Gransnet forums

Ask a gran

Dummy debate

(69 Posts)
etheltbags1 Sat 28-May-16 13:21:00

It is a constant source of argument in my family about the dummy. DD allows DGD to have it for bed or for times of great stress, Paternal gran forbids it anytime, Dad couldn't care less, I say that if she needs it she should have it and will discard it when she feels ready. I allow it anytime but respect DD wishes that she doesn't have it in public places, just in the car. Opinions please

Alea Sat 28-May-16 13:48:40

"Paternal gran forbids........"!! ??

No comment.

hildajenniJ Sat 28-May-16 13:50:06

Neither of mine or the GC have used dummies. They preferred their thumbs. DS sucked his until he was 8 years old, and then stopped himself.

kittylester Sat 28-May-16 13:53:03

Quite Alea!!

We didn't give any of ours a dummy but having had 2DGC with colic I say, whatever works, works!

ninathenana Sat 28-May-16 13:53:28

I find that quiet shocking too Alea

Not her child therefore not her decision.
I did the same as child's mum. Mine happily gave theirs up even for sleeping at about 2 y.o.

dramatictessa Sat 28-May-16 13:58:24

Why is there an argument? It's up to the parents. Paternal gran should butt out! I don't like dummies, but my GS had one till a couple of months ago, for bed and when he was really upset, and it really helped to calm him. But - stop arguing, and do what the parents want.

cornergran Sat 28-May-16 14:11:50

Indeed! Parents choice every time.

Jenty61 Sat 28-May-16 17:21:55

sorry but had to laugh 'arguing over a dummy'!!! 😂

as others say its up to the parents...

etheltbags1 Sat 28-May-16 20:14:02

Im happy to go along with what the parents want but the 'other gran' makes her own rules and DD tries to avoid conflict so pretends to go along with her

Treebee Sat 28-May-16 20:14:49

I don't like dummies but for some babies and in some circumstances they can quiet and calm a baby.
If they haven't found a thumb, a blanket edge, or something else to suck then a dummy may be the answer.
Just don't let them walk around and try to talk with a dummy in their mouth when they could have grown out of them.

Indinana Sat 28-May-16 20:27:11

I don't really like to see toddlers out and about with a dummy. My 2 GS both had them, and went out with them, but obviously I never voiced an opinion - totally none of my business. The very idea of a GP forbidding one leaves me speechless shock. People have been cut off from their GC for less!

Leticia Sat 28-May-16 20:39:20

I would just go with DD.

NanSue Sat 28-May-16 21:13:49

DGD has hers when she's very tired, upset or in need of comfort for whatever reason. Not a problem. Parents rule.

NanaandGrampy Sat 28-May-16 22:46:09

Having just spent 3 weeks in the company of two of our grandsons, one aged 2 that has a dummy I can say I really do dislike them.

In my opinion they should be left in the bed/cot and only used in the bedtime routine or if the child is poorly.

My little grandson speaks poorly because he does so with a dummy in his mouth and talks round it. Sometimes he even seems to forget when it's not in his mouth and makes the same sounds. Yet a few hours without it and he speaks much more clearly.

My daughter knows how I feel about it, we're close and discuss this type of thing easily but whilst he is in her care it's her rules. She plans to start weaning him off his dummy now they are home. She freely agrees though, in my house, my rules and to be fair to the little chap he rarely asks for it when with me. We talk all the time and I encourage him to talk back.

Thingmajig Sat 28-May-16 23:55:13

Our DGD uses a dummy (on advice from hospital when she was discharged) in bed and in the car, she takes it out whenever she gets up/out the car but knows exactly where she leaves it! I notice she sometimes ignores it in the car now though. smile

The plan is that her Xmas elf will take them all away, by which time she'll be newly 3.

I'm not keen on dummies really but it's better than thumb-sucking, and it's not up to me anyway!

rubylady Sun 29-May-16 03:37:19

My daughter had a dummy and would settle happily for sleep with it. My son, however, didn't and wanted me all the time and a breast feed to get him off to sleep. Exhausting really.

I bought dummies when my ED was pregnant, just in case, but got told in no uncertain terms that the baby wasn't having a dummy. Oh well, more money wasted.

etheltbags1 Sun 29-May-16 08:00:33

It may have been misconstrued when I said that the other gran has forbidden dummies. She has forbidden them in her house or out and about while DGD is with her but obviously when she goes home then Mum rules. Im always happy to go along with whatever my daughter says and I always ask permission to do anything out of the ordinary or to give DGD any foods that she may not have had before.
Other gran never asks she assumes she has the right to make her own rules where her grandchild is concerned. Not my business, I just get concerned that different rules may confuse

Marmark1 Sun 29-May-16 08:36:44

Good grief! She's brave.
Personally I don't like them,mine didn't have one,neither do GC.But if they needed one they probably would have been given one.

Pigglywiggly Sun 29-May-16 09:06:29

I hate dummies with a passion, but both DGC and most of our foster GC have had them and I certainly don't think it is my place to deprive a baby of a dummy if it is used to it. shock

annemac101 Sun 29-May-16 09:08:44

Not really GP's place to say she can't have it. My e she Avery rarely looks after DGD. It was my MIL who actually gave me DS a dummy. My firstborn and she had him for about an hour,my first time leaving him and she sent her hubby to the chip shop to buy a dummy. I was so upset ( I was 24 at the time) . So mum's rules stay and that way no family feuds. After all they are our DGC and not our babies.

Pamaga Sun 29-May-16 09:09:38

I don't like them although my son had one which he gave up at 18 months. My daughter had a 'ba', a piece of flanelette sheet which she carried around, and never needed a dummy. My grandson has one but is gradually doing without it (apart from at bedtime). He is 20 months and I imagine he will be off it at two. It is a matter of parental choice. They know their children's needs better than anyone. Grandparents should butt out!

Wilks Sun 29-May-16 09:09:41

Neither of mine had them but I wonder now if I was wrong as they both had colic. Grandson had one as is the custom in Brazil. I think he continued with it for too long but not my business. Knowing about language development I gave them the benefit of my experience, but they ignored it! Language and teeth OK. He gave it up eventually I did catch him looking longingly at some in a shop the other day. ' those are for big boys' he informed us. No chance, sunshine.

Elizabeth1 Sun 29-May-16 09:10:37

Our youngest grandchild has a cloth rabbit with 4-5 dummy's individually held on with Velcro. What fun he has when he removes each one from the rabbit then we've to put them back. He uses his dummy as and when but definitely at sleepy time. They are great soothers. No longer any serious hygiene there and he'll get rid of them when he's ready. smile his older brother sucked a cloth rabbit until it was time when get felt he no longer needed it. His mum and dad had a half dozen. I can still see them lined up on my radiator to dry.

annemac101 Sun 29-May-16 09:10:55

Can't edit my message . Second sentence should say " I imagine she rarely looks after DGC. Spellchecker is a pain!

Nelliemoser Sun 29-May-16 09:12:43

My DD tried with DGS1 as he was a right miserable baby for the first few months but neither GC took to them. (He's a jolly little boy now.)

If the baby is a really poor sleeper you will probabaly try anything to get a good sleep.
I really dislike seeing toddlers with them out and about.