My husband and I are stuck and don't know what to do. Just over a year ago, our GS was born very premature. I know his parents went through hell. Although there may be a few possible health concerns, he's pretty much caught up with his birth age and is absolutely adorable. even though I was a punching bag for the duration of his hospital stay and, consequently walked on eggshells, things settled down well and we spent a lot of time together. Him and I created quite a bond.
But, since she's pregnant again, things have seriously gone down the drain. They live 2 1/2 hrs away from us in a small town. Due to her prior premature birth, they've decided for her to continue to see their local OBYGN and she and her baby come to town regularly, staying with her mom. Although her parents live only about 25 min from us, we rarely see them. Apparently the main reason is that I seem to constantly do or say something that she doesn't like, (or wrong, in their eyes). She's on progesterone and, apparently, it's been making her very emotional and sensitive. Plus, I'm sure the fear of another premature birth scares the hell out of her. A couple of months ago, she found the courage to tell a list of all the things I seem to do wrong from her perspective. Although it was very painful and confusing for me, I encouraged her to tell when she feels I'm doing or saying something wrong. I'm a very conscientious person, always reflecting on my behaviour in an attempt to improve myself. Everyone who has observed my interacting with our GS, including my daughter & SIL, husband, etc. can't seem to find any fault in what I'm doing. I'm doing my absolute best to follow her lead, ask questions, apologize if I think I've done something wrong, etc. But that doesn't seem to be good enough or improve the situation.
Now she's convinced my son of the same. He, in turn, got mad at me and required for me to give them space. When we do have family gatherings, he (more than her) is either rude to me or ignores me. This past Christmas, while they were here for nearly three weeks, we saw the little guy for a total of 5 hours at our house and a few hours more at family gatherings. We saw our son once.
The very sad part is, that we bent backwards to help them move, support them financially, etc. Not only that, my son and DIL lived with us for over two years, yet she's refusing to stay with us, even though I bought everything necessary for a baby to sleep here. Plus, my son always talked very negatively and disapprovingly about his PILs, despising them. Apparently they were the reason they moved away in the first place, and now, they only stay there and we rarely see them. When they moved away, he made a solemn promise to keep it equal between the two families. The only good thing is that my GS and I developed enough of a relationship that he automatically gravitates toward me whenever he sees me, even if it's been weeks.
For the first time ever, my husband is confused and doesn't understand or know what to do. We've always been a very close-knit family.
We have not invited them, phoned them. We are giving them their space as requested.
My biggest fear is that my very calm and objective husband, who is feeling rejected, hurt and angry, is going to do something rash that could possibly sever the already fragile relationship because my son us virtually unable to recognize when he's done wrong and rectify the situation.
I'm open to suggestions.
AngelD Tue 31-Dec-19 21:38:29
Jomarie Tue 31-Dec-19 22:18:38
Jomarie Tue 31-Dec-19 22:22:00
Luckygirl Tue 31-Dec-19 22:49:13
endlessstrife Tue 31-Dec-19 22:52:12
endlessstrife Tue 31-Dec-19 23:06:32
inkycog Tue 31-Dec-19 23:09:29
Hithere Tue 31-Dec-19 23:33:22
AngelD Wed 01-Jan-20 00:09:58
Hithere Wed 01-Jan-20 00:42:12
Yennifer Wed 01-Jan-20 00:58:09
HappyBumbleBee Wed 01-Jan-20 01:12:35
sodapop Wed 01-Jan-20 09:14:35
wildswan16 Wed 01-Jan-20 10:16:48
endlessstrife Wed 01-Jan-20 10:28:45
Madgran77 Wed 01-Jan-20 11:55:57
EMMF1948 Wed 01-Jan-20 12:03:04
EMMF1948 Wed 01-Jan-20 12:07:11
Hithere Wed 01-Jan-20 12:25:59
Yennifer Wed 01-Jan-20 12:43:13
agnurse Wed 01-Jan-20 15:47:03
endlessstrife Wed 01-Jan-20 16:43:42
Madgran77 Wed 01-Jan-20 16:47:42
Hithere Wed 01-Jan-20 16:51:54
Madgran77 Wed 01-Jan-20 17:13:38