Gransnet forums

Ask a gran

Page 9 of 9 | First | Previous | Next | Last
| Flip | Customise |

So confused and Angry

(205 Posts)
Add comment | Report
Littlepig66 Sun 18-Oct-15 17:29:27

Hi ladies,

I hope you are all well and enjoying the joys of grandparenting! Ive come again for more advice because im just so confused ( look at my previous post for history).

I tried to take all you lovely ladies advice and in the end i decided it would hurt my husband too much to cut his parents off, but that we would keep our distance and contact would be low as it is has been which is easy as we live in another country but we have our boundaries etc which have to be upheld.

Fast forward and i feel so angry i could explode, we visited in summer and while things were cordial and everyone was nice to everyones face....our wishes were ignored and disrespected. For example they asked to have a bbq so friends and family could see the baby, ii told them ofcourse but that due to general routine it would be better for lunch time....nothing was said till the actual day and the bbq was organised for 6pm!!! I felt rude for having to put my baby to bed but this is only the small things.......

Getting to the point, we have told everyone that it is best that they visit us diring school holidays- we are both teachers and so have time off and routine can be more relaxed.....we were told that it wasnt a good time for ny in-laws to come then and so they gave dates they wanted to come which dont suit us....but my fil asked "what else would you be doing that we cant come?" When my husband replied that he had to check with me to make sure we had no plans my fil acted like a bully......he said to him that "i can come and visit when i want".......i mean seriously?????? We are 2 grown adults with a very busy day to day life anf we dont have a close relationship with them.

We offered alternative dates but none were good, so we gave in, but i cant help thinking that we shoukdnt have because we were bullied into it and really we dont want them here then.

Sorry for the rant, just feeling very frustrated and annoyed and im just totally clueless of what to do next.....

Fast forward a

Add comment | Report
ffinnochio Wed 21-Oct-15 18:31:08

Just take charge L66. Give them the dates of a week when you are available. Or even several options. Be clear. If they are unable to make it, then so it is, and just get on with your life. I suspect they will soon get the message and decide to fit in with your plans and arrangements. Good luck!

Add comment | Report
Grannieanne Thu 22-Oct-15 11:54:28

When I had to I used to use what I think is 'reverse psychology' on my MIL. In your situation I'd say 'Oh, it'll be great to have you here during term time - we'll save a fortune in child care, and it'll be lovely for baby to really get to know you both properly'. I'd lay on a bit thick about how busy we are during holidays with things like visits to Santa, Pantomimes etc (when appropriate) I'm sure you can think of lots of things to do in the other hols too. In the barbeque situation I'd've said how lovely it would be for DH and I to have an evening with someone else there to look after baby. My MIL was always terrified of being left alone with my two (come to that, so was I occasionally)
Best of luck, anyway.

Add comment | Report
Judthepud2 Thu 22-Oct-15 13:50:58

Erm apparently I have been involved in this thread confused !! Really*Jane10*? Or was that a little slip of autocorrect? I have just picked up the thread as I have been away for a while and was surprised to see I was supposed to be having problems with PiLs. No, they have been dead for over 15 years sad

Nor have I been acting as a mediator...

In fact I am not involved in this thread at all, but for what it is worth, as a MIL 4 times over I would never impose myself on my family unless I had cleared it with them first. I am the daughter of a teacher and was one myself in adult education and know how busy teachers' lives are during term time. I feel it is unreasonable for these PILs to impose at that particular time. If they have already been told that this doesn't suit, I would suggest OP and her DH just show how really busy they are by NOT changing their routine. The PILs if they have any empathy at all should help out, not demand to be looked after.

Add comment | Report
Alea Thu 22-Oct-15 14:24:12

Please can someone write a DNR notice at the head of this thread's bed?
It never warranted the NINE pages of posts which it "inspired" mostly going round in circles as good advice was ignored and more pleas for sympathy came winging in from all sides.
Not getting at you Jud, of course you want to put the record straight, but there have been other posts which looked decidedly inflammatory and it is all a bit wearisome. smile

Page 9 of 9 | First | Previous | Next | Last
| Flip | Customise |