Feeling unloved and poorly

Has he got any redeeming qualities? If not leave him. I did it after 20 years of a miserable marriage and wished I'd done it years before. I now have a lovely, kind and caring partner who would walk on hot coals for me - and I for him - as long as I could wear my wellies .
Don't waste any more of your life on this horrid man.

Maw Broon is right that viral infections are notable for causing depression.
Now you have learned, if you didn't know previously, that your husband is unaware of what it feels like to be ill. He cannot help being ignorant of this but I expect he has many redeeming traits .

Please be gentle with yourself. Viral infection needs a long convalescence. Maybe the practice nurse could give him a phone call and explain the situation to him?

I have a loving husband and a great marriage however if I am ill my husband cannot cope.
I think it is partly selfishness, life doesn’t run too smoothly when you have to shop, cook, clean, iron etc.
It is also partly his deep rooted fear of being alone, I had cancer when I was 38, I was fine as it was caught quickly but he confided in friends that he was scared of me dying and couldn’t cope with my illnesss.
My husbands behaviour seemed callous but it was really his inability to deal with his emotions.
I hope you recover quickly and this may help.

I used to have an OH almost as bad as that. Fortunately another woman took him off my hands. Is it too late for you to arrange for him to meet some 'nice ladies'? Seriously, please do follow up the tips you've been given on this thread. And if you do order provisions from one of the supermarkets, don't forget to give yourself some little treats.

Im in no way excusi g him but have just read this out to DH and he said probably the poor man feels neglected -presumably he has done all the food shopping cooking and holiday washing and now feels he needs a rest! $
[Shock]

Well that didnt work! Try again

Just trying to see another point of view. Agree with Missfoodlove that he cant cope with anxiety and just wants life to return to normal. Rather like a child.

MissA

Pithy...?

I understand so well , and send you my best wishes for a speedy recovery

Back in the early eighties when sun beds and sun lamps first became available to the public I bought myself a sun lamp to give my face a bit of color. I followed all the instructions, wore goggles, sat X amount of inches away from it etc and that night my eyes were watering and burning. I had a baby to take care of and I woke my then husband up and told him about my eyes and he said I've got to get up for work in the morning and promptly went back to sleep. My eyes were so bad I couldn't see and I had to get up, get dressed, walk up the road to my friends house and we called an ambulance from there. It turned out I had burnt my retina's. I had to have my eyes covered up with dressings and my friend had to bring me home and look after me, my baby and her baby until the dressings came off. She was disgusted in my husband. Needless to say I divorced him, not just for that, there were many other issues. Luckily for me I later married a wonderful man, why only last week I had a wisdom tooth removed and as soon as we got back he's telling me to sit down and do nothing and made me lots of warm drinks for the rest of the day. You know when someone truly loves you, don't sell yourself short. I hope your feeling better soon XX

loopyloo

Wow!
Pandering to an adult male...whatever next?
'Make him feel like a hero'?
I wonder if he has ever made the OP feel like a heroine during their marriage? Giving him an ego boost is waaaay off beam.
Having read plenty of threads re husband's/OH's various shortcomings, I'm glad to be single and answerable to no-one and nobody's work-horse.
I feel sorry for women who have mini dictators as partners.

Over60plus.
Having had a mother whose motto was 'get on with it'
I suggest you look after yourself, the ironing can wait, and that you pass my late mothers motto on to 'man flu'

Gabriella I’m with you on this 100%.
Op look after you and not him.

Sometimes I wish I weren’t alone, Then I read a post like this one.
OP the people I know who have had this ‘flu are decades younger than you, fit, healthy, normally busy. Without exception they have taken weeks longer to recover than they expected. You need understanding and support from your husband, not nagging. You’re still recovering, not malingering.
You have helpful advice on here. I hope you soon feel stronger in every way. ??

I’m with Jalimall08!

Tell him the iron is (wherever it is) and the kitchen that way. Then look after yourself.

Give me his number. I'll sort him out. OUTRAGEOUS.

Poorly yes, unloved????? He sounds like a terrible nurse but lots pf people are, he may be panicking because he cares and you have been out of action.

Ironing...........a joke surely? Now that you are on the mend give him clear instructions on how to behave in future, take a ways and fresh juice and flowers and a bit of fuss.

They aren't born Mr Darcy you know, some of them need training, intensive training.

Just for information, my cousin died of flu three weeks ago. The virus led to pneumonia, and she died a few hours after the GP sent her in to hospital. Her husband was never very attentive, but now he'll have to manage alone.

Poor poor you. Never understimate how long it takes to get over flu - its well known it leaves you feeling very depressed for weeks. Hope you are now on a mega dose of vitamins etc. to perk yourself up. Dare I ask where you live and I'll deal with OH for you...men can be very selfish. Definitely get hot food delivered if you can and start plotting how you are going to treat him when he gets man-flu! good luck.

Oh this man needs VERY firm handling, but bide your time. Get yourself well , order in some tempting healthy shopping, ignore the holiday ironing, you probably don't need those clothes in this weather, and rest. During this time ignore his moans THEN when you are well enough sit him down and tell him exactly how things are going to change , and then you stick to the new(fair, obviously) rules no matter what. You really do deserve better treatment?

Hospitals no longer keep patients in if they can go home to be cared for. You must have been very poorly to have been kept in for 4 days. I was discharged 2 days after having a full hip replacement!
Nowadays your husband should be capable of doing all the household jobs, and if he’s not working should be sharing the day to day housework. Queen Victoria is long dead!!!

I do think it's a generational thing, plus, after many years of marriage when all passion is spent, men just want someone like their mothers to look after them. I live most of the time apart from my husband of 54 years, but when we visit one another I'm expected to skivvy round as his perfect bloody mother did. He's a sulker too. I just thing women tend to have more emotional intelligence than men. Your husband needs a little shock, as suggested by other posters, to make him see things from your p of v. He should show more respect. Hope you feel better, we Gransnetters are all on your side.

That is so sad. How awful for you. It upset me just to read it. It's bad enough getting 'flu (real 'flu as opposed to a heavy cold is truly dreadful), without feeling abandoned and like nobody cares how you feel or what happens to you.

It's all very well saying "get an ironing service to do your ironing" but that's just a short term solution to an immediate practical issue. What about the general lack of caring- not asking how somebody is, getting them hot drinks, etc.? I really don't think it's good enough to say "a lot of men are like that". If they are, they should be ashamed of themselves. Treat him like a hero for just behaving like a decent human being? Definitely not!

I'm sorry but he sounds horrible and I wonder how you've put up with such a lazy, mean-spirited and selfish person.

I hope you soon feel much better and that you have someone else to turn to who can offer a sympathetic ear and some kindness.

Get better and get a divorce?