Dummy debate

I hate dummies and would not have dreamt of using them with my children. Fortunately I have not had to face how to deal with it as none of my grandchildren have had them. I get very upset when I see mothers with children with dummies unable to talk while their carers chat away with each other. I think it must delay children's speech development.

One of mine didn't, because she (babies) wouldn't tolerate them. Other had hers until the dummy fairy needed it. Once they were sitting up when we went out, dummies became home only equipment. Some GC did, others not. One grandchild sucked her thumb, and still does in her teens! I'd go for dummies over thumb every time because of that.
The 'my house, my rules' is occasionally useful for me, e.g. No hoods up in the house, close the bathroom door properly, not just push casually, stay at the table and make conversation till everyone has finished, but though I only use it when GC are staying or sleeping over and they don't even need reminding when their parents are there. That's good because I'm not sure I brave/foolish enough to insist on 'my rules' in front of my children and their spouses.

As a retired speech and language professional, I need to tell you that dummies are damaging. Not only do they hinder speech acquisition in several ways, they allow etn infections.
Best never to introduce one. Restrict them to bed time if they are used.
They give the impression that you expect the child to be silent!!

Both mine had dummies for settling didn't need them outside both spoke early gd had one for bed others suck fingers or thumb think this habit is hard to stop dummies get thrown . Hate to see them when child is happily playing ?‍?‍?‍??

My mum always boasted that she brought up 5 of us and never needed a dummy-she considers them to be unhygienic etc etc. BUT my second son was seriously ill and the hospital advised me to get him one - he was a complete dummy addict! Strangely enough son no.1 would never take one. If the baby is happy, everybody is happy!BTW my mum never complained when my son had his dummy!

My eldest had colic and a dummy was my sanity saver. He only needed it until he was 3 months old. My youngest would have had bottles constantly (adopted so not breastfed) unless she had her pacifier (dummy). I took it away when she was 10 months old and she didn't seem to miss it.
I was strongly anti dummy BC (Before Children) but learnt quickly that it's important for your sanity to be adaptable.

Never undermine daughter or DIL, go along with their wishes. Discourage use when they are unecessary so as not to impair speech development and let them have them if they need comfort or sleep. Not an issue that should cause friction. I lived with my in laws when first married for the first six months of my son's life, it was made very clear to me to keep him quiet. So much so that I walked miles every day to find a home for us, which thankfully I achieved 6 months later. They were good people but made me feel we should be seen and not heard.

I get the "My house, my rules" idea. But I don't think it's wise to veer from a parent's specific rules for their child, as I think it can cause too much confusion and stress. For example, if the parents said, "no sugar," I wouldn't go ahead and just give the kid sugar "cuz they're in MY house." Also, when my grands sleep over, I adhere to their regular bedtime and so on. These things, IMO, aren't "house rules," like the "no hoods" rule that adaunas mentions, but childcare rules - and childcare choices are up to the parents.

If I really felt strongly that I couldn't allow a dummy or whatever, I would decline to babysit and only see the child with their parents present. As a parent, if someone felt they couldn't follow my rules for my child in their home, I would understand and respect that. But I wouldn't turn to them for babysitting.

However, that, too, is a parental choice. Since DD seems content to have the PGM babysit and has even accepted that they have different rules about the dummy, then that's that. While I don't think PGM should be interfering in DD's decisions about her child, IMO, it's DD's choice to let her (or maybe DD can't help it if she has no other reasonable childcare options).

I know what I'd say to paternal GM if I were your DD...it's too rude to say on here! How very dare she!

Forbids! I am shocked she is over stepping the mark by a mile her DSand DIL must be very easy going .

Hate them with a passion - think a blanket or soft toy does the trick and doesn't harm growing teeth. In my opinion, they're simply an addictive habit that can be avoided. HOWEVER, I say all this as someone who breastfed then weaned her children without resort to artificial teats in any form and having watched my daughter struggle to feed twins & have to use formula in the end & then (successfully) use dummies to calm & soothe the children when distressed, I wonder if they are a necessary (short term) evil under those circs? I still hated their use when the children were with us but as other posters have agreed, the children's mum is ultimately i/c of what's best for her own.

Agree that it is parental choice. None of my DCs or DGCs had one but did have and do have a range of cuddly toys and blankets for soothing at times of stress.

