Phone calls on Mother's Day

My late MIL told her three sons from an early age not to bother with Mother's Day. She didn't want them spending money on her. She said, "but you can be nice to me on the other 364 days of the year".

One son did messenger video call, another sent a text message say they will take me out when they next get time off work (working shifts and weekends mostly) the third sent me flowers. No cards in the post though but can't complain.

My girls (my daughters and my niece) always say happy mothers day and sometimes bring a little gift but my son never calls. This is not to say that he does not love me or care about me because I know that he does, he just does not think to do it, doesn’t do birthdays either.
You really shouldn’t be sad your children did not call, they texted so they were thinking of you. Young people have extremely busy lives and sometimes things slide bye, doesn’t mean they don’t love you

I do agree in principle that it would be nice to invite DiL round to make a fuss of her. We were not able to invite DiL and family round on Mothers Day because we had to travel a long way to visit our parents who may not have another Mother's Day.

Also, for the last two months we have been trying to arrange a meal with my son and DiL and they don't want to make plans! They don't make us welcome at their home and only want to see us if we pay for a fancy restaurant. At the last meal, they refused to have their photos taken with us and said they would "when it was natural", except there hasn't been a "natural" time because we haven't seen them for over two months despite trying! Our GC had a wonderful time at our home after the (posh meal) but despite them asking to see us again, our son and DiL have not obliged.

I know, they don't really value family or want to be seen with us. They just want to have their photo taken in places like The Ivy and post it online. It seems they'd like us to pay the bill while they avoid us and avoid anything to do with us apart from posh restaurants. I was hoping to be proved wrong by a caring and thoughtful gesture, but no - the opposite as my son actually said that every day should be about children.

My DiL doesnt answer messages any more and my son is just so disrespectful. We have done a lot for them, but it's one way. It would be nice to be invited round to their place or just to meet at the park, but they refuse to make any plans and I thought it was his mental health, but am starting to think he's just an A.H.

Thank goodness I have another son who's kind and thoughtful.

Younger people text all the time, they seldom use their phones for calls. We might not like it, but that's how it is. In fact I have to admit I often prefer texting to calling. You received a text - you were not forgotten- that's what's important.

My son always sends a card and flowers on Mother’s Day but makes no effort whatsoever to stay in touch, doesn’t ring on Mother’s Day, rarely calls at all and always by prearranged “appointment” made via email. His gesture is not appreciated because I think he only does it because he thinks it’s the done thing…I don’t really like him anymore and find myself less and less anguished by his uncaring attitude as the years go by - I have moved from deep hurt to not really caring any more. Sad, given we were very close when he was young.

I wouldn't mind just a text on Mother's Day if they actually made an hour to see us this year, even if it was at the park or anywhere.

When my daughter was eight she bought me a Mother's Day card that cost her the entire sum of her pocket money! I could see she was a bit upset with this, quite rightly, and we had the conversation about not buying into the Hallmark bullshit.
A kiss would suffice. She's 36 now and does get me nice things which I appreciate but they are random as she's seen something she knows I would like. She calls when she wants, which is often on her way home from work and we talk about all kinds of stuff. This is far nicer than feeling obligated to do so!

I have just been thinking "Actions speak louder than words".

If they even made half an hour to see us in the last few months that would have been kind. Instead they just avoid making plans and don't say why.

Lin663 I see what you mean about "the Done thing". I had no card, no gift- but I dont care about cards or gifts- if they would actually spend time with us this year that would have meant more than any gift.

It's sad, but I am beginning to see through them- that they only care about money and being seen by the right people, with the right people in the right places. We are redundant. I am beginning to see that.

I wouldn't be at all upset. Nowadays its all so commercial I issued a statement telling family no gifts, flowers for Mother's Day. They agreed, no flowers arrived. I did have a quick look at some flowers in a supermarket on Friday- £5 for 5 tulips, shocking.

