Mumsnetter asking AIBU about Childcare from GPs

I think one of the things the mumsnet OP seemed to be most sad about when was that her parents had not reassured her that they did adore their grandchild. That was an assumption she had made (which seems reasonable) but was now questioning, I think.

Anya said: "I've come to the conclusion that there are those of us who find it a joy and a privilege to look after our grandchildren and those who find it a tiring imposition".

Whilst I am very happy to look after my grandson two days a week from 8.30 to 7.00, I recognise that not everyone has the health or stamina to do this and I think Anya's comment was smug and insensitive. As other gransnetters have suggested, a person can adore their grandchildren and wish to be fully involved in their care but may sadly be unable to do it. Alternatively, they may have been hardworking, wonderful parents themselves who now have the time to do all the things that they couldn't do when they were parents of young children.

In the case of the mumsnet OP, it was unwise of the parents to moan behind their daughter's back but you don't know the daughter - whether she is particularly "touchy" or unreasonable. I expect all of us at some time have behaved unwisely and said things we ought not to have said to someone we ought not to have said them to. Or perhaps there are saints among us.

On a slightly different tack, it seems to me that ordinary people are supposed to bend over backwards to facilitate employers. In the "old days", I recall that if I needed to go to the doctors I would simply inform my employer and see my doctor at the beginning or end of the day. It appears that it is no longer acceptable for employees to be granted time off to visit the doctors. Instead, GPs have to be open all hours - including weekends - so that employees do not inconvenience their employers by having time off to see their doctors. Similarly, grandparents must be "on call" at all times to look after the children of employees. I think we are being conned left right and centre. What about medium/large employers (I'm not talking about small employers) actually providing crèche facilities, as they do in some other countries?

I don't think Anya's post was smug or insensitive Eloethan, or perhaps I'm missing something. She didn't seem to suggest everyone must be at one extreme or the other, just that some people were and neither could convince the other. And of course there are those who are not able to offer childcare for some reason but I think it is safe to assume they might also see it 'as a joy and a privilege'.

Not everything on here needs to be read as a personal attack

Eloethan Doctors'opening times and the 24/7 culture is a whole new can of worms, isn't it.
As an employer, albeit a very small one, I was required by law to allow employees reasonable time off to go the the doctor etc.
At the same time I was under increasing pressure to extend my own opening hours so that other people's employees could attend outside their own working hours .
I'm not sure where this pressure for extended opening hours came from. I'm not convinced it came from patients.
I was once given an appointment to see my doctor at 7.45 am. I reluctantly accepted because I was already retired and could have attended at any time.
The health centre was deserted except for one receptionist and the doctor, and I couldn't help thinking it wasn't a very good use of resources to have all those facilities in use just to see one patient who didn't need an early appointment, just to fulfil a Government decree about opening hours.

Re nightowl's last post, and anya's yesterday about "convincing" people. As I see it, there is no convincing to do, just an acceptance of a number of viewpoints as varied in detail as people's personal circumstances. As I see it, there are no "shoulds" or "shouldn'ts" about grandparents caring for grandchildren. That means parents cannot assume that their children's grandparents can do childcare. It's great if they can. It's greater if doing it doesn't tire them out or make them feel taken for granted.

So I still think the mumsnet OP had unreasonable expectations and that's why she ended up being disappointed by her parents. Her expectations were unreasonable for them. In another family things would be different. There is no "other things being equal" in subjects like this. Other things aren't equal.

Of course there's no convincing to be done thatbags and of course there's an acceptance of different viewpoints. I don't think anyone has argued otherwise

OK, nightowl. I must have misinterpreted anya's post of 14:22 yesterday. It seems some other people did too. As we know, print can be difficult when one doesn't get the tone of voice or facial expressions.

Seems my "fine mind" didn't serve me well in that instance

What I find refreshing and reassuring on Mumsnet on this thread at any rate, is how the vast majority of the younger mums do not see GPs as a source of free childcare and are telling OP to take reonsibility for her own child! Given how many of us have expressed reservations regarding sleepovers/regular or taxing granny duties or the sheer exhaustion of trying to be supergran it is good to know our DDs understand more than we might think.

Yes indeed - the Mums clearly have a proper understanding of the situation in the main and it is good to hear that so many treat their parents with such respect.

I feel the same way Nightowl with my GC, I get GC withdrawal symptoms if I don't see my six GC.

My last stint of four day a week babysitting regularly finished in September. I still babysit but wasn't tied to a regular routine and DD2 has other help if needed. At the moment I am visiting DS and family in Qld over Christmas and he has asked if I could stay on possibly six months or more while he studies every night and weekends to increase his qualifications. My DIL has a newish business and works until around 7pm. I am happy to help, living next door to DD2 means I can go off and do what I like and they look after the house and garden while I am away. I said okay, I let DD2 know don't expect me anytime soon. DS said he is going to tell his sisters he has enticed me with cycling every day (which I love), good weather and board games .

The only thing is I will miss a lot of my last GD at the age of three, I love that age, they are past the baby stage and I will be sad to not be there. Plus my own house to have some time to myself. The great thing is I will be able to spend more time with my two GSs who I have spent less time with.

Recently my SIL was late home and I suspected he was at the pub, I was tired and wanted to go home. I sent him a message and told him to tell his friends that his MIL was about to leave and he had to go. He took it well, he has done a lot for me, restoring the house I live in, new walls, ceilings, kitchen and bathroom. It does work both ways.