No kissing my baby

Don’t back down and live to regret it. Stick to your guns

I always thought it was those gobstoppers which did for mine!

@phoenix www.nbcnews.com/id/35989527/ns/health-oral_health/t/moms-kiss-can-spread-cavities-baby/#.XhsG2Hd2s5s And if a mother's saliva can do this, go figure other people's...

Surely the most important thing is 1) something is worrying you - it could be about anything 2) you want your folks to take your worries seriously. You don’t want them kissing your baby. It is your new little baby. Irrelevant whether they agree, if you and the father want no kisses, no kisses it (politely) is. If you are having to make up stories it is because you are not being listened to. They need to take you seriously and your feelings irrespective of their own opinions. Meanwhile your worries may move on to other threats to your baby and maybe you will need help with your anxieties. Motherhood can be terrifying....

and when your baby grows up and goes to daycare and school are you going to send it with a list of rules? I am not saying don't be aware and careful but kids get germs, you may protect them from your inlaws and then in five years time she goes and shares lunch with another kid with cold sores, or gets spit from a friends toys. you will drive yourself crazy at this rate.

Hi I'm a cold sore suffer,I have passed it on to some of my four children. I know better now and am extremely carefully with the Gran children.It might seem a small thing,but it has a lifetime effect.

Her username is ladymuck....

Of course you don't want your baby to ever have cold sores. Fast forward a few years to school age. It would be terrible for the child to be treated as a pariah by others every time she had a sore, not to mention they are painful and forever opening up just after they start healing.

Oh, I'll reply in bold, then. The @ symbol isn't working for me.

Thank you, endlessstrife I think the welfare of my kid should come first before people's feelings. Obviously, I try not to be unkind about it.

Indeed Dragonlover - it is an unpleasant thing to have and is a lifelong nuisance.

I do not think the OP is being unreasonable at all - her in-laws seem to be rife with this virus and of course she wants to try and avoid her baby getting this. I do not think she needs to talk about small potential dangerous outcomes or the relatives will simply say that they have it and nothing so awful has happened. But she does need to say very clearly that she recognises what a lifelong pain cold sores are and that her decision is that she wishes to take steps to avoid this if possible.

If her family do not agree then more fool them - they are likely to see very little of this baby!

To those who say that the world is full of germs the baby needs to get used to, I entirely agree. But where there is an obvious source of an infection that is lifelong then it makes sense to take steps to avoid it.

All power to her elbow - and good luck with the in-laws!

Thanks Luckygirl

I think the issue about kissing babies and children is much wider than cold sores. It is about you making the rules you are happy with for your child. You have made everyone aware of how you feel which is great it is right to be direct.

Yes, chris8888! I would rather be direct than cringe every time I see them. I'd rather not limit the time my baby spends with them, either due to unexplained expectations.

I know that a long time ago people weren't aware like they are now, Dragonlover

So, naty, you now have the affirmation you needed. How are you going to proceed?

I have the cold sore virus in one eye, that flares up now and then when I'm stressed, every time I have the active virus it causes scaring,I now have very poor vision in that eye. I don't get them any where else, I have two small dgc and never kiss them if my virus is active, and never kiss them on the lips anyway, just in case.Your doing the right thing, in trying to protect your baby as much as possible, I don't blame you, it is a nasty virus, and much worse than a lot of people think.

70 years ago my own mother suffered from cold sores. Even back then she knew that they were contagious and never kissed me on the mouth. Who does that to a baby anyway!?
Consequently I did not catch them and have never suffered.
Can't you find something about it, NHS online? print it out and give them all a copy?

It's your baby and entitled to set limits. X

I think you and your baby should move to an isolated spot where she won’t come into contact with any germ bearing humans and then you can relax!

Hi there
Don't overthink this. You are entitled to put in place any rules which you have. Simply because this is your baby and you want the best. And on top of that it's not easy being mum having the responsibility upon your shoulders.
To a degree I get you as instinctively we all want to cuddle and kiss babies and if that's not what you want than you need to address it which you have.
Is this rule just as a baby? I'm not sure nan and grandad would be able to go forever without kissing their grandchild.

My son suffers from cold sores and I feel sure I passed the virus on to him. These days I'm super careful around my grandchildren. The last time we visited Australia I felt the familiar tingling on my top lip and started using Zovirax (I never leave home without it) on the flight but it didn’t help and by the time we arrived a had a large ugly sore which took three weeks to settle down. No kissing on arrival and none until it was completely gone and even then I only ever kissed them on the top of the head. I wish I had known when my son was small. I might have prevented him from getting them. He never kisses his daughters or anyone else when he has one! As far as I'm concerned you are doing the right thing Naty

Small children are vulnerable to infection even more so a five month old baby. I would not care who I upset by saying no to kisses. Your child your choice.

It is now a well known fact that the cold sore virus can be passed on from one person to another and you should be able to explain this to your in-laws. Maybe find and print some literature online to show them

Naty, I think you are right to think about boundaries and to create the rules for your family that work for you. However, I have read your post and others and as a social psychologist and counsellor, I feel you would benefit from some good old talking therapy as you seem to be demonstrating over-protective and obsessive behaviour. I think your in-laws are Mediterranean - am I right? If so, you could learn a lot from them - you are wrong to scoff at their ideas - drinking water with ice will give you gastro distress/standing in front of a fan can make you ill - actually, these are not crack pot ideas but perfectly sound - they have evidence to back them up - just as you have evidence that cold sores are catching. I agree completely about the lip kissing, but kissing a grandchild on the forehead or the cheek is absolutely fine if there are no cold sores present. I fear that if you do not lighten up you will make a terrible future for yourself and your child. Children need to build up immunity and kissing and being in close contact with other people, with other children, with pets, etc., is the way to do this - read the research.