Akenside62 I hope the reason that you have not returned is because things have got better for you. At the very least I hope you have found some of this advice useful. Although some of it may seem harsh, I do believe the vast majority is well intentioned.
Becoming a grandmother for the first time is a bit of a minefield isn’t it!
My advice would be, to please try and forget the 5 hour delay in finding out about the birth. It’s not worth falling out over. It can’t be undone, and you might not know all of the circumstances. My son text me well over 3 hours after dgs was born. At the time I too was slightly irritated, but now with the benefit of time, I can completely understand. Phones are not allowed on the labour ward (at our hospital, not saying it’s true for all) DS waited until he went to get dils bag after the birth. The Midwife performed her checks on dgs & dil, and they were given time to enjoy their new baby. It also happens that dil had quite a bad tear, that required complicated stitches that the Midwife couldn’t do. They waited 90 minutes for a dr (there was only 1 doctor on the Labour and Delivery ward, and so dil had to wait) ds didn’t want to leave her, and she understandably wanted him there when the dr did come. The stitches took over 30 minutes, during which time DS was holding and enjoying his new son. I’d have felt terrible if i’d made a song and dance about the wait, only to then find out why.
Like others I’m a little confused as to whether you haven’t seen the baby at all, or just not on the set day you had hoped? If it’s just not on the day you’d hoped, I’m afraid you’re going to have to adjust your expectations. Having set days is incredibly tying for a family. But try not to worry, I visit my dgs on ad hoc days, but it’s still pretty much weekly, just whatever day works best for my ds’ family and for me.
Same advice goes for your weekly offers of help. I too was very keen to ‘take the pressure off’ with childcare, and often offered to have my dgs, but it was always politely declined (although help with ironing etc in the early days was gratefully received, and dil sent me flowers thanking me for some home cooked meals I brought round with me!) I’m ashamed now to admit that I used to think ‘just give it a few weeks, you’ll be glad of the time off’, but honestly? She took to motherhood like a duck to water. She actively encourages my relationship with him, but I’m wanted rather than ‘needed’. But then when I think back, I didn’t hand over my ds every week, I wanted to be with him.
If you haven’t seen the baby at all then that does seem cruel. I’d text or phone, and ask when would be a good time to pop in, ‘just for an hour’. Offer to bring cake, or ask if there’s anything they need.
Finally, I just wanted to say congratulations. Try not worry about these first 21 days. In the grand scheme of things it such a small amount of time.