single mums

We all have to be able to think 'there but for the the grace etc'.
and that we might find ourselves in situations we had not planned for or even thought of.
for you Annie & others who have had unexpectedly tough times to manage.

I was a single parent for several years after my first husband left and claimed benefits to top up my income, but didn't whinge or complain about money being tight.

While I have sympathy with anyone having to get through hard times, it seems most people know of someone adept at 'working the system' so it can't be that rare. I'm also not sure why the woman in the OP went to the local paper about her problem with the council.

Annie. I didn't know about your personal tragedy. How awful for you.

Ana the woman referred to in the OP may have gone to the press to a) highlight the poor service to prevent it happening to others or b) to gain sympathy /5 minutes of celeb in a dull life.
We are unlikely to know her motives. Whatever the motive was w if others are trashing her as much as some here she will live to regret her decision.

Just as well it wasn't the national press then!

Sad whatever view you take.

Possibly, but if it had been Ms Richwoman complaining about the council she'd probably have been just as put down by some for going to the press. Human nature, I'm afraid.

We can all choose to think positively or negatively about a situation..or to only say kind things. As you say many people choose to think the worst of people as a default position.

Certainly - and others choose to think only the best. All part of life's rich tapestry!

In 30 years as a SW I only saw a handful of people who were true benefits abusers. Mostly people were not in fact claiming benefits to which they were entitled. The claims system is so complicated (particularly for people with disabilities) that many were frightened off, fearful that they might finish up having to pay money back, or simply not being able to understand the system - there were times when I didn't and I was there to advise them! It is a minefield.

I did read once that the amount of benefits unclaimed by those with entitlement to it was far greater than the amount claimed fraudulently. I must seek out current figures!

As many of you know, I am on benefits, I live in social housing and have done since leaving my ex husband in 2001.

I do not consider it bad luck to be in social housing, at all. Not when it got me away, safe and my children safe from the man who was punching me in the face and headbutting me because he thought he could. I had two children on the top of the stair heartbroke, so I left and was very lucky to be offered a council house, which we made into a lovely home.

I also do not and have never worried about not having security about being in social housing. I do not feel sad about it, I have had very happy times and met some wonderful people who have been great friends over the years on our council estate. Please do not feel sorry for people in social housing, they are ok, they look out for each other.

It has been difficult though being a single mother, although when I was married it was more difficult as my ex husband would not make decisions and I was single in a marriage for a long time. But to try to make up for the absent parent tells on you after a while and it has not helped my health. It is difficult to be the only "go to" parent for everything. I have done nothing much but sleep since my DS left for university nearly 4 weeks ago and I think it is all the pent up stress and sole responsibility for him that is coming out at long last.

Even though it has been hard, I have got both my children to University and they are doing well. Not all benefit claimants are wasters, I home schooled my DS for 4 years so have worked very hard with him. I do appreciate what I get and do not take it for granted. If I could work, I would, I have, from being 15 years old, when I was married and when I got divorced. Unfortunately I cannot now. The Channel 5 programmes only show the worst cases, there are so many nice, caring people out there on benefits. I do wish they would show this side to balance things up. Then maybe people would be better informed.

BTW I have not been on benefits whilst divorced and working.

rubylady Well said! You you have had some really difficult times as an escapee from domestic abuse. Stay strong.

Single Mums yes, one parent family according to my biology lessons impossible. Absent parent sounds more like it.

Good for you Rubylady your sheer determination and strength is admirable.

These vile TV programs never show the genuine people as they are not sensational enough.

Rubylady, i am so glad that you were brave enough to take your children and run, too many women stay and but up with the abuse( i did for way too long). I dont know why anyone would "look down" on someone livig in a council house, if they do then snobs the must .I spent 0ver 20 years as a military wife, moving home constantly( 3 moves in 1 year)when i left the abusive man i was married to, as i was in married quarters i lost my home and job, isaked the council where i was living at the time for help and was told by them that i should go back to where i came from ! ( he was African). I started this thread yesterday because i was so mad that the young mum in question was upset because she was made to feel that she didnt provide for her children and said that she has never asked for anything in her life, i dont begrudge anyone help but i think she needs to be honest with herself and that is what made me so angry. hope you feel well rested and less stressed.

Thanks ruby lady, for telling it like it is. I hope your son settles at university and you can take a well earned rest.

Ruby I don't know what to say, except that I feel humbled by your post, and well done

May I respectfully suggest grannypiper that to call the thread "Single mumS" (plural) inevitably leads to the assumption that that is what it is about - a generalised observation and not, as you now say, just about an isolated incident. Although from what you say about your nephew's girlfriend, clearly you do not think it an isolated case.
Misleading.

rubylady. Enormous respect, for telling us your story and for the way you have dealt with the problems you have encountered, from bad marriage to poor health. I'm glad that it's all working out for your DS. You have been his port in a storm for many years and have given him the confidence to launch out into the world of university. I wish you both well for the next step into the future.

If that's being respectful I'd hate to hear you being otherwise.

Stop pick, pick, picking just because someone in a bit of a pother added an 's' when the majority of the OP was about just one in particular.

Yea gods! Do some people just come on GN to vent their spleen?

Grannypiper Steam coming out yours ears, God forbid I need sympathy from you. My daughter through no fault of her own has found the courage to stand up and leave a bullying partner and become a single mum. Not what she wanted at all. Apart from kind words there is no council house or white goods offered just look at private renting! As has been said she is entitled to the child benefit that all parents can claim but mostly its our love and support that's going to get her through the next few weeks or months until she's able to move on. I really feel for those Mums or single Dads who don't have family to support them.

There are doers, watchers and takers in this life and in this country we have developed a benefits culture "the state shall provide" But there are a lot of hardworking single parents out there so we shouldn't judge on what a single 'parasite' does.

We could of course reserve our anger for the media which seems to pedal 'Poverty Porn' at every opportunity. We are a society and as such should be organised in a way that allows every person in it to have a decent roof over their head and a wage. There are different ways of thinking about work and citizens wages etc. Perhaps we should get behind some of those as what we have now is tough and divisive.

Why are the papers so keen to print all this rubbish? People who don't like the council house they are given or can't sort themselves and their freezer out, or yesterday's couple who claim their £16.000 drive was ruined by a policeman walking over it. What happened to real news?

If we can't, at our ages, see when we are being worked like puppets it is a poor bloody show.

I have had to have benefits at times, so what isn't that the society we want to live in? Where people are supported. When I had benefit I still ran the local kids club for free, helped elder with their shopping etc........why is it only paid work that we recognise as being of worth?? We should be able to tell t he wood from the trees.

There are not enough decent jobs to go round, so its share the work or share the money. There are not enough decent homes, news yesterday said 40% below standard......it all happened on our watch and there are times when I am bloody ashamed that I didn't do more to protest, or hold people to account as standards slid to miserable levels.

Easy to look at other people and see how they are stupid, that girl with the freezer problem is a nit wit, should we derive any satisfaction from her downfall, only if we are perfect ourselves.

We are complicit every time we read such stuff and comment on it because the press will find us plenty more.

Why does the media need to tell us if people are single parents, or unemployed or what their house price is.just to fill the sodding space up that's why.......

It is a non story and the more we read the more we get.