Am I being unreasonable

I think people were saying that women end up with it if they let it, not that it is automatically a woman's lot (as though it is inevitable and you shouldn't object) They seem to me to be saying DO object. If your husband's mother didn't work and did everything that needed to be done in the house, then that is what he will have accepted as "normal" but that doesn't mean that you have to let him continue to think that.

He did everything while you are away, so he can do it, and he now knows what it entailed so he can't still think that the fairies do it all. Talk about it and share out the responsibilities. Don't do it as a complaint or a plea or a fight, but as organising it all between you as equals. Then do your share but NOT HIS. He may need to see the result of it not being done before he remembers to do it.

ATALOSS. ...awkward sharing with MIL unless a discussion takes place regarding boundaries etc.
As she's his Mom there may well be difficulties to be faced.
But maybe you love and like her and so it'll be fine. She may help with baby minding chores etc ?

Anyway, I wish you well.

Hang on a minute. I think everyone is being harsh with the OP. If she always wears that perfume and he damn well knows it then no, not a lot of thought was put into the purchase.

Also, OP you do sound like you do most of the work most of the time, hence your build up of resentment, I'd be the same.

Why should you want his mother to live with you? Do you have a good relationship with her? This is a huge thing to accommodate.

Is she selling so you can buy though? If so, would she have a granny flat or be in with you?

Everyone being harsh? Have you read all the replies? There are a lot of supportive answers and a lot of backup for being stronger and more pro-active in the relationship. I wouldn't call that everyone being harsh.

Ataloss I think you can take it from what is on here that, as has been said before, one size does not fit all and you have to work it out as a couple/family.
In an ideal world you will both get to the point where you both see it as our marriage, our child, our money in our accounts, our responsibility to do the chores and we have an equal say in everything.
We do not live in an ideal world and have to learn how to deal with that and we all do that every day. For example, if you feel that you are doing too much then you discuss it, without recriminations, in a way that works out how you can both deal with that - as in getting a cleaner perhaps .... etc, etc. If I had a thought like that I usually told DH and asked him what his thoughts on it were and that made it a discussion point much more easily.
I wonder if you are able to talk to MIL about " life, the universe and everything" as that can be very helpful. She could be your best friend in trying to make the best of your marriage with her son. My own MIL was one of my two best confidantes. She would listen but never criticised and I had to listen hard to 'hear' the advice as it was never overt. Lovely lady! I miss her as much as I miss my own DM.
I wish you well, you sound a lovely, caring and thoughtful person.

I would be overjoyed if my OH bought me a bottle of perfume! Think yourself a lucky girl. He wanted to buy you something you obviously like. Nice man!

He cooked for when you came back, he did the ironing! What's not to like? At least he is trying to please unlike some husbands who think it is the woman who should do the housework and the man who lifts up his feet so as not to get in the way of the vacuum cleaner. No wonder he stormed out. He must have been very hurt I think. Give him some slack and start talking (not yelling) more.

I think the way to get someone to do chores is to tell them how well they have done them. I do not mean husbands I mean anyone, children included.

As for MIL moving in with you, are you sure you want that? If she is his Mother it will be very awkward for her when you argue. She will have to retreat to her own room and try not to take sides.

Try saying 'SORRY'! It might make a difference. That seems to be a forgotten word nowadays.

Tell him you are sorry.
Tell him you were tired/stressed from work/feeling down.
Say you need to sit down and decide who does what because you are finding it hard to cope with a baby as well.
Tell him you love him.
Say you appreciate what he did ie ironing, cooking, buying your present.
Thank him for being a brilliant husband.

Then enjoy the making up! Peace perfect peace.

Don't you dare tell him you're sorry!

ataloss, my DH used to go out of his way to buy me a certain kind of chocolates he thought I liked. I didn't like them and found them difficult to eat but because I loved him, I ate them for years (fortunately the shop that sold them closed ). He bought them because he loved me, I ate them because I love him. If you want to communicate better, do it at some other time not when he gives you your birthday present. Good luck with your relationship. For your child's sake I hope you work it out.

It's a pity that you don't communicate well, it probably means that one or both of you are insecure about the relationship. As a start perhaps you could work on finding things to praise about him, tell him what you love about him, thank him for things he does, once a week at least, but it must be sincere. At other times, try suggesting that you share some of the housework - either do it together or do it alternate weekends. After all he managed when you went away - he didn't have to make meals for the week, maybe he enjoys cooking? . Could you suggest that he 'takes over' alternate weekends or at least once a month, to give you a break, and/or cooks a meal every so often? Start small and build up.

Is there anything you do share? Musical tastes? Sense of humour? Books? Do you even like each other? If you can't say 'yes' to any of these or have common ground on anything else, perhaps you would both be happier apart.

Ataloss I agree your OH is not doing his share of housework and childcare. I am surprised to see so many of the Women's Liberation generation tell you he was marvellous to help you out with housework and childcare, while you had one night away. You both work and the child is both yours, time for him to step up and pull his weight. I think it's time you had a mediator or counselling if you can't have a discussion without him sulking and storming off.

You are both adults in your marriage and he shouldn't be the one deciding on his own that his mother is going to live with you and possibly fund buying your new home. You really need to have equal say in this. Don't buy a home until you sort yourselves out and are able to have discussions. If his mother moves in he won't do anything around the house, your child will learn women are the domestics and men don't have to do their share.

The majority of us during our lives have received gifts we didn't like and acted as though it was lovely. I once dropped kicked a plastic spaghetti container out my door. I didn't tell my OH I didn't like it, but who gives their wife a plastic spaghetti container for their birthday.

I missed your post about your OH earning twice as much as you and you pay half towards the bills and do most of the housework and childcare. I think I would have expected more than a bottle of perfume, he does not appreciate all that you do. You really do need to have discussions about where your marriage is heading. Don't let him push you towards buying a house and moving his mother in. You could end up twice as unhappy as you are now and it will cost you a lot more to get out of this marriage if you tie yourself to a house under these circumstances. Good luck