Funerals

What? I never said anything about Acas! I don’t work for them!

Germanshepherdsmum I make no apologies here, I do understand responsibility. My view remains, that my mothers funeral would take precedence and if my partners meeting and daughters school were more important to them so be it.

21.56 yesterday?

Apologies but your post of 4 January 21.56 refers to ‘ACAS in relation to your employment and the important meeting.

X post GSM

dogsmother you have absolutely no idea of what I was doing which meant I had to delay my mother’s funeral. By about two weeks. When I say I had no choice I mean it. Unless you have been lead lawyer on a highly complex major and time-critical project you can’t begin to understand. It is not a matter of work being more important. I doubt you have ever been in the position I was so don’t presume to judge me. My mother certainly wouldn’t have, nor did anyone else.

Bibbity

I would just state

"As previously mentioned I can not make that date. I do hope everything goes smooth. Let me know if I can help at all but I will not be attending. Either day"

^
This.

I remember predictive text once inserting ACAS into something I had written. Probably what happened with OP.

silverlining48

The op mentioned she works for ACAS an organisation which seeks conciliation between employers and employees so would imagine they might practice what they preach.

No she didn’t and she didn’t.

Well, personally, and I know we are all different, I would be devastated if my husband said he couldn't attend my mother's funeral as he had an extremely important work commitment - I relied so much on my husband's support during those awful weeks before and during the funeral. I can't imagine him letting me go to that funeral without him.

Curly

Would you also refuse to address his constraint and compromise?

Somebody's common sense is someone else's insanity We know!

silverlining48 if you scroll back to 21.43 yesterday, you'll see that it was me that mentioned ACAS, not Razzy and I mentioned it in the context of their advice 're bereavement leave.

Like I said Germanshepherdsmum, I make no apologies and yes I do understand responsibility. Perhaps it depends on perception. We have no knowledge of one another’s responsibilities do we……

1. What I find disturbing is that a husband and wife can’t sit together and talk it through.

2. The missing school thing is nonsense, as Maw says a couple of days of no school will not have a huge impact.

3. Clearly the work thing is pretty important but I repeat what I said in point 1. !

dogsmother you have no idea of my situation. Kindly refrain from making insulting comments about something you know nothing of and clearly don’t understand. Don’t insult me by talking about perception. I have spoken of reality. My reality. Which was and always will be very painful.

Hithere

Curly

Would you also refuse to address his constraint and compromise?

Sorry Hithere, not quite sure what you mean? Life is one big compromise; I'm very easygoing (my husband not so much), but there are certain things we both agree on: family comes first. Works for us.

In this case, the husband refuses to change the date of the funeral, a date he did not ask OP if she could attend.

Would you also refuse to change the date to accommodate your dh's needs?

No I wouldn’t

Would you also refuse to change the date to accommodate your dh's needs?

If it was because his mother had just died; yes.

This is about changing the date of the funeral if the boot was on the other foot, it was your mother and husband’s pressing work meeting as I understand it, hence I said I would not adopt the unreasonable stance OP’s husband has.

Hithere

In this case, the husband refuses to change the date of the funeral, a date he did not ask OP if she could attend.

Would you also refuse to change the date to accommodate your dh's needs?

No, personally I would probably reluctantly consider changing the date of the funeral. But, if I had made all the arrangements and told all those attending of the date, I would first ask if my partner could change the date of their work commitment. Arranging the funeral of a close relative is obviously a very emotional process; maybe the OPs husband just couldn't face going through the whole rigmarole again (I am sure I wouldn't). Yes, he should have consulted his wife before setting the date, but he didn't and the damage is done; even though he is 'at fault' I couldn't consider not attending my husband's mother's funeral.

Gosh, this whole thread has doubly reinforced my arranged plan not to have a funeral. Hallelujah!

Chewbacca yesterday mentioned ACAS and I was replying to that in my post yesterday. I never said anything about working for them - I don’t!

Are you sure?