What we have to remember is that whilst it's Mother's Day for us, it's also mother's Day for our dd and Dil. If I think back, when a child, I was very excited about treating my Mum all day. Perhaps we need to review our expectations?

I suppose what I have to remember is, that if my older son will not make an effort to even see me for half an hour or speak on the phone this year then Mother's Day isn't about me either.

In reverse, my younger son is good to me every day and for that I'm thankful. It matters how you're treated all the time more than gifts on one day of the year.

Big hug - then big girl pants. It's your life - do your own thing. Best advice I ever had was, to keep happy - keep busy. No good waiting for people to live up to your ideal of them. (Been there and done it often).

I have young friends who only ever text.. I wouldn't take it as not caring...

To clarify that, my older son has refused to make any plans with me this year or speak to me on the phone - not even once in 2022.

If I was his wife, I'd encourage him to make an effort with his Mother to set a good example to the children of how you treat your Mother. I have always done this with my husband, do as you would be done by, I say. Kids are watching, learning all the time. What goes around...

I had cards from three of mine and a FT call from my eldest, who is in the US, where it wasn’t Mothers Day. I didn’t speak to any of the others though there were messages on our chat group.

I have to say, it would drive me potty if my DC phoned me several times a day!

I received nothing from my three daughters, no phone calls, cards even though I was in hospital. That hurts

I agree it is a load of commercial hoo ha! I got a phone call from one who said he had posted his card first class on Friday, it arrived today Monday, never mind the thought was there, he also offered to take me for a meal when I next see him, I know he will do his best to direct me to Waggamama's because that's where he likes to eat My other son hand delivered his card and his children's card plus a bunch of flowers, I'm just happy when they think of me, so no complaints.

So sorry Boheminan that's sad , especially as you were in hospital!

It is a lot of "commercial hoo-ha" but it's also true that a small gift or token of love can mean a lot. It's been a hard year for everyone. I would happily go without a gift if he would actually make time (even half an hour) to see me. But, in the absence of actual "presence" a present would have been something

Mother's Day does focus the mind on not having our own mothers anymore. When I went through my mothers papers after she died she'd kept one particular mother's day card from me which she told me she loved, picture of a tabby cat who was a dead ringer of "our" cat who I'd acquired as a kitten when I was a child. We both doted on him. I miss not buying a Mother's Day Card.

This thread has made me feel better. I’ve been a bit upset about having just received a text from one of my daughter’s. She sent it at just before 7pm. That is in the context of very little contact from her at all!

When I woke yesterday morning my first thought was 'Oh dear, it's Mother's Day!' Over the years I have grown to dislike this annual ritual, in particular the expensive cards, flowers and chocolates and general commercialism of what used to be a simple Christian event.

Two of our sons rarely send cards or gifts, and a visit means a 200 mile round trip. So I'm more than happy with just a phone call, just hearing their voices is lovely. They called yesterday. The third one visited with his family and brought expensive flowers and chocolates. It was kind of them but I just wish they had spent the money on themselves and just popped round with the kids as usual.

I must sound very ungrateful. I'm not really. It will be the same for Father's Day and our birthdays. I guess I'm just not keen on these 'special' days which seem to have become so important now.

I do still have my Mum and I made a big effort for her and for my Mother in law. Both are very elderly. I was happy to spend the time.

In the past I've spent time making gifts and I've had comments from my sister like "Oh it must be nice to have the time!" ( No, I made time)

My son and DiL know I do a lot for my Mum and MiL, but they chose not to make any effort for them either. I ended up buying extra gifts and writing their names on, from them to my my Mother and MiL, because I am ashamed that my son and DiL are so uncaring to everyone. I did not tell them that I gave gifts on their behalf, this, but it made their Grandma's happy so I have no regrets.

My AC both visited on Saturday with gifts and cards. But they are both Mums too and I did not expect to see them on Mothering Sunday. I messaged them to thanks them again on Sunday morning for the lovely gifts and cards and I wished them both a Happy Mothers Day.

I totally agree with you DiscoDancer1974.

.