No kissing my baby

I have intermittent cold sores as did my mother. Both sisters 'escaped'!
All 3 AC and 4 GC are free of the blasted virus.

I advocate containment - avoiding direct contact obviously, but also indirect contact. When I have a flareup I am extremely careful to isolate any mugs or glasses as well as towels. When there is no active flareup there is no need for concern.

Dil visited recently while I was 'suffering' and said, very kindly, that she knew I'd understand if she asked me to stay well clear of the baby!
Of course I wasn't offended, respecting her as a mum and a hospital dermatologist!

So Yes to care and consideration but No to obsession!

When my DGD was 2 weeks old I developed a very painful cold sore, the one and only time in my life I have had one. It occurred after flying birds of prey at a centre. DH has always had them and thinks he got them from his mother. I was terrified I’d make DGD ill but despite previous kisses she wasn’t. Apparently the herpes virus can make young babies who have not got a fully functioning immune system really ill.

I totally agree with Naty. Her in-laws sound overbearing and she should make sure the baby is not kissed by them.

I rarely get cold sores now but they were a real nuisance in the past. Often appearing just before big occasions. They can be very painful (involves nerve endings) and unsightly. There are ways of avoiding/diminishing them now but possibly an individual thing?

Perhaps you need to take few deep breaths, Naty and possibly precis your posts as they come across as borderline hysterical. Not an atmosphere to inflict on a small baby who will pick up your anxiety.

HOWEVER you are on the right track. First time I came across a family who all kissed on the mouth I was taken aback. Their toddler daughter was badly infected with cold sores up her nose, in her ears and down her throat. Poor little thing lost quite a lot of weight.

Stick with your own instincts. I would suggest kissing on top of the head once the cold sore has gone. Hope your in laws will meet you half way on this!

Naty,

I hate people are using your being "germophobic" against you, as if you are being irrational.

You are not.

In many adult cases, cold sores in the mouth and lips are hsv2, not hsv1. That is scary!

Calling them cold sores is giving them an innocent sounding name. You are absolutely correct, they are indication of activity of the Herpes virus. Cold sores are caused by HERPES SIMPLEX, chicken pox is caused by HERPES ZOSTER which surfaces after infection as shingles and HERPES GENITALIS is the virus surfacing in the groin and genital area. The virus is highly contagious when in it’s active phase, hence cold sores or in the summer, fever blisters. Shingles and chicken pox with genital blisters are all highly contagious. So you are absolutely right no kissing anybody! Babies, toddlers, children or adults with active sores.
For the so called cold sores and fever blisters, Zovirax, a cream OTC from the chemist at first twinge will sort it. For the rest, see your GP, soonest.
So educate older folks and everyone, don’t be shy, just tell it as it is.

Naty, I mean this kindly, but I do wonder if you are overthinking this.

Look at your OP. It could be summarised as : 'My IL's carry the herpes virus, and get horrible cold sores. I don't want them to pass this to my baby, so have asked them not to kiss her on the mouth, but they don't seem to understand why I am concerned. WWYD?'

Instead, there is a lot of stuff about fictional friends with meningitis, a SIL denying an incipient cold sore and how you are losing your mind, going on for paragraphs and tying you up in knots.

I think you do have a right to say 'no kissing', and have that be respected, but I also think that your life would be easier if you could chill a bit? Easier said than done, I know, but if you do frankly daft things like invent scenarios that can easily be disproved by anyone with access to google, you are not going to be taken seriously, particularly as you are living in a matriarchal society where Nonna knows best.

You do come across as rather anxious. I don't know if that is just the medium of text, or if it is the way you really are; but if you are on your own for long periods in an alien environment, it wouldn't be surprising if you were. Is it worth having a chat with your doctor? I'm in no way suggesting that problems with in-laws can (or should) be medicated away, but if you are otherwise unusually anxious, it might be worth trying to get to the bottom of that.

The post-natal period can be difficult at the best of times, and when you add in the cultural differences you have a lot on your plate. x

It's worth realising that children who encounter these viruses early develop effective immune protection of their own but if these viruses are encountered after the main immune development than they will not gain that immunity. Babies certainly need protection but after a year are better to gain their own immunity to bacteria & viruses - that's why vaccines for measles, etc. are given then.

If you are immune and breast feeding, then your immunity, if you have the antibodies, will pass on and alert your babies immune system when the infections are encountered.

Good luck! I'm sure your baby will grow up fit and healthy. Enjoy her.

I think you sound like a total nutter - kissing a forehead causing cold sores? A kiss causing tooth decay. God help the poor teachers when your baby starts school - clearly one of THOSE parents.

I haven't read all the posts because I don't have time. My mother gets cold sores and never kissed my babies or their babies because she knows that it can be passed on. She never drinks from the same glass as anyone else and is scrupulously careful...she is also the most selfish person in the world and even she respects this aspect of her "condition".
Your baby, your rules. You might be overly worried but if this is your baby, I don't blame you really. If you want to be kind in the way you approach this preface your demands with "I might be being over protective but..."

Well, I hope you will never expect them to look after the baby when you need to. I have friends who babysit their grand-children, and get written lists as long as 3 arms, and tantrums if they don't adhere to the 'instructions' to the minute letter.

Your baby, of course. As for my comment on allergies related to germophobic parents, this is well researched and proven.

