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Dummy debate

(70 Posts)
etheltbags1 Sat 28-May-16 13:21:00

It is a constant source of argument in my family about the dummy. DD allows DGD to have it for bed or for times of great stress, Paternal gran forbids it anytime, Dad couldn't care less, I say that if she needs it she should have it and will discard it when she feels ready. I allow it anytime but respect DD wishes that she doesn't have it in public places, just in the car. Opinions please

inishowen Sun 29-May-16 12:02:17

My three year old grandson always had a dummy in his mouth. Then he suddenly decided he didn't want it any more. He went cold turkey, not even having it at night. He also discarded his "blankie" at the same time. I would never interfere in my grandchildren's upbringing. I will do whatever the parent decides.

almonds Sun 29-May-16 13:46:18

I follow the parents' rules about the dummy. Don't particularly like dummies but they serve a function. I follow the parents' rules when granddaughter with me but found out they didn't follow their own rules!

mrshat Sun 29-May-16 14:09:32

Parents'rules - 'nuff said!!

rosesarered Sun 29-May-16 14:18:30

Dummies are better than thumbs ( for the teeth) but try and ditch them by about 2 years old.Should be parents rules, not grandparents.

sluttygran Sun 29-May-16 15:13:35

I've never seen hard evidence of any child being damaged, or having dental problems from using a dummy, and I'm all in favour of them - much better than a fretful infant! Babies love to suck,and it encourages good jaw development. Unlike cave-woman, today's mum can't walk round all day with junior hanging off the nipple, so a dummy is an excellent substitute.
Having said that, I hate to see older babies and toddlers out in public with dummies stuck in their gobs - it's really not necessary, and it goes without saying that the dummy should be clean. I've seen some 'orrible, filthy examples in my time! shock

Alima Sun 29-May-16 15:24:43

www.facebook.com/300530023415519/videos/749069881894862/

Slightly different take on a pacifier, if it works that is!

Luckygirl Sun 29-May-16 16:06:52

I never used one but one of my DDs did and it helped enormously. The only problem that arose was that if his dummy came out while he was sleeping during the night he could not retrieve it and put it back in himself when he was small - so a parent had to get up and re-install it!

It appears to have done him no harm; and it helped him through a difficult patch.

Parents' decision - not our place to even comment. Why would we?

hopeful1 Sun 29-May-16 16:24:32

Parents rule. I look after my GC a lot but try very hard to abide by my daughter's rules for the children. It stops any conflict and the GC do not play off one against the other. Works for us all.

britgran Sun 29-May-16 16:55:18

Our 18mnth old GD has one all the time and our 1week old GD was given one immediately, I hate dummies but it up to the parents not us, we try to always stick to the parents rules ( apart from ice cream and chocolate ) smile

jogginggirl Sun 29-May-16 17:11:58

Definitely parent's rules.... my gd had one which helped with her reflux problems.... it took a long time for her to give it up but she has no problems with teeth or speech... in fact she never stops talking ..LOL

It's a dummy for goodness sake - there are worse things ??

Flowerofthewest Sun 29-May-16 19:17:05

It's not the grandparents' business to allow or not allow

JanT8 Sun 29-May-16 20:58:10

Really?? Does any of this matter?? How many pre-teens do you see with a dummy or sucking their thumb?
Our daughter had a dummy (she's 41 now) , never allowed it in the day, only for naps and bedtime and our son was a thumb sucker, with one of Dad's hankies as a 'tickler'.
As our daughter approached her 3rd Christmas she was told that if Father Christmas' fairies saw her with a dummy then she would only receive baby presents. Dummy was duly binned!!
Our son continued a bit longer with his thumb, but also only for naps and at bedtime; the hanky wasn't a problem, as it could be the first one dried on the line or one straight out of my husband's drawer. He had his 3rd birthday before he relinquished both, but no big trauma for either. The parents are the ones with authority surely??
For me, the worst thing is seeing an articulate toddler, out and about with Mum/Dad and 'talking' around a dummy!

dorsetpennt Mon 30-May-16 08:24:10

Paternal Grandparent forbids it ??? None of their business. The only way I'd step in was if my DCs were in danger, being hurt etc. How the parents bring up their children is up to them. If they ask for help offer it. Otherwise mind your own.

Gran2014 Mon 30-May-16 09:50:47

Dummies are dreadful : they inhibit speech-development, look appalling on little faces ( as if some horrendous plastic insect has landed ) and ensure that a child is only pacified if its mouth is full.

What a price we're paying now for a lazy American import in the 60's. Do let's encourage mothers to let their children babble - or even grizzle. The best comfort they can give is a cuddle and the best parenting doesn't always mean parents get peace and quiet when they want it..........

Just think of what's it's like to be a baby........ if you were upset, would you like a lump of plastic pushed into your mouth ? ....and later, when you wanted to start to talk, that lump of plastic made it impossible ?....worse, would you like to be dependent on that piece of plastic for a sense of security ?

Children are now starting school carting along their awful dummies. Please use all your influence to stop something which has long term pain for short term gain.

trisher Mon 30-May-16 10:45:00

I think your DD should make her own decisions eb1. There is evidence that they do cause dental problems, but these are minimized if the dummy is removed before 2. There are some benefits for very young babies. For an excellent,balanced viewpoint from a paediatric dental consultant who has her own children ask her to read www.toothfairyblog.org/will-using-a-dummy-damage-my-childs-teeth/
We all have emotional responses to dummies which sometimes affect our judgements.
"imports in the sixties" Gran2014? I seem to remember my mum talking about dummies way before that.

etheltbags1 Mon 30-May-16 22:37:55

my DD does try but the other gran is very overpowering and backed up by her son who is Daddy. The other gran also allows chocolate by the bagful (family size) and DD has tried to hint she doesn't want her daughter eating lots of chocolate. It just goes on forever. The dummy was allowed today as DGD had a nose bleed and was very distressed.

jogginggirl Tue 31-May-16 00:06:04

This seems more like a control/power issue from M-I-L ...? Now, I know that many of us are M-I-L's - My d-i-l is an ex.... but I follow every instruction, I adhere to all requests and I have the pleasure of my beautiful g/d every second weekend and any other time I would like.... If you want to see your g/c - then button it - trust me it's worth it! I take a huge amount of pleasure from the time I spend with my g/d - my own feelings are mine ... she is a gorgeous little girl and I treasure my time with her.

Dummies, chocolate - none of it matters in the end - it is all about building your relationship with your g/c ???

Lisalou Tue 31-May-16 09:18:40

I never had one as a child, and swore my kids would not have one - MIL gave DD one when we were still in hospital, needless to say it didn't go down well with me, but the baby liked it, so we went with it. At the age of one i removed it during the day and at the age of two, at night. Really no problems. One good point for dummies is that they are easy to remove, you can't cut a thumb off, and I have a slightly misshapen finger from sucking!
The boy was much the same, and the youngest would not have anything to do with dummies and sucked fingers, but gave it up of her own accord when she was about seven.
What works works!!!

sluttygran Wed 01-Jun-16 14:01:48

I don't think dummies were an American idea. I can remember many years ago in the rather backward rural area where I did some district nursing, babies were given a 'sugar-tit' - a spoonful of sugar tied into a bit of clean rag.
Babies naturally liked this very much, and their teeth decayed as they erupted. It was a dreadful practice born out of ignorance, but definitely not an American invention!