I do hate to see children of 3 or 4 walking around with dummies in their mouths. It seems unnatural. Children of that age should be chattering away. The combination of a child with a dummy in the mouth and the parent constantly on their mobile phone makes me shudder.

I'm always amazed that other people rather than the parents even have an opinion on this, surely it's up to the parents entirely?

I too dislike dummies. Fortunately my grand daughter - just 2 - only has hers at bedtime/ nap time. All my 4 sucked thumbs and the 41 year old still does when she thinks no one is looking. As they say "you can throw away a dummy but not a thumb"

I have no idea what right any grandparent has to make decisions about dummies, food, bedtimes or anything else ! These are matters for the child's parents. If I'm looking after my grandchildren we abide by parents rules. I would not dream of "forbidding" something which parents allow.

Some of my GC had dummies, others didn't. It was none of my business to comment, though I'd never given them to either of my DSs. The ones who had dummies all outgrew them in due course and developed perfectly normally. One thing I have observed is that children who have had dummies are likely to outgrow them earlier than thumb suckers abandon that habit. Thumb sucking also, from my experience of members of my family, distorts the growth of the front teeth.

Iv had two children one loved dummy one never bothered with it its definatly personal choice as long as u start to wean them off it by about two yr old I think it's fine I personally don't like to see older childre with them

Surely this is an issue for parents, not grandparents - parents set the rules and grandparents need to follow those decisions, whatever their personal opinions.

My six year old granddaughter sucks her thumb when tired as did my children. Two year old grandson was given a dummy because parents didn't want him to be a thumb sucker too. When we look after them they thumb suck, dummy suck, stroke blankets when tired, it soothes and calms them. I wouldn't remove any of these items, particularly if they are staying the night. It's not our place as grandparents to ban either. They will grow out of it sometime

One of the new things I was recently reading about babies, is that the powers that be now say, that babies should be given a dummy as it keeps the airways open and prevents cot death. Dummies certainly haven't done any harm to my DD four children.

I forgot to add that I didn't like the look of dummies when I had children and mine were thumb suckers and cloth strokers, it went on for quite a while, they don't do it now aged 26 and 30 Even though I still don't like dummies, I don't think a grandparent should take it upon themselves to ban a dummy if that's what their gc has become dependent on, it's entirely up to the parent/s.

How many times I have read such posts on many forums.

It's up to the parents, end of.....

I've yet to see how a dummy has affected speech or teeth even though my own children and their children have had them.

I believe in anything that gives a child the comfort he/she needs, when they need it.

I try very hard to be indifferent about dummies but deep down inside I really dislike them and didn't use them with my children. Sadly DD and her OH gave one to our GS. He is nearly 2 now and I do wish they would wean him off it soon.

I can understand it being used for sleeping or comfort but they plug it in whenever he's in the car, for no apparent reason. That's where I won't go along with them; he never has a dummy when I'm driving him anywhere on my own.

What really worries me now is that up until recently he never bothered about not having it but now he's started asking for it when he's in his car seat and grizzles for a while when he doesn't get it. Then he cheers up and is fine for the whole journey.

I long to ask my DD why they are encouraging/reinforcing a habit which will have to be broken (hopefully)fairly soon, but don't, in the interest of maintaining a good relationship!

I think the OP's co-gran is being obnoxiously interfering. Very sad that such a little thing is a cause of bother in the family, though.

My daughter used to get car sick. Giving her a dummy in the car meant she would drift off to sleep and waken up on arrival so, of course, she was given one.

I really get cross when people get sanctimonious about something that really is no concern of theirs. Especially when they feel that they "must" pass on the benefit of their "knowledge". Right...... interfering more like.

Poor parents, they want to have the approval of their own parents, I am sure, but there are so many stresses upon young mums and dads these days. "We would never had done that in my day" re sleeping position, dummies, who knows what? Leave them alone. No child ever suffered long term damage through (e.g.) a dummy.

We've had our time with our own babies and most survived. Offer practical help, not criticism if you want to be a positive influence and not be someone to be dreaded.

Certainly not for the grandparents to decide! This is a decision for the parents and we grandparents should respect their choices.
Surely this thread is about respecting the parents' wishes rather than a debate on the pros and cons of dummies.