I haven't read the whole thread - just to sayNaty you're quite right.
When I was working as an Ed. Psych. one very brain damaged child was like that because of the virus passed on to her from a relative kissing her . Who had a cold sore at the time. I was shocked when told this by the doctor who was looking after her.
In young babies it can have serious consequences.

I gave birth to eldest child prematurely and, as a consequence, immediately developed cold sores. This always happens when temp raised. I was not allowed to touch my baby at all in incubator. Only husband could go do that. I was told that if I touched her, let alone kissed her, she would get the virus from me, It was distressing but worth it, I have only ever kissed my children and grandchildren on top of their heads. NATY don’t do it. We never know when a cold sore is developing until it appears,

I'm 70, the same generation as your in laws. I have two beautiful granddaughters whom I love to bits. I have only ever kissed them on the top of their heads because I know that cold sores are infectious - even though I very rarely get them. On the one occasion I had one when visiting them I kept my distance and washed my hands constantly.
You are not being unreasonable. I suggest printing an appropriate article and giving it to them.

Naty,

It is not unusual to have issues with the ILs after having a baby, when beforehand everything was great.

Where does your dh stand on the herpes issue?

This is not about the herpes, your Ils do not respect you as the mother of your child. Now it is kissing, in the future is feeding unwanted food to child or wanting your child to follow their traditions. This is only the beginning.

nobody of my acquaintance would dream of kissing a baby in the mouth ...top of head is acceptable only. Even so.... I really think you are a little obsessive ..perhaps a chill-pill occasionally !

This is your baby and your rules. Just to be clear though, I’m 61 I’ve carried the HPV virus since both, neither my Mum or Dad had it or cold sores, I get them very often, I never kissed my own kisses WHEN I had a cold sore, but always kissed them on other occasions, on their faces, not on their lips, same with Grandson, none of my kids or Grandson get cold sores, so although I do think you’re being over cautious I also think it’s your baby your choice and they should respect this, you can cuddle, hug and show affection in lots of ways without kissing

Herpes virus may stay dormant for many years and you may not even know you have it.
It can only be detected by blood test (by having antivirus in your blood)

I had a friend from my teen years who was prone to cold sores and though she was from a large family none of the others ever had or suffered from them,but she must have got the virus somewhere.i looked it up and yes its caused by a virus,but as someone else said,stress,or even tiredness,can be a trigger,even cold weather,she never passed it on to her own kids though,as far as i know(i married her brother but when we divorced i kind of lost touch with her) but i never heard of her 'passing' it to anyone, but she was extra careful when she had a sore,that she didnt kiss her or my kids,BUT not to the point of obsession as you seem to be?? I also though dont think most people kiss children/ babies on their mouths,i think its not a british thing,and you say 'mom' so i presume your from USA?I dont know whats the norm there,for kissing children.But if your childs in that same family isnt it likely she could have the virus already,lying dormant in her system,as the grandparents& aunt has it?Does your husband not get them,or has he missed it?(do you not ever kiss him then?or let him kiss his own baby?) Have you all been checked out then to see if youve got the gene/virus? It seems to be a far bigger problem in US than in Britain,with more testing for this? I understand your concerns but yes you do sound a bit hysterical over this.Its possible youre letting normal concerns& cautiousness get out of hand.As mentioned by another poster the child has to build up their own immunity to everything and when they go to nursery/preschool then school proper kids are touching everything/ everyones hands faces etc. Or touching what others have,Its normal to. You should be able to cope with real life before you have kids,it helps a lot.

Sorry just realised my poor typos ! What I meant was I’ve had the virus since birth ! And my children never got it, though I wouldn’t dream of kissing my children or any other children or husband when I have cold sores, nor would I kiss my children, or any one else’s on the lips ! Next time I’ll use the preview button !!

Naty, I have to say some of the posters on here have been very positive and supportive of your fears. I am 100% behind you on this. Too many self opinionated replies on here. Give the girl a break! Why on earth anyone can think it to be ok to kiss a babies mouth is beyond me! Anyone with a brain can surely understand the awful results for a baby contracting the herpes virus. It’s a horrible thing to have and, as has been said before, extremely dangerous. Of course toddlers pick up germs but a five month old baby needs all the protection a mother can give.
Stick to your guns Naty and remember, your baby, your rules. x

Not antivirus, antibodies, sorry!

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Om goodness Naty I’ve just read the rest of messages, your in laws sound like a nightmare haha I’d just not open the door if mine kept coming over unannounced !! You poor thing !! Good luck x

GoldenaAge,you are so sensible,and so what this young lady needs right now.and yes i think it must be right,as you say about the ice,my son always has had ice in his drinks,if he can,and hes got oesophageal reflux, and he likes to keep cool so has his window open all year round but a fan as well in summer or if hes getting too hot,but yes then he always gets a chill!

You are not being unreasonable about the kissing but you are suffering from anxiety when you are describing feeling sweaty and shaky. My own DD is like this only worse regarding vomiting. She has emetophobia and this has worsened over Christmas as DGC had norovirus. She is already skinny and has not been eating because of her anxiety and is terrified when SIL is on night shift if the children make a noise. She is on waiting list for counselling for something else but I have asked her to speak about this first as it is making her life awful. If you are so anxious then perhaps you could see out some CBT to try and focus on the positive things.
Stress does not cause cold sores but can affect the body's immune response hence why cold sores may appear when people are stressed as once you have the virus it lies dormant until something triggers the immune system.