break' sounds like she sold it to you - not much chill out and in any case, if she has hired an apartment one could assume that meals could be made at the flat - bit of cheese, bread and wine and the odd stir fry would cover it. What it now appears is that she would have been a bit bored at the weekend, needed some company,and now you are stung with a potentially huge bill. No, you have not been unreasonable - your friend has exploited you and now you have spoiled her plans by saying no. She will get over it and you have saved yourself a packet. She would have claimed on business expenses so she is hardly out of pocket herself. you don't need friends like this x

Sorry......
“Cheap chill out break” does not need to be itemised x

She has got to be the biggest pi** taker ever. Bye bye to her. Hope she goes to Rome and stays there
Plenty more fish, so were told. I wouldn’t want her as my friend.

I think forts of all, your friend should have been clear who is paying for the accommodation - her work may be paying for her stay, but only for the days she will be working, so she may well be paying for the Friday to Monday stay.
I think that the assumption when someone invites you to stay with them is that you both will be spending time together - sightseeing, shopping etc - I thought the same thing when I was invited to stay with a family member in Cornwall when they lived there, but it turned out completely differently - we didn't even go out for a meal together!
It's a shame that your friend seemed to think it was ok to leave you wandering around a strange city on your own - something she may well be used to doing with her work, but you may not be.
You have explained why you are unable to go and she should understand that. What I don't understand is, if she obviously expected only to see you in the evenings, why is she so upset ? Ball is in her court.

One word springs to mind...narcissist. People with this personality type are completely selfish and never do anything unless there is something in it for them. As others have commented, it seems clear that your friend was looking for a way to extend her stay at no cost to herself, and completely changed the agenda without any consideration for the impact on you, both financially and in practical terms. What was put to you as a mini break with her, turned into a go it alone trip with her only accompanying you for the evening meal, paid for by you! There is no winning with this type of person. They will always see things only from their own selfish perspective, and their friendship only comes on their own terms. Typing in “female narcissist “ into Google brings up lots of interesting information which will ring bells with you if this is her typical behaviour. I think you should consider whether you really want to continue with this friendship.

NO just NO the deal was she was on a business trip and rented an apartment(The apartment would be paid for on expenses) so if she had to pay for the three nights she could not claim expenses then she should have said, we will share the costs ie rent and food. Then to say have free time in Rome on your own! Where is the fun in that? on your own in a strange city? you certainly couldn't enjoy fun and laughter together. As far as her husband is concerned, how long as she been married to forget it was his birthday? I rather suspect it is as Gillybob as mentioned probably more than a business trip.
Elantine2 how long as she been taking advantage of you? I think you have had a lucky escape.

Anyone who has had a business is well aware of 'expenses' and that business trip would have cost her very little with the added bonus of a friend picking up the bill for expensive meals. Rome isn't cheap.

Onwards and Upwards

Two things spring to mind.
Firstly, I thought the original idea was to "have a great time" yet the 'friend' doesn't want to spend any time together except at evening mealtimes (when she is to be treated to dinner).
The other is why does the evening with her birthday boy preclude staying overnight before the early morning flight?
Surely it wouldn't be a late one since there will be a really early start. And I'm sure Eg would have been sensitive enough to made herself scarce, retiring to her room to give them space.

I reckon someone she had intended to 'meet' at the conference suddenly found they could be around during the weekend as well and she started backtracking on her arrangement with you. As a friend she must have known you don't drive at night any longer so that alone was a non starter. Sorry its horrible to lose someone you thought was a good friend. It will be interesting to know if afterwards she tries to pick up with you again.