A.i.b.u to not give adult child advice

Keeping a promise she made is not allowing daughter to bully her.

She is goiNg to need to sit down and right a list of all the flat outgoings. Does she even know about Council Tax? The energy bills will be high. Luckily she is sharing with her boyfriend but you wouldn’t want her getting into arrears or even debt with pay day loans. A girl that age will be spending a great deal of money on herself, clothes, nails, hair etc none of which will be possible on a low wage if she wants to live independently. Encourage her and give her confidence, it’s a learning curve and a fast way to grow up,

but she doesn't want any advice. so don't give it.

Yes, I'd give her the 500 as promised but would find a good link to say, Martin's Money Tips and send it after she's gone with a message saying something like "I found this helpful, maybe you might be interested". Then I'd sigh a big sigh of relief that she's gone!
If you are concerned about her knowledge of bills you could ask her if it would be useful to have a list of who to notify of her change of address? My daughter would have accepted this kind of help so I then wouldn't mention it again. I'd start a list with things that matter to her - eg driving license and phone and put council and utilities in the middle!

Good luck.
It will be lovely to have your home back!

My son went through this sudden growing up phase in his second year of University when he went into a house share. He found he was the one one who had to sort out all the utility suppliers, etc. I introduced him to Top Cashback which gave him a little extra. He didn't draw the money until the end of the year which always gave him a little comfort cushion for unexpected bills. Although he is good natured, there were times when he found all the information we were giving him a little overwhelming so we stepped back, let him research and he just ran things by us if there was a problem.
I would offer to help with a list of things to do if your daughter wants one but I wouldn't presume to just hand her one because that suggests that you assume your daughter doesn't know these things. It may be that she and her boyfriend have discussed all this and don't need your input.

I do think going to Uni helps. My daughter moved into her Uni house earlier than the others, and had to deal with several utility companies before they moved in.

Shandy57, I was also impressed by the collaboration by the members of the house. My son has just taken on his third tenancy agreement and they have set up WhatsApp groups and are sharing out responsibilities. We are no longer part of the advice team.

My daughter had to deal with a rather horrible problem - one of the male tenants allowed his girlfriend to move in early too. She refused to pay her share of the 'early' water bill and my daughter had to be very assertive. Kids!

While I understand the reasoning behind the "token board" that she has been paying you, I don't think it has done her any favours. I assume she has got used to a nice heated home with mod cons and her meals provided for a small sum, and has no concept of how much renting her flat will cost. I rather like the idea that parents should take a reasonable amount of noard and then save it for her if you don't need it. I used to pay board to my parents feom my benefits when I was young and unemployed but Mum would often slip it back to me if she knew I needed something like new shoes. But she also knew I rarely went out and wasn't frittered away what I had left!!

I'd give the £500 already promised - I assume as a gift. But if she wants more in the future and you want to help then perhaps a loan.

I'd give her the money she needs , £500 and the shortfall just to say au revoir and goodbye.
She'll soon have to learn how to budget when she's not living at home with you and once she moves out she's no longer your responsibility. I know she shouldn't be but when adult children still live in the family home it still feels like they are , to us and them .
I've got too adult sons living here , they pay rent and save but also spend spend spend .
I love them , but I do wish they could afford to leave ?

Riggie, we charged a reasonable amount and then put it away so that we could give it back when the said child left home. The only one of mine, who has struggled enormously with debt, left at 18 to live with her grandmother for several years. She was allowed to keep all of her very generous pay, had debts paid off when she still managed to overspend and was just hopeless with money. She always had to have the best of everything. She learned her lesson many years later when she wracked up £30,000 of debt and nobody would bail her out. She still struggles but hopefully it is a lesson well learned.

She is 23. She doesn’t need to be dictated to and questioned on her spending. She has saved some by living at home so you have helped her in that respect. Give her the money you promised and let her go. You will then enable her to stand on her own two feet and learn what it is to be a responsible adult. I wouldn’t bail her out in future however.

No one ever helped me when I was messing stuff up from 16 to 50, not once did my mum or any of my friends ever sit me down and give me any help or advice so I would offer once you’ve both had a few days to step back from the anger to help go through things and see how far off her deposit she realistically is.
I so wish someone had sat me down and told me a few home truths….even though I know I’d have tried to be cool and shrugged it off, it would have helped